Much Ado About Hiding Your Significant Other Online: Should You or Should You Not?

We haven't had a book of the month SINCE MAY. And none of it is my fault. For some reason, everyone is interested in reading the same books I want to read.  There are 194 people waiting for a book I have on hold at the library (they only have 24 copies). And then, another book I have on hold has about 150 people waiting (they only have 20 copies or so). I really don't want to buy a new book so here we are. I will admit that the past couple of weeks have been really busy for me so maybe it's good? I don't know. I plan on going back to really old books that have never been featured on this blog so watch out for that. 

Alright here we go. What are we ranting about today? Nothing really. I wanted to write about billionaires and the obscene idolizing of rich people. But quite frankly, I'm too tired. While this post will be published on a Tuesday, it is being written on a Sunday morning so yes, I am too tired to rant about that on this beautiful, peaceful day of the Lord. Instead we will rant about something else.

I am bringing you a topic I already talked a little about on Instagram. 

A few weeks ago, Issa Rae got married. Yay her. Good for her.  But it was apparently a surprise wedding? I'm not entirely sure about that because I know we all knew she was engaged but Issa Rae has always presented an allure of extreme privacy; secrecy, if you will. Apparently, that's something people respect a LOT. Because all over the interwebs, people started preaching about the virtue of "moving in silence"  and how much better Issa Rae is for not showing us her boyfriend/fiancé/husband all this time. Even though her posting this man (AND her wedding) is what prompted this conversation. Even though this man has walked red carpets with her. Even though she had talked about him in interviews. But all of a sudden, people started talking about the virtue of secrecy, how you should never share, and how social media is not the place to talk about the good things of your life. Weird flex.

Wait a hot minute. By the way, before we move on, this (right here, what is happening in this post) is why I can't have a niche for this blog because I talk about too much nonsense. But moving on. 

I had been entirely confused and thought I was alone in this confusion before people started posting my thoughts and basically articulated what I was thinking. Someone said,

"Before you start projecting your own relationship onto Issa's and going on about 'moving in silence' and 'popping up married' please remember you're not famous and literally no one cares about who you're dating and you should probably post your partner if it makes them feel good." - @austinxwill on Twitter.

LISTEN.

I preach against social media A LOT but like most things, it is a tool. And it is one that can be wielded for good and for evil. However, using social media to celebrate the people in your life doesn't seem like the worst thing in the world to me. I should know, I do it a lot. And I can tell you for a fact that people LOVE to be celebrated. They may not be as generous as to celebrate others but it doesn't stop them from receiving it or even desiring it. So what is all this nonsense about hiding things? As with most things, it can be traced back to fear. 

I think, like @judnikki on Twitter said, it is extremely pathetic that you're afraid of showing off your partner because of other people's opinions. It is in fact cowardly. Even if it does not work out eventually, so what? Why should you be embarrassed because you were IN LOVE. It doesn't mean you failed and frankly, it doesn't mean the relationship failed. It just ended. We have to change the conversation around stuff like this. For most people, the fact that things went sour doesn't mean it was never good nor does it take away from the good and amazing times you had.  

Now, most importantly: WE DO NOT CARE. At the core of most people, they don't care. Yea, sure they talk about it for a minute, but they don't care. It's not even up to a WHOLE month that Issa got married and everyone has moved on. That's right; we have better things to do (this is awkward, since I'm quite literally basing an entire post off it. I swear, I also have better things to do😔😔). I love what Denola Grey tweeted:

"Post you boo. Don't post your boo. Reveal them on your wedding day. Don't reveal them. But if you're following an inaccurately perceived blueprint from a public figure who you have no access to personally, you might want to try some autonomy. There is way more scrutiny, on a large scale in celeb couplings. Which is why some certain precautions and dedication to privacy are taken and tailored to the individuals involved in a celebrity coupling. if you're not a public figure, the scrutiny is objectively less."

He didn't stop there:

"The obsession with how people hide their SO or whatever logistics are involved in perceived extreme privacy is so weird."

Most people really do not care as much as you think. I will give you one better, most people do not have the time to care. So please, if you want to share, please share. Ignore this nonsense "move in silence". I am a little nosy, yes, but more than that I love good news. I want to see the joy on your face with your partners, your babies, your friends, your families. Joy. Love. why would you not want to share that? Do you think we only want to read about racism, depression, anxiety, wickedness every single day? Come on.

For me particularly, I don't think anyone gives an eff whether or not my picture is online. For better or worse, I don't have a sense of self-importance AT ALL. I am not deluded into thinking some "hater" somewhere cares how I move or whatever. I have realized that people are dealing with wayyy too much to care about random nonsense. I don't know if this is good or bad. I used to assume everyone else was like this. And me being me who loves to celebrate and cheer people on, whew it HAS been a thing  (is all I will say). I am learning that people move differently. I don't want to be seen as too much so now I just post me and me alone. But anyway, no I don't really believe in the concept of the "hater". [Alright, there is this one babe lowkey obsessed with me and my family. Otherwise, meh.] 

Let's be honest, privacy has an allure; all that mysteriousness, there is a seductiveness to it. Beyonce is a global power for many reasons, including she is one of the biggest pop stars of this generation (and generations to come), BUT one of the many reasons she is so adored is people just can't figure her out. It could work either way: people couldn't figure out Hilary Clinton and so they resorted to despising her. I'm saying, when people don't know you and they really want to, they obsess about you. 

If you genuinely want to keep certain aspects of your life hidden because you're  a little shy (which I get since I can be like that); or  maybe because you just actually suck at expressing yourself; or because you feel like your motives are wrong (perhaps you are also like me, chasing humility); or because you just honestly want to be considerate of other people's feelings (yes that's a thing. I can relate to it too cos I have decided not to post on certain days to protect people's feelings); then good, that's all okay and fine. You do you.

But if you don't want to post because you think using social media makes you uncool, you're lame. Or if you don't want to post because of fear, then you need to work on those feelings. You cannot let fear drive your life; whether that's fear of what people will say or fear of failure. And yes, I too, have been too afraid to post sometimes—though this is more about my radical opinions than pictures or my "private" life. 

Congrats to Issa. The rest of us: you don't have some moral high ground because you're "private". You are not curing cancer, sweetie. You fell in love. In the words of the legendary Ellis Grey, "anyone one can fall in love and be blindly happy..."

So should you or should you not? Well, it all depends, doesn't it?

Love,

I