Friday Reflections

1.) Does it happen that when you're really happy sometimes, you begin to wonder if there's an impending doom? No? Me neither.

2.) I started my day by going through HumansofNy's documentary of Pakistan. I started by fighting back tears, and ended bawling.

3.) I can never be grateful enough for technology. It expands your worldview and perception in no small ways. Oh my God! God is awesomely awesome, beyonds words can describe.

4.) I missed my friend E, so much.

5.) I looked forward to this week so much, and now it's technically over.

6.) My sister moves to on-campus housing for the first time tomorrow. I am not nervous, but I think she is. If she is, she's doing a marvelous job at masking it.

7.) I am actually very  happy at this moment, I am so thankful for that. I owe it to God and to being with family.

8.) The monster that shot those journalist on live TV; I am mad, excruciatingly mad that some people are trying to excuse him, because he had a "tough" life. What BS!

9.) May the souls of the dearly departed rest in peace, and may American leaders rise to the challenge and bring about the change (desperately needed) in gun controls.

On Friendships

A couple of weeks ago, my sister completed a six weeks rigorous summer program and I went to pick her up. As we were about to leave, one of the friends she made there rushed down to her room to bid her goodbye. Within a couple of minutes, about two others trickled down. They hugged, said nice things to each other, and promised to keep in touch. It was an emotional goodbye. Somewhere in the background, I stared in complete surprise and with a little bit of envy.

I felt pangs of jealousy.

Let me explain.  Making friends has never been so easy for me. I have never been that person to make real friends in such a short period of time. I could stay years in a place and not make a single friend. How then, was my sister able to make such good friends in just six weeks? I don't know if she noticed how I kept asking her if she had known any of them prior to the program.

"No." She said.

"But how come you guys are already so close?" I asked, still insisting on how impossible I thought it was.

"We did everything together everyday for six weeks. That's a lot of time." She rationalized.

Well. I thought to myself.

Don't get me wrong. I have great friends. Some of which I have known since either of us hit puberty. In fact about 95 percent of my very good friends, I have known for over thirteen years. While I may suck at making friends, I absolutely rock at keeping them. That I know. But as amazing as these girls are, it's also great to make new friends. I mean, everyone should make new friends at some point. Especially because we are all getting very busy with being adults. There was a time I used to be bothered if a friend had not checked on me in a while, now I just suck it up and remind myself how busy we all are. Yet, although solitude is absolutely great, loneliness is bad for the soul.

Everyday of my life, I thank God that my siblings are my friends. It's even more amazing because, being my siblings, I can be absolutely vulnerable with them. I anticipate my brother's many voice notes (ha ha. We are the worst with voice-notes). I am so grateful for them.

More so, upon the realization of the difficulty that comes (for me) with making friends. So to already have friends that have the same DNA as me, is something I am more than grateful for. The only thing I hate more than my lack-of-friend-making-skill is when people blame it on my introverted nature.

Ife, you too go out more. Put yourself out there.

Argh I hate that statement. Please if you know me, and I know you and you're reading this, don't say it to me. Thank you.  The only thing worse than that is:

Go to an African church.

(Hello Mommy!)

Africans outside Africa are the absolute worst!!! Sorry not sorry. Urgh. There is always an unspoken rule for competition among us. And while I want to make new friends, I detest shitty and complicated relationships. Believe me, I have had my fair share of drama in friendships (Hello Q.C lmao) and I don't want any of that. I learnt EARLY that if it is not real friendship, it is not worth it. Unconsciously, or perhaps consciously, I have dropped many "friends" for that reason. Let's make each other laugh, let's learn together, let's grow together, let's keep each other company. Other than that, I don't want anyone that stabs me in the back. I also don't like forced friendships. That's why all these plastic relationships I see on the Instagram makes me chuckle. Bleh.

But yeah, I cherish great friendships, and I know if my friends were not all thousands of miles away from me, perhaps I wouldn't see the need for new friendships. I know I'm not the best person to talk about making friends, because I don't make efforts. Moreover, I am weirdly VERY comfortable with my own company. But the more I try, the more I realize how different I am from a lot of people. I was out the other day with a group of friends. It sucked. I spent the whole time explaining to my brother on What's App how much the outing sucked. How could people be that pretentious? I didn't understand. They were laughing at stupid jokes, telling each other blatant lies, and ordering overly expensive meals. I couldn't get it.

