Here Comes The Sun

I was recently at bible study when we were asked to state our "summer song". Huh? I thought. I barely listen to songs, that's the one thing everyone knows about me. Once in a while, I find a song I like, over play it, and then forget about it. I don't like being put on the spot, so when I thought hard and long for about thirty seconds, "Here Comes The Sun" came out of my mouth. When many of us asked what she meant by summer song, she said, any song, actually. A song that reminds you of summer, perhaps. It could be something you have been listening to for a while, or something that just makes you happy, or something that makes you dance as soon as you hear it. The one song that fit those descriptions was Dammy Krane's Amin or Olamide's Bobo. Those songs make me grooveeee.

But I was not ready to start explaining to a group of really nice American girls who those guys were or what in God's earth is Bobo (even I don't know what this means) and Amin. Lol. The next thing that came to mind was Here Comes the Sun. At the point, it did not occur to me how apt that song was Lol. But when I said it, everyone was like "Oh that was a goooooood one" So when I was alone, I listened again and yup!

Shonda Rhimes does not fail. No she did not write the song, George Harrison of The Beatles did. However, some of the best songs, and the greatest classics I know, I heard from a Shonda Rhime's show. The soundtracks are the absolute best. No show does it like Shondaland, to be honest. This song was the soundtrack played during the very last scene of the last season of Scandal, when madam Olivia and adulterer Fitz, reunited. I don't care much about those characters though, just the song. A brief history of the song and how it came about explains why it's all the more significant for me this summer. So I say to you, yaaa it's been a lonely winter little darling, but here comes the sun,  and I say it's alright ;-)

Please take that metaphorically, and perhaps literally too--although I can't wait for fall, this sun is gangster these days. meh


I am off social media, sorry if I haven't responded to your message(s). That's not my style. Anyway, so I have been channeling all that energy into blogging, journaling, and just many other things for my own personal growth. I currently have about 7 posts in my drafts, woop woop. My next one is really nice because I wrote it over several days, like a diary. Hehe.

Enjoy your weekend!


Letting Go And Healing After A Break-Up

"Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up." - Louise Erdrich, The Painted Drum.

I was reading something today...hold up, a second. If it sounds like I start the bulk of my posts with "I was reading something..." "I saw something..." and the likes, I apologize. It is because I am  a voracious reader, and to add to that, a certified thinker. I read e-very-thing! Blogs oh, journals oh, tweets oh, newspapers oh (e-version of course), ingredients of my candy or cookies or whatever, I read them. My mind always wanders (it's alarming). So much that I thought about yoga--not kidding. I wanted to be able to FOCUS. I gave up yoga before I even started for several reasons. Story for another time. So, now we have it there--the reason I start my posts in a similar manner.

Ok, so I was reading something about break ups and letting go. Someone must have complained about letting go of a crappy ex boyfriend and the author gave a list of things to do. Things I believe the said person must have known anyway. And the more I read the list, the more I thought, what sort of bullshit is this? I mean, I read about three different posts within the website answering this person, and they were filled with a bunch of trite and useless suggestions that everyone and their mothers should know about break ups. What the heck does "no contact" "heal" " "go out more" even mean? Lmao.


Anyway, if a Google search led you here, or you just normally read my blog and happen to be recently broken up with your former partner, and you opened this link expecting "10 things to do after a break up" or "20 things to help you get over an ex." I am sorry, I can't help you. I am sorry you're going through whatever you're going through. However, there's nothing me or any other blogger or family or friend can say that will help you. It has happened, it has happened. Just keep living like you normally would. If it's any consolation (I doubt it will be) but people have worse problems and are just hoping to see another day. If however, you really want a list, considering we are a generation of lists and we love being told what to do and how to do it, I will give a list of suggestions.

Pray: if this sounds cliche, it's because it actually works. No amount of no contact, or party-hopping can truly heal your heart the way God's words will. It is best to seek God's word, and get reassured of his steadfast love. The more you read his word, the more you realize that we were created for much more than just dating someone giving you stress.

In fact, marriage/relationship talk is a small percentage of what's in the bible. But there is a ton more about his exceeding love for us, and his unshakable, resolute promises to us, if we would just seek him. The only way to figure out these promises though, is to seek him, talk to him as it really is. No, you don't need to speak in tongues or learn anything specific before you can talk to God. Open your mouth, and ask whatever you desire of him, like you would you parents or friends. Only, God is much more sovereign. After all, even before we ask, he already knows. His plans for us are to give us life, in abundance.

Time: like the old saying, time does heal many things, if not all things. Perhaps, the passage of time does not necessarily fix anything, and instead we just get better at handling things. Either way, the more time passes, the better we feel about things. No matter what it is you're feeling or going through now, it will pass. Eventually.

