Relationship Goals?

I like 2Face a lot. I also respect him. He is not just very talented; he’s also very hard-working. Of the many Nigerian artistes (and there are MANY), I think he’s one of the very few who actually sings songs with great content that also become hits. I mean, to have been in a game for about 20 years and still be as relevant, that’s not an easy feat. On top of all that, I have heard how extremely humble he is. So yes, I respect him a lot. Annie Idibia: I don’t know very much about. For a very long time, I didn’t know she was actually an actor, I thought she was just “2Face’s wife.” Basically, I am indifferent about her.

Friday Reflections.

1.) I broke my Twitter hiatus to comment on a blog post by Eziaha on motherhood. I thought it was refreshing and just had to make some comments on it.

2.)  God came through for me this week. He always does, but this week was beautiful :-) I am overjoyed.

3.) I am learning to find inspiration in other people's strengths.

4.) Two people I know have recently thought me through their actions that no matter how dark it gets, the sun will surely rise again.

5.) One is a young widow I follow (indirectly) on Instagram. The tremendous strength she has displayed since the passing of her husband has been remarkable. She is learning to move on in the face of the impossible, and is finding her feet again as a Gynecology and Obstetrics Resident.

6.) Priscilla Shirer absolutely rocks. What a great preacher! Check her out on YouTube or in her most recent feature film, WAR ROOM!

7.)  Mozzie of White Collar is so funny! I could listen to him for days. I don't know who is more sassy, Mozzie or Cristina Yang of Grey's. Either way, both are my favorite characters ever.

8.) I am tired of all the BS that goes on in Scandal. However, on September 24, I will be one of the most eager viewers. #TGIT people!

9.) TGIT (Grey's Anatomy, Scandal, How To Get Away With Murder), Modern Family, Empire, Being Mary Jane, Wendy Williams Show... this fall is about to be a blast. I'm almost tempted to get a new TV.

The List

Upon the realization that I have not read a non-academic book in a  while, I came up with a new challenge for myself; a list of books to read before the end of 2015. I am also being motivated by the fact that I might loose access to a consortium of library in some months. Eekkk. While I have been able to keep my mind busy by constantly reading things from all over the internet, I haven't really read a book for leisure in a while. I prefer like biographies so this list consists mainly of biographies, memoirs, autobiographies and things like that. You're more than welcome to join me. In no particular order, they are:

1.) I am Malala by Malala Yousafzai.

2.) Helen Keller: The Story of my Life by Helen Keller.

3.) Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank.

4.) Bossypants by Tina Fey.

5.) A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers.

6.) Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me by Mindy Kaling.

7.) Why Not Me by Mindy Kaling. Read excerpts here.

8.) Hard Choices by Hilary Clinton (I already started this but dropped it, it was too much like school work Lol)

9.) The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch

10.) To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee (I know. I know. How have I not read this??? But I really have not lol).

11.) Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson

I honestly do not know what business I have making a long list of books to read as the next few months might be the busiest of the entire year for me. Whatever though. I will read these books. That, I know. So,

Here's to broadening our horizons and inspiring our minds through reading.



Some Words To Remember In College

I was skimming through a Youtube Video about things to know before heading to the University. I had thought about writing a post like that, especially for my sister, but she's not a freshman and I forgot about it. On seeing this video though, I remembered again and thought, why not? More so because many schools resumed this week. Ok so the Youtube-er mentioned a phrase, "Nonsense boys and nonsense girls" to describe certain people we all know: on Twitter such guys are called fuckboys. I will start my list with them.

1.) Don't you ever let anyone take you for granted. See, there are some guys (posing as boyfriends) out there who are looking for slaves, not girlfriends. They will want you to cook for them, do their laundry, wash their dishes, and in fact do their homework. Flee. As a matter of principle (I have recently decided), if I am not married to you, I don't owe you anything.  Don't turn your life over—move to a different city, refuse a job, change apartments—for a man (or woman) you are not married to. This came the easiest for me in college because if you know me well, you'll know I am somewhat lazy (and of course a little bit selfish). Plus I don't enjoy cooking. I cook because I have to eat. So freshmen, beware of those immature, childish, lust some of you will mistake for love. Dare I say, don't waste your time looking for love on college campuses, especially not in your first year. I personally don't know anyone married to their college sweethearts. In this old poll by Osemhen of Eureka Naija, majority wished they had not dated in college.

2.)  Freedom (and independence) is overrated. I understand many of you have been living with your parents since you were conceived in the womb. You have yearned for that time when you have no one to answer to. You can't wait to finally have your privacy, and be alone. No. Now more than ever, you need to be accountable. You really are not yet free. You will eventually have so much freedom in the nearest future however, that you will wonder what to do with it. You will eventually wish for the time your parents decided everything for you. So savor the moment, and remember, always be accountable. I don't ever go anywhere without letting at least one person know; my siblings, my friends, or even my parents. I am not necessarily seeking permission from them, I am using them to keep myself in check.

