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An Engagement and My Mile High Pet Peeves

On to today's gist.

I recently made the shortest trip ever to witness one of my oldest friends get engaged. By oldest, I don't mean age; I mean one of the people I've known the longest.

our other friend and I actually did this! 

Now, unlike literally every other millennial out there, I, daughter of my esteemed parents and the most high God, do NOT like traveling. It disrupts my normal. My body fights it. I'm not able to eat and so much is outside my control. The only other thing I dislike more than traveling is flying. And the only think I dislike more than flying is flying on teeny weeny planes. I traveled to Toronto in Canada, which I jokingly refer to as a local flight because the flight is less than an hour. This meant it was a teeny weeny plane.

Anyway, while my reasons for disliking flying vary (such as my trust issues) one of the major reasons is you—yes, you human beings. Homo sapiens. Co-travelers. People suck. Sorry ha. My most recent trip was the perfect reminder that there are all kinds of people on a plane. Let's do a run down shall we?

The stubborn ones:
These stubborn people are the ones who just choose to disobey simple instructions. They break lines; they want to board before their group boards. And they extend this nonsensical behavior to the plane. Why can't you JUST TURN YOUR PHONE OFF when asked to? Why must you wait for the air hostesses to come over to specially remind you? So those two seconds can't be forfeited huh? The woman beside me was telling someone how much she loved them. I was thinking dude, this plane will land before my sister returns to her room from her kitchen (my sister's joke about my trip haha). So put off the darn phone and let's take off. Or the ones that defy the seatbelt sign. UGH. I don't think she eventually turned off her phone till we took off. You think you are cool; no, you are silly.

the city from above, just as we were landing

First time travelers:
Bless all of our souls, because we were all first time travelers at some point. No one was born with travel experience. But not everyone was an annoying first time traveler. We all hate turbulence. What we don't like is when first time travelers scream about how it's their first time flying and don't want to die. And they wail and scream and make the entire turbulence worse. I'm not going to act brand new and pretend the turbulence on my way back wasn't unnerving, it totally was. But man, close your eyes and pray to God or something. Please don't yell and cry and scream. Thank you.

Kids (not toddlers here; I mean teenagers):
These ones are just point blank obnoxious.  On my way to Toronto, a bunch of kids (about 4 of them or so) sat behind me. From the beginning of the one hour and twenty minutes journey till the end, they did not shut up for one second. They were literally screaming in the name of having conversations. They were incredibly chatty and it was the most inconvenient since I was trying to work. At some point, I felt like turning back and sealing their lips shut with scotch tape. But I did not.

Selfish people:
Who are we kidding? All of the above are a subset of this one. And I feel like this just encapsulates everything. Selfish people are obnoxious; they take your seat; take all of the overhead space; push their seats so backwards, it hurts your legs; spill things all over; yell for no reason either at co-passengers or over the phone. They are selfish.

Despite all these, flying is truly amazing. Honestly. Yeah it sucks but its just such a huge reminder that God is awesome. I mean those clouds😍

And the speed with which a plane moves? Only God could have blessed us (human beings) with the aptitude and wisdom to create such a thing.

All that being said, congrats M! I can't believe it. Little us from Emotan dorm 12 (in QC!) are now grown enough to get married and/or start families. God is good.



Friday Reflectons

1.) This video on the perils of big data sent a chill down my spine because it is very plausible and it's something we don't pay enough attention to. And as someone who works with lots of data in a field where they are obsessed with data more than contextual analysis, it's even more worrisome.

2.) See some of the cruel lies parents told their kids to get them to behave. Hahahaha. It's funny because I can't remember my parents telling me any such lies. They were very frank with me, as in, listen if you don't study and pass, your life will probably suck lmao. Or get in there now and make your bed.

3.) I feel quite bad for saying this & will prolly regret it, but isn't it laughable to say Kepner is a character representative of devout Christians? *chuckles*

4.) And no, her recent crisis of faith is not the reason for previous line; we all have had a crisis of faith.

