Nigerians and Sexism

"There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus." Galatians 3:28

Ughhhhh

Even the most contemporary young Nigerian, who is very eclectic and probably cosmopolitan in more ways than you can imagine still reeks of sexism. It is all fun and games when you begin talking to some of them, then things get a little bit serious...the next thing you know, he will randomly slip in a weird thing into a conversation. Something like, "I expect that my wife must have dinner ready by the time I get in. I've been working all day, what has she been doing that dinner can not be ready by the time I walk in?"

See, it's not about whether the wife should cook or not. It's that a modern day man does not entertain the possibility that his 21st century wife can also have a job just as stressful as his.

I was Skyping with my Mom when my brother told me that Twitter was raving because a certain Nigerian celeb's (socialite?) husband had impregnated someone else. Woahhh. I rushed to Twitter for the gist. Of course it was a rave that night. Said celeb had been in a relationship with the husband for TWELVE years before they had a somewhat controversial wedding. This pregnant side chick had also allegedly been in a relationship with the same man for EIGHT years. Things are happening o.

Anyway, as sensational as their gist was, that was not really what captivated my attention. It was people's opinions that did. Of course, trust Nigerians to have varying opinions. A common thread in the opinions of majority however, was placing the blame on the wife, Toke. Excuse me while I re-narrate the ordeal. Toke's HUSBAND allegedly impregnated another woman while being married to Toke. In fact, Toke's HUSBAND was allegedly dating another woman while he was dating Toke. Toke's HUSBAND was the person who broke his marriage vows when he stepped out (if he did). Toke was the one was was disrespected and betrayed. The same Toke was being blamed for the situation.

I am confused.

Now, it is true that Toke is ubiquitous. Frankly, that can be very irritating. But apparently, that's how homegirl makes her coins: public appearances. BEFORE the husband got married to her (amidst the controversies), he must have known Toke hops from party to party, and posts a different picture every other second on Instagram. He still went ahead with the marriage though. How then, was it her fault?

This only meant one thing, many Nigerians (women and men alike) still strongly believe that every bad thing that happens in a marriage is the woman's fault. When the truth is that the two people that agreed to a partnership should strive hard to make that partnership work. Of course, both persons should take parts of the blame. There's only so much we can tell about a marriage we hardly know about. After all, it was just both of them in the marriage. Oh, and the side chick.

There was a friend on Facebook who typed a whole load of bollocks as a status, in which he specifically said he blamed the wife. Guess his reason. He said because Toke always told the world how good her husband was and so, others might have heard. One of those others is the side chick who then took interest in this "very good husband".  He said "she advertised her treasure". If that's not the shittiest thing you've heard this year, what is? My only regret is that I actually took to his comment to reply him. He supported the husband so much that the sexism that oozed from that comment was appalling. I just couldn't.

“Neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord” 1 Corinthians 11:11

Honestly, I don't care much for Toke. I get really irritated seeing her everywhere, but this thing where people kick her when she's already down is distasteful. Nigerian men (and  women) need a renewal of the mind. Many people need to understand that men and women are equal members of the society. A man and a woman in a relationship should be equally invested in the success of that relationship. Listen to me Nigerian men, you are not doing a girl a favor by marrying her. If you don't marry her, someone else will. There are more than 2 billion men in this world. Believe me when I say if you don't marry her, someone else will. It is not by force. Don't start a marriage with a stupid sense of entitlement. You're either in or out. Eesssh. The only thing worse than male chauvinism is women who put other women down. Today is not the day I dwell on such folks. But stop it. It's not pretty.

I saw a comment in one of HONY's pictures (which is a place filled with gems, actually), it went like this:

"Some men don't want wives, they want hostages."

A perfect definition for some Nigerian men. Some of them don't want wives, they want properties. I have digressed a lot from the Toke's issue. That's because, knowing Toke, this may all just be a ruse in an attempt for some PR. Therefore, her issue is not the main point here (as neither herself or her husband has come out to affirm or refute the news). The main point however, or should I say the underlying issue is the sexism problem. This is not to say that Toke is blameless. This is to demand that both parties be blamed or in fact the only party that broke his vow.

Enough said.

Love,

I