There are people who have gone through tragedies, and at that point while they were passing through it, their hearts hurt so much, they could feel it physically. Ask those people years later, a lot of time, they have somehow managed to live through it. You can too. In fact, most times, people tend to look back and wonder why they even worried in the first place, considering God was probably delivering you from impending doom. So, somehow people who say "move on" are right. Take that literally, and just move on. Remember to ask God for strength to do so. Just go about doing things like you normally would. Take it one day at a time, if you must.

Learn Your Lesson: Aha. Before step two, make sure you understand the valuable lesson the situation taught you. Doing the same thing, and expecting a difference/change is foolishness. You have to evaluate your life while going forward, and make sure you don't ever make the same mistakes again. I, for one know that if you're not going to tolerate something, stand your ground from the very beginning. Don't be so caught up in the moment, neither should you compromise on something you're uncomfortable with, with the hope that you can always turn things around. Don't do that. You are setting yourself up.

That's it.

It's not rocket science. Life just works that way. We are wired to be tough, to weather through all kinds of storms and still come out standing. I started writing this post yesterday, and had an epiphany earlier today when I stepped into my new apartment. See, I had a difficult time finding an apartment. Every lead kept falling through, and the situation was really bleak because I had only days left before my current lease expires. With the passing of each day, the situation only got worse. I finally found a very good place. When I stepped into my new apartment, I dropped my boxes, looked around, and said "well, darn, this was definitely worth the wait." And boy, it was. I love every inch of the space. It's the same with life. Sometimes, the reason we go through hell while searching for a thing is because, what awaits us at the end of the incredible journey is absolutely perfect just for us. Some of us never just have things drop in our laps, we have to go through hoops and hurdles, but in most cases, the final result is worth it. The apartment I eventually got fit the bill of EVERYTHING I had asked God for  in an apartment earlier. No jokes, everything. But during the search, I threw my desires out the window, and just wanted a place, any place. I was ready to pay 50% more than I had planned, because I was desperate. I kept praying to God, but I had lost every bit of faith he could come through for me by giving me exactly what I wanted.

And we do that a whole lot in this life-partner search thing. It's ridiculous. We know what we want, but we worry we would never get it. We (me too!) worry all the good ones are taken and only the useless ones are left.

 "Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37: 4

I have noticed Nigerian girls everywhere in the "diaspora"  are so caught up in marrying a fellow Nigerian, that they will settle for anything. A-NY-THING. Ah. One small girl my friends and I know (she's really young lol) is dating this other guy (Sigh), and I just keep thinking what exactly can this guy offer her? I am not saying to have improbable desires, but I am also not saying to take anything that comes because of fear. Don't dwell on the failures of the past, so much that you deny yourself on the joy and bliss of the present.

Remember, this too will pass.


Team Jimi Or Team Bankole?

So I stumbled on a video by Ndani TV "Real Talk" show. It was actually quite interesting. It featured the host talking to three celebs, or no, two celebs and one socialite. Actually, one celeb, and two socialites. Honestly, I don't really know what makes a person a celeb in Nigeria anymore.

Anyway, so the exceedingly beautiful host described a scenario; a young lady has been dating a rich investment banker she met through her aunty for three years. However, there's no real connection. The guy does not give her butterflies. In short, he's incapable of connecting emotionally. Remember, he's rich though. So the thrill is still there somehow. In trips to Paris and flamboyant living. Yes hunnay! Lmao. Falz nicknamed the rich guy Bankole.

On the other hand is Jimi who she met at the gym. See, Jimi ticks the right boxes emotionally. He knows sweet words to say to make her feel oh-so-good. She absolutely loves all her conversations with Jimi. The problem however, is, Jimi is basic. Basic being an euphemism for poor. That's right. He's just a regular guy.

So the host asked her three guests what they think, and who the lady should pick. It was quite an interesting conversation, and funny too. I cringed a little bit at the obsession of the host with "financial security" a.k.a money. However, I agreed with everyone. I mean, they all defended their points very well. I really think financial security was used wrongly though, because financial security is very different from flamboyance or extravagance. Financial security is really just that, financial security. In fact, you can make millions and not be financially secure. Financial security can deserve its own discussion entirely. Lol. But for the purpose of this discussion, these ladies and gentlemen implied financial security as RICH. As in, very rich. I am just going to explain what each person said and inject my own thoughts wherever possible.

The host: Like I said, she's a fine girl, but I didn't like what was coming out of her mouth. I disagreed with her the most. She had no real reason for being team Bankole. It was just about money, money, money. Forgetting that wealth can be fleeting and very immaterial in the long run. She mentioned something about wanting a man that can afford the Lekki life yidi yada. I don't blame the babe. If I had to live in Lagos, guess where I would want to live too. Yeah, you guessed right, Lekki. lmao.