5.) Seriously though, we need representation in form of characters who love God fiercely, and yet are fallible, and are incredibly smart, but still unapologetic about God and life.

6.) Ooohh just remembered one (RE number 2). I hated vegetable stew (efo riro) as a child, so my mom and brother told me if I ate it, I would be strong enough to beat my brother in a fight. loool.

7.) One of my fave bloggers is back, I think.

8.) Articles like this remind me that I still don't [fully] understand some aspects of American culture. The article is quite poignant and incredibly fascinating. As far as I know though, the typical Nigerian parent wants their child to be exponentially greater than them in EVERY aspect. So they do everything to better your life without ever spoiling or over indulging you.

9.) A quiet exodus: why blacks are leaving white evangelical churches.

10.)  Watch Charlize Therone and David Oyelowo teach each other Afrikaans and Yoruba, respectively.

11.) BRB, I'm watching Wonder Woman

International Women's Day 2018

Happy International Women's Day!

See here and here and here for my previous thoughts from previous years.

I don't have that much to say this year, other than there is still so much work to do. And we can't take our foot off the gas pedal now. This is also actually people's lives, so it's more than just being woke for the sake of it. Yes, you say all the right things, but check your biases. More than sharing stuff on social media, how are you making a difference in the lives of women around you? Are you creating a safe space? Investing in women's work? Respecting women? Contributing to opportunities for women? Supporting charities that help girls across the world?

This year's theme is "press for progress".  I especially love it because it gives women agency...it is a call to action so we can accelerate gender parity and equality. We should look out for one another and speak out. We should also learn to see women as more than just wives or daughters or moms. We are first of all, human beings! We are saying no to discrimination; to inequality; to sexual harassment and assault of all forms; we are demanding better.

Look, when you benefit from oppression, you become threatened by every possibility of it being dismantled. Men wrote the laws, they led the countries, they had the better jobs, only them voted for years. So of course our society is constructed to benefit them. Our society has been designed to benefit one half over the others. It will and must stop.

If you still think all this is unnecessary, it's because you are lazy. You are too lazy to do your research. It's that simple. If you don't understand how and why gender equality is important, your parents might have wasted their money on your education. If you retort to stupid statements implying education is what has made some of us radical with feminism; you are probably correct.

So I'm convinced if you are still ignorant, it's willful ignorance. You have chosen not to know. You have chosen a side: the side of injustice. And please, I hope we know that it's beyond such trite things as cooking or who pays for dates. It's much more. It is literally life and death. If you are one of those who think it's the white man's thing and foreign to our culture. As a matter of fact, it is not. Colonialism is what made our culture so patriarchal. Yoruba, for instance, is not a gendered language.  There is no special pronoun for women or men. I recently told my brother this and he was quite pleasantly surprised to learn that. Aba women, in the 30s led a fierce riot against fiscal oppression and burdensome taxation and WON. Three women started it. And don't get me started with Funlayo Ransome-Kuti.  I want to end #IWD2018 this year with an old caption from someone's Instagram.

"...it's not rocket science, it's not open heart surgery; feminism is a very very simple concept and for the people who have refused to utilize Google. Feminism is simply the advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men. It's not about cooking, who pays on dates, who takes whose name. Those are simply aspects of a general wider movement, and not the root philosophy. Do you believe women should have the same political, social, and economic right as men? Then you're a feminist, kpom kwem.

If you believe in the subjugation of women, you are forever canceled. If you believe women are property, away with you. If you can find any justification for why women should be beaten by their partners, you are a monster. If you believe women should conform to a certain standard of behavior that is not expected of men, you are not intelligent. If you use 'slay queen' as an insult, you are razz. If you cannot respect a woman's sexual agency, you need to be locked up for public safety. If you think that the average man is superior to the average woman solely because of his gender then you need to return your parents school feed.

