I Fell Down And I Wrote About It

Today, I was speaking with my siblings on my way back to work after lunch with my friend. And then I tripped and fell. I mean face flat, legs scattered, body sprawled kind of fall. The contents of my purse were all over the floor. My pants tore, my shoes fell off, my phone screen is completely shattered (with shards literally falling off), and my body was bruised and scraped. When I got back up, I didn't realize how bad it was because adrenaline kicked in. It wasn't until I took a couple of steps and my legs, face, and hand burned that I realized how bad it was. I'm fine now haha.

But let's trace my steps back, shall we? I remember I had just been telling my siblings about an alternate path I could have taken. I didn't mean that literally; I was talking about an alternate life/career path I could have taken instead of the one I'm on now. I remember saying I don't regret what I'm doing now, I'm just not sure I have the patience for it [anymore]. I was tired of waiting. It's funny I mention waiting. I met my friend for lunch a couple of blocks away, so I could have waited 11 minutes for a bus or walked back (about 18 minutes walk). I remember thinking because of recent sunburns, I should probably wait and not walk. But I looked at the time, looked up and saw that the sun had gone down a bit, so I decided to begin walking and if a bus came along, I would get on. I was tired of waiting. And so I walked. An d then I fell.

Earlier this morning after I woke up, the Bible verse from my devotional said:

Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. - Colossians 3:12-13

I remember thinking about how much I need patience. I truly need patience and it's something I have always struggled with, so it's not particularly new to me. I also remember thinking I need to learn to forgive more—honestly, not forgive as much as "allow for people's faults". I don't extend as much grace to others. I always rationalize this by saying if I have set such low expectations for you, and you still fall short then you don't deserve grace. But that is truly, truly hostile. So grace. I remember also saying I needed God to remind me more often of these things. And then I got up and started my day.

I was literally telling my siblings about someone's incredible selfishness and how I couldn't believe their heart was so desperately wicked because of what they did. And then I tripped and fell; face flat, legs scattered, body sprawled kind of fall. One way or another God was going to remind me to be patient and to allow for people's faults. One way or another, I was going to have to listen. With a bandage over a knee already riddled with years old injuries from being bullied in secondary school, a bandaid over my hand, and a shattered phone screen, I guess I have no choice but to listen. I am listening. I am learning.

I am learning that people don't always think like me and that's okay. That everyone makes flimsy mistakes. That people sometimes think and talk carelessly. That people are sometimes selfish. There is no need to hold on to it so tightly. Let it go. I am learning that time and pressure happens to all things. That patience is a tremendous virtue. That if God brings you on a journey, he will never forsake or leave you. I am learning. I won't stop.

Love,

I