I remember the Meet and Greet with Nigeria's president last month at the Nigerian embassy. I was slightly excited about going because I thought, oh at least I'd be able to meet people. Fail. People just clustered in tiny circles, and did everything short of putting a physical barricade, to stop anyone from joining those circles. Lawl.

So while making friends is a GOOD idea, don't you ever force what's not there. My Dad once told my sister and I :

"There's no subordinate friendship. You are either on equal terms or no friendship."

Listen, truer words were never said. If you bend your back, people will ride against it. If you, because of a need for friendship, do ALL the work in that relationship, you do yourself a disservice. No matter the amount of love you show some people, they will never reciprocate. They will give every excuse possible, but will not change. Don't do that to yourself. It is either mutual, or non-existent. Don't try too hard. Don't attach yourself to everybody, it makes you look somehow, and familiarity always breeds contempt by the way.

Friendship is great, amazing. Some people have this great circle of friendship that is worth being envied, some others just don't.  I really wish it came more easily for me, but when I think of the above paragraph, I comfort myself and remind myself of how much I love my company. I think it's why I emphasize on the need to either marry my best friend or make my spouse my best friend. Because this life is a lonely ride, so I would need a true partner. One that is indeed a partner in every sense of the word.

Here's to great friendships!

May we experience amazing and phenomenal friendships and relationships!



Friday Reflections

1.) I am sitting alone in my apartment and speaking to myself in a Liberian accent. No, I don't know any Liberian.

2.) Have you ever failed?

3.) Many people underestimate me. I think it can be a strength.

4.) I am so tired...exhausted.

5.) So thanks to La Bella Imperfezione, I found this wonderful PIECE ABOUT MARRIAGE.

6.) That piece is the truth. I often wonder, how are we expected to share our personal space with one person forever?! Ah.

7.) I caught up via Skype with my longtime/childhood friend, B this past week. It was great!

8.) Oh yeah, I wrote something on friendship. I have just been too lazy to edit and post.

9.) I actually found an old notebook while moving recently. I used to write a LOT in it when I had just finished college four years ago, and did not know what to do with my life. LOL.

10.) When I have the time, I will refine them and post them here. That way they will be online forever! You know, I could misplace the book. I can't misplace the internet though.

11.) Car troubles. Pfft.

Doing While Waiting

Every christian I know—and even many non-christians—struggle with finding that one thing; perhaps God's purpose for us, or just finding that thing that makes our hearts giddy, or finding the perfect career. And that's okay. That's wise, to be honest. Personally, I have been struggling too. The greatest battles are indeed fought in the mind. I have wondered over the years what my true passion is, I have sought to know what God created me for. I have tossed and turned on many a nights. I have been restless and I have felt lost too many times. I have looked on with a little bit of envy at people so certain about their true calling, and wondered why I just could not have a light bulb moment, or maybe a flashing light from above, while I stood in vast waters and listened to an angel give me a list of my calling. More recently,  I have also had to make decisions, and again felt saddled with a responsibility of making important choices.

You know what recently occurred to me though, we are doing it wrongly. Yes, we are. We think God's purpose is something that looks like a list of duties for one lifetime. When God's purpose unfolds over the course of a lifetime. God created us to glorify his name and to spread the good news of his name. Your service to God is beyond, way beyond a special calling or duty, your service to God is in allowing yourself, allowing your life to "unfold as you connect with Jesus". Your service to God is loving your parents. Your service to God is loving your spouse the way Christ loves the church. Your service to God is to Love God undoubtedly through your neighbor, through your friend, and yes, through your enemy. Tricia Goyer said God's will is not following specific tasks, God's will is knowing his heart and stepping out to serve as you feel him leading you at the moment. She said it was way beyond marching orders, but rather staying connected to God.