And finally, if you are a woman or man, but especially a woman, and you ever utter the words "I am not a feminist" we can never be friends and we can not relate. Because feminism is not a choice, it is not an option; it is and has been, an absolute necessity for the survival of the female gender. Therefore, if you are anti-feminism, you are anti-woman, and you are my enemy. 'Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters' Matthew 12 :30 " - Adaku Ufere.

So much for not having much to say haha. But yeah that quote covers it ALL. I could very well have said the exact words.

Also, yesterday was my birthday. Another year around the sun. I wrote on social media that I love the confidence that comes with growing older. And that's all I will say about that haha since this post is already long.



Friday Reflections

1.) Lena Dunham on her decision to have  a hysterectomy at 31.

2.) Katie Lowes on being a working mom on the set of Scandal.

3.) The wait is sexy.

4.) Is God male? Women in early Christianity.

5.) I have still not watched Black Panther. Yup, my black card needs to be revoked.

6.) If you are following Mo'Nique's story, and you are not biased, then you'd know there is some truth to her madness.

7.) I am not boycotting Netflix though, lol. I mean, they would have to do something egregious, emphasis on egregious, for me to boycott them.

8.) Well, hello March!

9.) What's up with the many goals you set this year? There is still time to get them done!

10.) It's my birthday in about 5 days. Yay?

Olivia Pope and Annalise Keating On The Same Screen Is What Dreams Are Made Of

I was going to blog about something else, but LET ME TELL Y'ALL...Shonda Rhimes is a genius. Tonight featured a TGIT crossover. If you don't know what TGIT is...sigh, get in the game, please. Thank God it's Thursday is pretty much a slogan to represent the collection of Shonda shows on abc every Thursday evening. So from 8pm to 11pm it's all Shonda's shows: Grey's Anatomy, Scandal, and How To Get Away With Murder (HGAWM). Tonight, there was a crossover between Scandal and HTGAWM. And it was freaking brilliant. I can't even begin to describe. Now of those shows, Grey's is my gig. The others I like, because hey I like Shonda. But my real jam was always Grey's. HTGAWM has been real great too more recently, but tonight was off da hook.

Seeing Viola Davis and Kerry Washington on my TV was the perfect way to end black history month and begin women's history month. It was so much magic...it truly was beautiful. And Viola Davis sure needs another Emmy. There is something about her, and the way she commands the screen. She represents excellence. You see her act, and you know she TRAINED for this and is highly educated. Julliard, baby!

Upon writing this, I realized it would be hard to tell this story without spoilers. So just stop here if spoilers affect you.

Are you gone? Okay now let's go.

Let's start with the dialogue. It was poignant, it was brilliant, and it was well delivered. They tackled criminal justice reform and Annalise Keating had to go before the supreme court, and that scene was just...breathtaking. To see someone like that, so broken, so damaged; AnnaMae, the little black girl from Memphis find her way from sexual assault, the loss of a child, alcoholism, joblessness, jail...to arguing a case before the Supreme Court. There was something about it. Something very American: that you really can be anything in this country. Yet, it stood in stark contrast with the systemic racism and inequality that has plagued this country from the beginning. The kind of racism that makes a select few profit off the criminalization of black men. The kind of unfairness that makes black women the backbone of this great country: constantly taking care of everyone else but themselves.

The scene with Annalise's mother (the almighty Cicely Tyson) and Olivia Pope was especially emotional. But even more, was Annalise's parents watching her do her thang in the Supreme Court. I also especially loved that they sort of modeled the justices after the real life Supreme Court Justices. In my mind, I sighted Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Hehe.

My sister and I, as we were watching haha
I think what I loved the most was how deliberate the writers were in ensuring it was not just an entertaining crossover, but a thought-provoking one; how thoughtful and sensitive they were to the plight of young men and women who were not given a right to fair trial which they deserved as citizens of America; those poor folks who have been victims of America's broken justice system.

"Racism is built into the DNA of America" - Annalise Keating.

Whew, I am still reeling from that speech Keating gave. She better get another Emmy. She better.