Noble: Original Igbo man!! haha. He was team Bankole, but not for reasons you might think. I am not exactly team Bankole, but I promise you Noble made the strongest and most cogent points. He said love is never enough, and you can't run a marriage on butterflies. Either way, the butterflies WILL disappear. You want to doubt me? Ask my eight something year old grandparents if they have any silly butterflies. Nuh uh. Noble also said something that struck a chord; there will always be someone else that brings sparks. Even after you marry, you will always find that person that might create sparks. Instead of indulging them and thereby emotionally cheating on your husband, how about you create sparks with you partner too. Noble said Jimi was a terrible choice because love will not turn on generator. Love will not pay for DSTV. He said, "Have you ever cried in a Rolls Royce? It feels even better" Ha! Money is good my people. The host replied that Bankole is incapable of emotions. Thus, Gbemi's point was spot on.

Gbemi: she was team none. According to her, the young lady can find someone who fits both bills: rich and butterflies-inducing love. Honestly eh, this butterfly thing is too overrated. I have blogged about it before, and let me reiterate; I am too pragmatic to dwell too much in this butterfly thing. Nuh uh. Anyway, Gbemi is all about the cash ohh. After a little bit of humble brag, she explained that there's nothing she wants that she can't buy herself so why should she "manage" with a guy. Gbemi further said there are two types of kids in this Lagos, the ones that say "My name is  Kanyinsola" she imitated a sluggish kid, and the ones that say "My name is Kanyisola" she said sharply. "The difference is in the schools they attend. You have to send your child to a correct school, and you would need money for that." She was spot on there though. You need your kids to be smart and exposed and sophisticated. You need money for that. Gbemi cited the example of her friend that had a choice between a man that makes 12m per annum and another that made 2m per annum (in Naira). The friend chose the former.

Falz: I didn't know this jester was such a romantic. Ha. He kept vouching for Jimi. And he found it ludicrous that the others attached so much importance to money. Which I found weird, since he grew up with and in a lot of money. Don't fall for the fake accent lol. Gists have it that he grew up really wealthy. Duhh, he's Falana's son, so I believe the gists. Lol. Anyway, watch the video yourself, it was quite interesting.

As for me, team who am I?

It's a tough one because  I think the lady is being greedy. First, why has she been in a relationship she doesn't fancy for three whole years? And what's to say Jimi is actually for real? I mean yeah, he's all sweet now, but will he be in the long run? Money is not really the most important thing for me though. But I wouldn't judge anyone who fancies money above all else. The most important thing is to have the fundamentals YOU desire.  Financial stability matters to me more than you just throwing around cash. Like Gbemi, I am beginning to get irritated with this "potential" talk. Forget story, what do you have going on for you NOW? Can I make sacrifices for you, and you me? When the love starts fading, and it will, are we FRIENDS? As in BESTFRIENDS? Do I enjoy your company? When tragedy strikes, and it WILL, am I ready to take on challenges with you? Can I put up with your crazy, stupid family? And you, with mine? Do we have the same grounding principles to raise our children with? Are you as fiercely loyal as I am? And most importantly, can I TRUST you to have my back no matter what?

So if I were to pick of the two, I would find out who Loves the Lord more and answers a positive for all the questions I asked above. That, is team who I am.


Bill Cosby Aka Dr. Huxtable And His Shenanigans.

What a whirlwind this past weekend has been? But that's not why I am here. I think I saw the most disgusting thing on internet yesterday; an article uncovering an entire deposition, where Cosby said "drugs and fame helped him seduce women". First, let's clear one thing; once drug is included in the equation, it is rape not seduction. Apart from the blatant disgust with which the predator described his escapades, it was a pain to read, just how awful the entire situation is. Further, this was a second part of the revelation of a decade old deposition. Long before this deposition however, over forty women had stated that Cosby had sexually assaulted/harassed and every other politically correct way to describe rape. Yet, many doubted these women. Not util this deposition saw the light of day, did people entertain the possibility that their almighty Cosby aka Dr. Huxtable could be guilty. They all attributed it to attention-seeking-fame-hungry women, and called it a mere calumny.

Not me though.

From about the second woman, I looked into his old frail face in one of those stupid shows he had earlier this year (where the audience heckled him), and knew (without a DOUBT) he was guilty of everything he was being accused of. I am not even the best judge of character. I wish I was. However, I am not enthralled by this extreme patriarchy that has taken over our society. Or worse, I know not to mix a person's character on TV with who he really is. The fact is that the Dr. Huxtable person was all too perfect, it was Cosby's idea of completely concealing the monster he really was.

