This blog/site turned ten this year, rather unceremoniously. But yes, it was ten years ago I published my first post ever on the Internet. And there have been various iterations of this blog and quite frankly, of me too. I meant to make a big deal of the blog turning ten, but honestly life happened. The exact day (July 24) I was traveling for work and the farthest thing from my mind was this blog.
There have been times I didn't know what to do with it and wanted to shut it down altogether; delete everything and go into hiding. My sister said if I ever delete this blog, she would "never forgive" me. Those were her exact words. If you know my sister, you know she's not ever that aggressive so it was a little shocking to hear her say that (haha). And I believed the threat so I decided against that. I won't delete. The threat did not include not ever writing though. So I thought that for a while: that I wouldn't post anything here anymore. Ah that lasted all of 2 seconds before the next idea for a post came. The whole writing thing comes so naturally for me sometimes, that it feels a little foolish to quit it.
I have been consistent. I have been inconsistent. People have read. People have not read. But if we are keeping it real (or vulnerable, as the Internet loves to say) it hasn't grown nearly as much as I would have liked. In the beginning, it did. People read a lot. But eventually that growth fizzled out. I wouldn't call this blog a failure. And trust me, having actually failed at things, I know what failure looks like. This isn't that. Yet, I don't know that I would call it a success. So here we are. As with most things, in between.
Where do we go from here? I have written on practically everything: love, career, success, failure, friendship, politics, justice, faith, religion, books (people really love this), everything! I've evolved in my thinking. There were ideas I held ten years ago that now disgust me. They all reside on the blog (I haven't deleted them) and are helpful reminders of my growth. They allow me have grace for others too because no one is born knowing it all. I say all of this to say in a lot of ways, it feels like the end of an era. Or maybe the beginning of a new one? I genuinely don't know where to go from here. Maybe stop this one altogether and start a new one? An IG influencer I like (Take note of this moment, I never ever like influencers) closed her old page (with 12k followers) to start a new one. Another (what is happening to me?) retired from influencing. I'm not an influencer—I do NOT want to be one—but there is something to be said for quitting this. If I didn't have to write another thing, whew I would have so much time to sleep and watch tv and talk over the phone with my friends. What is the point? I've gotta stop at some point, no?
Someone recently asked me, "if no one ever read what you wrote, would you still write?" Now, the answer they wanted, and that you want, and that is expected is, "of course!" But it is more nuanced than that. Of course, yes, I would always want to write. It almost feels like a compulsion. But every true artist, creative, for anyone that produces something from the soul, you want to share it with the world. You want people to consume it. That is an important part of the process.
The Instagram page of this blog is even more tedious. And growing it has been more painful than ever.
I didn't intend for this post to be an existential crisis. I wanted to commemorate TEN years of going for it. I wanted to write and I wrote. I did just that. I went for it. I expressed strong opinions. I expressed neutral ones. I poured my heart out. I combined my heart and my intellect. It has been a play ground for sure. One of the best things this blog did to me was allowing me to be free. Let me explain. In real life, there are so many naysayers willing to tell me/show me I'm not good enough. My goodness, from grad school, to work life, and maybe even my personal life. But here, Lord, here I can see that I am, in fact, good enough. Whereas in real life, your writing is destroyed at every level, criticized, used to assert weird power and dominance. Here, I'm the CEO, creative director, writer, boss, marketer, all of it. I've enjoyed the different aspect to varying degrees (marketing being the LEAST, and writing, being the BEST). That freedom is like a cool breeze to your face on a hot summer day. That freedom is a gift. That freedom is priceless. And this blog did that.
I don't know what comes next, truly. But this blog will always be there, as long as the Internet allows? When and if I feel like it, I think I will still write. And if I don't, at least I once did. TEN years and FIVE HUNDRED AND SIXTY (560) published posts later, I am so proud of myself.
Thank you for reading!
And special shout out to Aish for always commenting.
Happy TEN years to me!
All my love,
I
Awww not me finally getting around to the post and seeing my shout out. 😂😂Adulting <<<
ReplyDeleteI dunno why I feel you’ll still write 😂. Let’s just celebrate the blog on 10 years! That’s a 10yr old child and phewww..kudos to you! That’s hard work tbh. Well done 👏👏❤️
Aish
Hahaha Thank you!! And also, thank you for your vote of confidence. Ha , who knows I probably still will write. But I have resisted for over a month now so I might have to keep this going. We'll see.
DeleteOh my Ten is such a wonderful feat, as a long term blogger who has been writing to prime herself for her book ( still not written it yet) all I can say is congratulations. 10 years at a single solitary task is no mean feat so well done! also she is right- don't delete the blog.
ReplyDeleteThank you soo much!
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