3.) Peer Pressure. This one is real in every facet of life. There will be some people who have taken freedom a little bit too far, and are extremely glad to be away from home. They will hop from party to party to party. They will drink like cows, and flirt with every and anything. They will keep late nights and forget the real purpose they are in the University. The worst is, they will want to drag you with them. Stand your ground and remember to have your own principles. Don't do something just because some one else is doing it. I remember in our last year of  secondary school (high school), everyone was bailing* out for one party or the other. And I could have too, because ALL my friends did. I did not though, and it's not because I was a good girl (I wasn't bad either), it was only because I did not want to. Had I gone, it would have been because everyone was leaving and I wanted to be cool too. Being cool is overrated. Learn how to say NO. There are some things that stick with you in college and they stick forever lol. The aristo** girls of those days will always be aristo girls forever. It doesn't matter if they are now tongue-lashing, spirit-casting born again christians. Once a runz babe, forever one in the eyes of everybody. So, take heed.

4.) Be selfish. Yes, I said it. You are there for you. You can be as selfish as you deem fit. It comes back down to number three. If someone needs something, and it will affect you negatively, don't do it. You don't have to make any sacrifices for anybody. This is probably one of the few times you can be as selfish as you want to be.

5.) Your Studies. I have a feeling I will be wasting my time here. The truth is no matter how you explain the importance of education and excellence to freshmen, I don't think they will ever get it. Excuse my cynicism, but your grades might define you forever. If you are a trust fund baby or the next big entrepreneur, feel free to skip number five. But please believe me when I say STUDY HARD. Go in hard, LEARN DESPERATELY. READ. Broaden your horizon. Use your library. Don't miss any class. Whatever you do, just make sure you finish excellently and try to be well rounded. I find people who say they have no single regret in life pretentious. I regret that I didn't finish better. I am not the smartest person in the world, but I can now confidently say I had a lot of untapped potential as a college student and could have done a lot more better in school. So please, find a study method that works for you, and stick to it.

6.) Suck up to your Professors. I don't know why but just do it if you can. (I find this excruciatingly hard). Many of them want you to stroke their egos. If you school in Nigeria, please skip this or follow the advice at your own risk.

7.) Make Friends. It's just always wise to have someone on your side. For me, I already had very good friends from high school. But I made some more in college, especially two very amazing ladies in my class. In retrospect, it would have been nice to have had friends in my class earlier. Refer to my post on friendship for more on this. Remember, "There's no subordinate friendship. You are either on equal terms or no friendship." If it's not working, pack your bag and leave.

8.) Financial Responsibility. I understand that many freshmen still depend on Daddy and Mommy. That's good. However, it'll be prudent to begin to learn the basics of financial responsibility and budgeting. Try to save, and be more responsible with spending. If you can cook, and have the time to do so, it'll help you save a lot. If not, sorry. Lol. I never ever cooked in college (except for noodles) and I wasn't always broke, I did alright. So, you can definitely manage.

9.) Eating Healthy. Don't buy and eat junk every time. If you will buy food, buy real food. You don't need to become calorie obsessed or eat only quinoa and oats (which by the way tastes like death sentence) to be healthy. Protein, carbohydrate, vitamins, water...and you'll be fine. Just don't live on soda and chips. I used to be a coke (the drink, not cocaine) addict*** in college and while I didn't become obese, I didn't think it was wise. I also walked a lot, so walk instead of cabbing and use the stairs instead of the elevator when you can.

10.) Spirituality. Oh this was good for me. My campus fellowship strengthened my faith a lot. I am still glad I joined that fellowship. Please don't throw all the values your parents raised you with inside the thrash can. Stick with those values and develop yourself spiritually. Be in tune with God, and seek him everyday. Especially for those flying thousands of miles away from home; I get  that you will be tempted to conform, but I also know that you can choose instead to renew your mind daily.

11.) Learn how to write. I don't care if you are learning how to build robots or how to cure cancer, LEARN how to write. Maybe not technicalities, probably just verb-noun/subject-verb agreements and proper grammar. But learn how to write. Even if you're going to cure cancer, you  will need to write a grant proposal. Even if you are a tech entrepreneur, you will need to shoot emails to investors. Remember that Formal Letter writing you were taught in high school, you will need it in real life.

12) Loneliness. The first few nights are the hardest. Even after spending six years in boarding school, and four years away in college, I still miss home sometimes. Technology has made things easier though. Call, Skype your family. Please don't do anything stupid because of loneliness. It will pass. Start your favorite show all over again (This is my favorite thing to do), watch movies, go on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, before you know it, your boredom has passed, and it's time to study.

13.) Finally, remember to live. While going overboard is not prudent, remember that time is fleeting and have a little fun. Join debating clubs, learn a new language, run, play soccer, read novels, write novels...whatever, just live. Because once you finish school and join the labor market, (I hear things are tough out there lol) there will hardly be any time to do those things.

I'll end with my mother's favorite quote, "As you lay your bed, so you will lay on it."

Go on and conquer!



*to leave boarding school without permission.
**girls who sleep with much older men (or any man even) for money.
*** I first wrote "coke addict". On a second read I thought, HOL UP, what is going on here? Ha ha