Now, what about my job? What about my career? What am I supposed to do? Those are valid questions too, and that's the major reason for this post. I am not going to ask you to make a list of the things that excite you, or a list of your passion (believe me, even I wonder what the heck my passion is!). Not that those don't matter, they sure do.  But Matthew 25 (beginning from verse 14) taught me something. The parable of the talents, which was one of Christ's way of explaining the kingdom of heaven. It was also another proof that God does care what we do with our lives while on earth. The man in the parable was traveling to a far away country and he gave talents (golds/silver) to each servant according to his ability. Note that, each was bestowed with talents according to his ability. God will never give you more than you can handle.

"I know God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much." - Mother Teresa.

Now, something else struck a chord in that chapter.  As soon as the man gave talents/gold/silver to the three servants, NIV version says the servants who received five and two golds respectively went at once to put the money to work. Take not of the phrase went at once.

See, they did not sit down and brood. They didn't wake up every night wondering, what does my master want me to do with these talents eh? They got to work immediately. The third servant did nothing. Absolutely nothing. He did not even make attempt. So what should happen while you're waiting for God to tell you what to do, or while you're waiting to figure out what you want, DO. Keep doing. Just keep working. Go at once, and work with what you have. Learn a trade, get a job, work your butt off at that job, go to school, teach others, what ever, just DO. Be restless. Like I told my friend M, while doing, you may not find exactly what you want, but best believe you WILL find what you do not want. At least that way one thing is checked off the list of what you don't want.

That passage was a jolt back to reality for me. I had spent days brooding too. I had been restless, and I had ignored my sister when she said "why don't you just sleep over it instead of trying to figure everything NOW." But I am naturally impatient, so all that fell on deaf ears. My parents had cheered me on, but I refused to believe them and instead just sulked, because I "wasn't sure what next". Reading those verses though, I got back up and started to DO.

You will never ever have it figured out at once, that's definite. If you could, who would want such a boring life anyway? haha. While you are waiting to figure it out however, remember to keep doing. Remember to be restless. Go on and conquer.


Friday Reflections

1.) "American children are growing up with no faith, no moral values, and no sense of right and wrong (because everything is good and okay now), and their understanding of a hero is Bruce Jenner. Meanwhile, the enemy lurks and plots against us." Vera NAILED it here

2.) "Everybody is winging it, some just do it more confidently."

3.) Thankful for my momma bear, poppa bear, brother bear, and sissy poo. They are my biggest cheerleaders, even when I consistently doubt myself.

4.) The first Republican presidential candidates' debate was yesterday and I enjoyed watching it. It's just, it's hard to convince people that Trump is not an undercover Democrat paid to sabotage the Republicans.

5.) I honestly have no idea how there are people who don't find politics interesting.

6.) Everything good will come.

7.) Will we ever fully understand the complex relationship between faith, hope, and the will of God?

8.) Doing while waiting.

9.) I just started watching Being Mary Jane; I want to be so irritated at that character, but then I realize that she is a representation of many black women. That breaks my heart so badly.

10.) May we never be so desperate that we beg a man—we’re not married to—to have his baby. Amen.

11.) "Very often...the outspoken women are painted as angry and bitter spirits. The outspoken men are praised as revolutionaries and heroes." -- Solange Knowles.

Musings From...

...the top of the potter's wheel. Hahaha. That's the beginning of one of my favorite bloggers, Inthe...'s bio. I wish she was more regular with blogging though, but alas, life has to happen. Her posts always hit the right spot, and they have been a blessing to me. I kid you not, every post is phenomenal. Okay, this is not an encomium for Inthe.., although she really is amazing.

I am about to really ramble, if you can't already tell. This post is a mash up of rants at several points in the past  few weeks (about three to four weeks). I think I'll make this a thing, where I am thinking something, put it in my draft, and put it all together as a post. They will be extremely random sha. Not every time planned and well orchestrated post, sometimes ramble and spontaneity.

I find many Nigerian parents hypocritical. Like a TON of them are in very unhappy marriages, yet they keep bugging young women to get married. I don't understand that logic at all. It's like going into a hole, seeing how dark it is and then from that hole be calling out to your kids to find another hole to enter. Makes sense? I am not saying all Nigerian marriages are awful, but a huge percentage stay put in dead and lifeless marriages. At least, oyinbo, they divorce. I am fiercely Christian (as you might have been able to tell from past blog posts) but I almost believe in divorce. I can't explain. Ok fine, I don't Lol. I used to though, then S told me to stop. She told me to remove the possibility from my mind, that if one saw it as an option, it would be hard to persevere. But do I want to persevere though? Or endure? I want to ENJOY marriage not endure. I also feel like the option of divorce does not put unnecessary pressure on you. Ya dig?