"But, Ife, yes the character was perfect...however, even Cosby himself stood as a moral compass for his community (black folks) and at every chance, he stood for the edification of young men." You might say.

No doubt.

He probably did all those things, and maybe even more. However, if someone shows you who they really are, honey, BELIEVE them the first time. I am not saying to not give people second chances. I am saying to become aware and totally conscious of what such a person is capable of. People will always let you and me down. Sometimes, you can think very highly of someone, and in fact have a deep veneration for said person. It does not exclude that person from doing something extremely stupid. #FACT. And when that happens, what you should do is mentally remove that person from a list of people who deserve honor. You don't even have to act like it, you don't have to do anything. All you have to do is exercise caution, and remind yourself NO ONE is infallible. If anyone thinks he/she is, then he/she is the biggest fool ever.

I sincerely hope this Bill Cosby thing brings attention to many others like him. And honestly, I don't feel sorry that his legacy has been destroyed.  It's high time. There are some things you just can't get away with. Oh, and as for his wife. Some of you take this loyalty thing to another level. Don't get me wrong, I don't joke with loyalty. I am fiercely loyal. But bruh, I would not put up with being married to a rapist in the name of loyalty...nah uh. Truth be told, no one can tell the extent to which she knew what was going on. So, no one should actually fault her. Oh, and his children :-( I feel so sorry for them, you know. But they will be fine, as long as they remember that their father being a monster does not mean they are. Hopefully, when others talk about this nonsense too, they will be wise enough to know that this ignominious act is all on the man himself, not his family.

To our society at large that keeps doubting countless women who have been raped, which way though? Which way?



Everything Is Yours, Everything Is Not Yours. Clemantine Wamariya

This is probably the most thought provoking piece you'll ever read on the internet.

It's the story of a Rwandan and how she escaped the massacre with her sister, to become a refugee.

From being a refugee who literally almost starved to death to graduating from one of America's best colleges, Yale.

Read the story yourself:

Remember though,

"The world owes you nothing; nobody deserves more or less than the next person."




1.) I know it's not Friday, but I have too many things on my mind.

2.)The problem with having too many things on my mind is that, I am never able to capture all of them into one or two blog posts; it will become a ramble.

3.) I need to practice discipline though, especially with this blog.

4.) I am sitting down and eating my Sunday Rice* alone, with a lot on my mind...a whole lot.

5.) I had hoped Sunday Rice would bring memories from childhood to help alleviate things. Nah uh. I'm eating it alone, so nope.

6.) I think I really am missing my sister, who spent six weeks being less than 5 miles away from me haha. She's now back to being over 100 miles away :-(

7.) Twitter is raving at the moment; of course it's about feminism and the hatred for it.

8.) Yaaa, my next post might be on feminism. See, for as long as Nigerians keep displaying their folly on Twitter about feminism and gender inequality, I will keep talking about it. Hopefully, some day, someone will learn.

9.) Anyhoo, a man that will not share house chores with me should please not marry me.

10.) My love language is "Act of Service" (I literally just came up with that lmao)**. So if I don't want to be grumpy for the rest of my life, I better be wise enough to marry someone who will help me, sometimes at least. Fin.

11.) I completed all six seasons of White Collar yesterday. Sigh. I get too attached to these shows. This was phenomenally good though.

12.) I also watched The Bodyguard movie for the first time ever yesterday. For so much hype, I think it was really basic.

13.) It felt good to just come here and pour all these out. I'm thankful I have a blog. Oh, I just had my fill of laughter from Emmy Collins. That dude is hella funny.

14.) Have a blessed week filled with love and laughter.




*In many Nigerian homes, the staple lunch on Sundays is white rice with stew (a tomato/pepper sauce, if you would). I don't think I'm wrong if I say it formed a huge and emotional part of majority of our childhoods, so much that it is now colloquially termed "Sunday Rice" among Nigerians.

**I had always wondered what my love language was, because I thought I was a mix of too many of the languages. However, upon seeing the discussion on Twitter this afternoon and the rage that engulfed within me because of some tweets, I just concluded my love language had to be "Act of Service". I love when people go above and beyond for me. And when I can, I try to reciprocate.

Happy New Month!

I woke up with a grateful heart today.

I was incredibly happy to see a new month.

Towards the end of the day however, I heard a really devastating news about someone I knew.

It almost killed my joy, I think it did slightly.

I have decided though that death shouldn't be given that much power.

Instead I am choosing to celebrate life, and choosing to be happy, regardless. :-))

Here's to a new month, and to the beginning of the second half of the year.

Happy new month!