How To Ruin Your Labor Day Weekend And/Or Make a Colossal Mistake

In the summer of 2014, while preparing for graduate school, get a PC. Decide that the PC is not good enough for you, so get a MacBook. Be oblivious to the fact that you just used your money to buy yourself a whole lot trouble in advance. Rather, tell yourself you just bought computer security for numerous years.  Finish graduate school with your computer still intact. Be thankful that your computer is solid. Quirky, but solid. So keep living life.

Two years later. Wake up on a beautiful Saturday morning; grab your laptop and start working.  Make substantial progress, because it’s morning and you are most productive in the morning. Be cogent, clear, concise, and very analytical. Keep typing and tying your arguments together like a boss. Think about getting coffee or tea just to be bougie, and then remember you react terribly to caffeine. Respect yourself and keep working. Then…cue people from your village*.

Remember this rockstar woman doing rockstar research you recently met. Google her [for the umpteenth time]. Think about a personal statement you once wrote to remember how ambitious you once were. Open this personal statement. Get inspired all over again. Decide to close it and continue working. Click “x”. See Do you want to save the changes made to document11?” but READDo you want to save the changes made to SOP?” Assume you mistakenly typed something while reading the personal statement and click “don’t save” because you don’t want any changes to that genius statement.

Click on the Word icon in your computer to continue working and get a blank document. Squeeze your face and turn up your nose in confusion. “Where the hell is my work?” Ask in confusion. Minimize every page in search of your work.  Squeal in horror at the realization of your stupidity and colossal mistake: you just deleted your WORK.

Scramble over to Google to try to pick up pieces of your broken heart and mind, because honestly you gave your freaking all to that work and do NOT know where to begin. Try everything Google tells you. Scurry over suggestions upon suggestions: remove one eye; remove one ear; insert one tooth inside your system preferences; nothing. Ask your Dad if he knows what to do. Hear him ask you why you did not save it in the first place. Ask yourself why you did not save in the first place. Rush over to your sister who is usually very resourceful. Stand with her in the bathroom—yes the bathroom—till she comes up with something. Try more solutions and read people talk about solutions that worked, and watch your idiotic computer not respond to the suggestions. Realize your computer was a waste of money. Because really why are Macs so freaking annoying and hostile to anything not made by Apple?

Go to your BBM and post your misery. Watch people respond, with kindness to your stupidity. Take their (you guys rock, by the way. Really) suggestions and again witness your computer’s idiocy.  Be grateful for the love you receive.

Call Microsoft. Call Apple. Sigh.


Accept your fate.

Start your work all over.

That, ladies and gentlemen is how to ruin your perfect weekend. Or, How to Be Dumb 101.



*I do not have a village, but that sounds like the only logical explanation for my daftness on Saturday morning.


  1. Hi Ife,

    Schizer! Awww, this must have been awful (there's a pun in there somewhere) :-)

    I love your writing style, it's so witty. Lol

    1. Hahaha. Thank you, Nedoux; first, for stopping by; and then, for your kind comment. You made a girl happy with your comment. And, absolutely: it was awful indeed. I'm still recovering.