And of course, as with real life, when two powerful, strong people have to work together, there is often some friction at least. Same for Pope and Keating, but the way they read each other for filth was the best. I mean, one second it was two black women in the salon fixing their hair, the next they were throwing serious SHADE. ha. In fact, Megabus is trending on Twitter now LOL.

"...You hauled your broke ass up here on the Megabus." damn girlllll.

And for those who always angry when entertainment infuses/mixes with politics, chill! That's really not a new thing. Historically, the arts have always been political. Not to mention, the arts reflect our lives and should be a demonstration and representation of real life. Best believe if I had to write a T.V show, I would write one about injustice, about inequality, and about unfairness as well. I'm definitely gonna rewatch it.

Love. Love. Love.

Watch it!!! Even if you don't follow TGIT. Just watch tonight's episodes. You will not regret it.

So What is God's Will For My Life?

I recently completed a plan on YouVersion about God's will. hmmm. Maybe I should start a What I'm loving on YouVersion typa thing. I really, really love YouVersion, as I have probably mentioned on this blog a million times. See here and here and here and here and here. Wow, maybe YouVersion needs to sponsor me oh. Tell their people to call my people. Haha. On a more serious note, it's incredibly organized and quite easy for someone like me. And you can literally find something tailored towards how you are feeling or whatever season in life you are.

Anyway, so this new plan I just completed was called "What The Bible Says About God's Will". I wanted to just recommend it, but I know that alone won't work. Knowing myself; if I read some post suggesting something, I probably would not bother reading it too. Yeah, we are all stubborn like that. So I am taking the time to do a short summary, because of just how great it was.  Yeah, you're welcome. Lol. Also it's just a 7-day plan, so if you can, you really should check it out.

A lot of times when you are in a dilemma or life is just really kicking your butt or you ask for advice, most Christians will tell you to do God's will. In fact, before any huge life decision: say you want to move, or go to grad school, or switch jobs, or the VERY ULTIMATE...marry a person, they say but did you seek God's will? Did you ask God before making that decision? Sometimes they are casually talking and then they say oh yeah it was a difficult decision to make about whether to move cities but we asked God and he told us to. Now if you are like me you would scrunch up your face in confusion. Wait. You mean God said that to you? He literally said, lagbaja I think you should move from Lagos to Ibadan or from Los Angeles to Pittsburgh? Huh. And you know what, no one ever really says HOW God told them. Because of this, the rest of us are left wondering what it's like for God to whisper in your ears, "tamedu I want you to marry olori nla".  And yes so many Christians are obsessed with knowing what God's will is. This wait...to hear the voice of and specific plan of God has paralyzed so many into inaction. That's where this plan came in.

Please, [and this should go without saying] I don't mean to say God doesn't speak to us. I mean, Abraham was described as the Friend of God, and God would sometimes go decades without saying a word to him. I believe God speaks to people, but I think most of what he needs to tell us, he already said [in his word]. I think God has equipped us with brilliant minds and the gift of choices. I think God gave us trees; he doesn't need to come down and turn those into wood or chairs and tables for us. I also think to know someone is to know their heart, is to know their desires. But I disagree that God told you what dress to wear to church. Nah uh. I just can't bring myself to believing that. And I am not sorry about that.

Okay Ife, but what about more important things like, should I marry him? Where will I work? Where will I live?

I'll share some of  what I learnt from the aforementioned YouVersion plan. Of course, God cares about our future. But more than those silly minutiae, he cares that we have an amazing relationship with Him, our father. Should you marry him? If you want to, go ahead. The truth though, AND YOU KNOW THIS, is that God has described [endlessly] in the bible what true and noble character is. He has prescribed foundations for a good relationship. But we willfully ignore it because we want to have our way and then somehow manipulate God. There are tons of options for a job, or spouse, or whatever else. But ask yourself if they align with God's desire [as written in his word] before complaining about not hearing from him. There are obviously good choices that are bad for you, don't get me wrong. But see this quote from that plan,

"God envisions a day when what matters most to you is unrelated to the trappings of life...but instead relates to Him! God's will for you is a vertical relationship where those things become less and less important as you are caught up into the depth and glowing height of knowing and loving the Lord."