Anyhoo, divorce ain't good. Moving on. I was gossiping with my Mom recently about a family friend and how the woman did not want her child to marry from a particular tribe. I mean, I know it's a thing with Naija parents, but really kini big deal? That's how my Mom too was giving list. I was like CHILL, you Naija parents, are you the ones marrying the person or your child? I was arguing so much with my Mom, she must have thought I have an oyinbo boyfriend. Lmao. Meanwhile, I just LOVE to play devil's advocate sometimes. Of course I know I am more comfortable marrying a Nigerian, and would marry one. However, above all, I usually just advice people to marry a good person. Honestly.

Enough marriage talk. I am currently typing from a hotel room, where I am attending a conference and it's bliss. I am also suffering from a terrible allergic reaction and its CRAZY. Arghh, my legs itch like mad. I almost went crazy earlier today. But I will be alright by the power of Jesus's name. Amen. I used to be so cryptic, but along the line I started to loosen up. But I think I wanna go back to being cryptic. Too many people are taking me for granted. I want that to stop. My Mom says if I frown too much, I won't find husband (we're back to marriage talk lmao).

I always wonder if I'll ever stop blogging. I have now been blogging for two years.  Of course I'm not a Blogger, if you know what I mean. I do enjoy writing though, and my stats are okay: people read. However, I wonder, to what end? Maybe one day I'll be in a bad mood and just stop. No need for story.

Sandra Bland. Sigh. These people might frustrate you to give up your quest for social justice. I was so sad when I heard the news. There are despicable people out there. UGH. However, I am uncomfortable with people insisting she could not have taken her life because they knew her. Mental health is beyond the understanding of many people. Instead of seeking to understand, they just make ignorant comments. The fact that she was all smiles and giddy, or the fact that she had a new job does not mean she was NOT depressed or going through something worse. Haven't we all at one point put up a face and act all giddy when inside is dark and twisty?  I have. Plenty times. I have legit cried on an escalator, stepped off and flashed my brightest smile. So while I empathize with her family, I can't say without a doubt that she did not actually kill herself. Unfortunately.

At one point or the other in our lives, we most likely would go through an insurmountable problem, which we think we can never come out of.  Sometimes, hard as this problem may be, others may perceive it as inconsequential and wonder why you're complaining so much. Truth is, only you knows where the shoe pinches. Personally, it sometimes is the tiniest things that bother me the most. But I have learnt and I am still learning to trust God. A lot of times, we completely forget how sovereign and powerful God is. We completely go through the storm alone, when we could have turned to God to calm the storm for you. I don't know what you're going through, but have you at least taken a second to talk to God about it? I am striving to make it a habit of turning to God as soon as a problem hits me instead of what we typically do--turn to God AFTER we have found no other way out of the hellhole. God shouldn't be the last option you turn to when you have run out of options. In fact, he's the only option there is.

I want to challenge you to seek God genuinely everyday of our lives. It's hard to see the manifestation of his work though if we can't trust him enough. Some people are like me; they KNOW as a matter of fact that God is capable of whatever (just bring it on), but they just don't think he'd do it for them. The best way to conquer this is to think of the times he has come through for you in the past. Yes, the reality of things states that everything is bleak. I hear you. However, there are several examples in the bible of how God defied the 'natural norm' to establish his glory. As far as I know he's still the same God. Therefore, before you table the matter on social media, or with friends, or family, how about to table it to the most sovereign God?

"Just because something doesn't work in your life doesn't mean you're under a satanic attack"- TD Jakes

Ok enough yarns.

P.S: when I use colloquial terms that  some might not understand (most of my readers are in the U.S of A) I try to translate it below, but I am really lazy tonight. Please bear with me.

P.P.S: if you read to the end, you're the real MVP. Sending some kisses your way.

P.P.P.S: I typed as I was thinking (on different days), so I did not mean for it to look this disjointed; that was sort of the idea though.