More than anything, God longs for us to seek him. Jeremiah 29:11, blessed as it may be NEVER said anything about a blueprint for life. God has a sovereign will and detailed guidelines in the bible. Quite frankly, the more time you spend with God, the more second-nature these things become. And this works for everything. I recently asked a teacher of mine how to get better acquainted with a software, such that it becomes second nature. You know what he said?  Just spend more time with it. Time.

Does it not give you some relief to know that you don't have to be up all night figuring out some great cosmic plan especially detailed for you?

This is now too long and there is still so much to say, so I will come back (hopefully) with a second part.

Love, and some peace of mind,


On Ignorant And Nosy People

It's funny that when I wrote this post, I didn't even realize I would have an example so soon. And it's the perfect example too. Let me refresh your memory. So in that post, I talked about people projecting their insecurities on others. I said people always find something to say and will attempt to mask their rubbish with faux concern. For the most part, I said, these people are just nosy or bored or want to be sure your life sucks as much as theirs.

Well, something happened that made me chuckle because it is the perfect example. Y'all know I stan for the Currys. Case in point, see here and here and here. Actually, Steph Curry is practically the only sports person I know. Lol. And If I didn't know his wife, I would not have known him. Anyway, so their family participated in Family Feud and they (Steph, his wife, his parents, his sister) took pictures, and posted the pictures on social media per usual. I saw the picture, aww'd and kept it moving. To me, a regular, sane, business-minding, it was an innocent family picture.

To the insecure, nonsensical busy-body, that picture was proof the Currys didn't care for the middle child (Seth Curry). Let's back up. Steph Curry apparently has a younger brother (Seth) who also plays basketball, but for another team. Now, as anyone with half a brain knows, it is incredibly hard to follow in the footstep of an extremely successful sibling. I honestly don't think Seth Curry is a bad player; I'm pretty sure he is great. But being Steph Curry's younger brother must be like being in the same musical group as Beyonce: not many people notice you. Some people are just like that, their star shines so brightly, others have a hard time being seen around them. It's hardly the fault of anyone; it's just life.

To then think somehow that the parents and family of the Curry brothers prefer one over the other just because he is more of a star is extremely presumptuous and frankly, silly. Many parents claim not to have a favorite child; we'll have to take their words for it. Truth though, I suspect, is that even when they do have favorites, it's rarely for the obvious reasons people think. In the previously described family picture, Seth wasn't there. As soon as those poor folks posted their pictures, people started to comment...and I don't go around reading comments, but I notice Ayesha told her sister-in-law to explain because people were already "coming for them". Hmmph.

oh wow, you guys just act like Seth doesn't exist.

Where is Seth?

Damn Seth didn’t get an invite

Where’s Seth Curry

FIRST OF ALL, WHAT IS YOUR BUSINESS?! Those girls had to keep explaining; they even edited the caption to explain that Seth was not there because he was just recovering from a knee surgery. Can you imagine?  The sister said repeatedly, he is just a part of this family as anyone. You don't know a family's dynamics, you are just on your own making stupid assumptions based on your own desperately wicked mind.  You are conjuring up scenarios that don't exist and then projecting it on another family? And you are not doing this all by yourself, but going ahead to ask intrusive questions and insinuate ridiculous things about something that is TRULY beyond the family's control. Because there was no way they could have had Seth there since he was, you know, recovering from surgery. A fact they would have known, if they were true, actual fans of Seth Curry and not just nosy people. Hopefully Seth Curry is emotionally intelligent enough to not allow such rubbish affect him so much that he starts to feel inferior to his brother.

That's what I mean by not allowing anyone project their insecurities on you. Ignore the noise and do your own thing.