1) I have not been blogging much these days because I feel 'out of touch'. This is not writer's block because I've been writing in other places.
2) After a busy week, I went to one of my favorite blogs, Rmj today and learned many things (as usual!). Something that struck a chord however was, if someone compliments you, better believe them.
3) Oh, what it feels like to be so loved. Amazing.
4) Solitude is not a bad thing at all.
5) Although nothing beats a great company; especially when the said company is your family :)
6) Am I the only one that feels like I got absolutely nothing out of my undergraduate degree? Probably. Shrug.
8) One of God's greatest gift to me is the ability to teach myself. Self development is a good thing.
9) This thing going on in Missouri, there's so much to be said about it but no, I won't blog about it.
10) But eh if you know you're already being suspected of being a thief, what the heck are you doing playing with the child of a goat?
11) Number 10 is a Yoruba proverb I translated to English literally.
12) Today, my Mom read her daily devotional to me...over the phone! LOL
13) I hope you guys get your daily dose of Loveoasis Magazine at www.theloveoasis.com You do not want to be left out! Don't say I didn't tell you :-D
Naysayers.
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
"A person who habitually expresses negative or pessimistic views."
At one point or the other in our lives, we have all encountered people like this. I should paint a picture. Everything is going well for you or seemingly so. Perhaps, things are not even going well for you but you are about to make a decision. Sometimes, life altering decisions. Other times, just a simple decision. Then that person—and it really can be anybody; friend, family or foe—hears about this decision. At this juncture, they jump in, under the guise of having your best interest at heart, of course. Uhunn. Wet blanket. They usually have one advice or the other to give, mostly the advice they will never take heed to themselves. You know what's worrisome? These people are hardly enemies or strangers. Oh yes, they are mostly friends. Ah friends.
"Hey girl, I just got these new denims. How do I look?"
"Nah. This doesn't work. Or maybe it's the picture. You always look somehow though in all these pants you get. Your dresses too are not nice at all."
"Hey X, I want to get a certificate course in Jumpology."
"What? No! What on earth do you need that for eh? It's useless. Why not Sitology or maybe Standology. Forget Jumpology please."
"Hey you, I finally decided to take that job."
"That job? The one I said makes no sense at all? Better don't take it."
"Hey T, I am looking at starting my own business and quitting my job."
"*laughs hard* You? Start a business? You'd better not try that. You? You barely got a C in Entrepreneurial Studies. How on earth will you manage? Don't come begging me for money o."
And so on and so forth. Now, as you may have noticed, I always add a caveat to most things I say. Sometimes, you really do have a stupid idea. Not everybody who counsels you or criticizes you is a Naysayer. I hate to burst your bubble but that decision may really be unwise. So you should definitely still always seek counsel. At least that's what I'll do. But Naysayers do have some particular characteristics I think I have noticed and decided to mention below.
1) Anger; These kinds of people harbor deep feelings of anger/resentment/bitterness towards you. And no, it's usually not because you did anything to them. It may also be that there's something about you or about what you do that threatens or undermines them . Again, you most likely don't even know about this. These kinds of people use anger to thwart the newfound joy and zeal in you.
source
2) Mockery And Sarcasm; This is when you start hearing sarcastic and rhetorical questions. Sometimes, naysayers use ridicule against you, they mock you and tease you. They will probably be waiting for you to 'fall' so they can tease you or affirm their thoughts. "Oh of course, I knew you could never get an A. hahaha"
source
3) Threats And Intimidation; Maybe not as directly as in "Hey, I'm gonna kill you if you succeed" No. It is usually with subtlety. They oppose you with intimidation. They make it their jobs to remind you of the many things that can and will go wrong should you decide to take that huge step.
4) Discouragement And Exhaustion; I once read a message from a man of God that said something along the lines of "Satan knows that the halfway point in any work is the most effective time to strike. When a new project begins, there is plenty of enthusiasm. 'Let's arise and build! Let's do it!'. If you get over the midway hump and see the completion drawing near, there is another surge of enthusiasm. 'We're almost there! Let's get it done.' But right in the middle of things, exhaustion and discouragement set in. People have lost the initial zeal and all they can see are the piles of rubble still waiting to be removed. They feel like quitting." It is usually at such points naysayers come in, they discourage you. They remind you of the many troubles the project has brought and is still bringing. They let you see reason why you should quit.
source
5)Negativism; This is probably the most obvious of all. I shouldn't say much on this. Let me reiterate something though, MISERY LOVES COMPANY. I think it is hard for a complete stranger to transmit their negativity to you. It is usually someone very close to you. Honestly, I wanted to remove this from the list because while writing this I realized that many of your families and friends would inadvertently try to transmit their negativity to you. We are in a world filled with so much chaos that people sometimes find it hard to maintain any positivity. When I hopped on the #100happydays tag band wagon on Instagram, I'm sure some people may have thought "What's doing this one?" or "What's making her happy sef?". Whereas they may even have many more reasons to be happier than I am but unlike me, they have refused to look inwards and realize that we ALL have one reason or another to be happy. So, people (myself inclusive) will whine and complain around you, they will tell you the many things wrong with the world. Pay them no mind, stay positive. I'll conclude this point by saying while all naysayers are negative, I strongly believe not all negative people are naysayers. I don't know how to explain the last sentence any further.
source
The effect of all of the above is one thing; FEAR.You have seen anger, you have heard mockery and threats. Of course, you are wearing down through exhaustion. Even the devil mostly uses fear to paralyze people and keep you from doing any significant thing. "You have never done it before and you don't know if you can do it. Maybe it's fear of rejection. If you try it, others will think you are a fanatic and stand off from you. It may be a fear of conflict. If you do what God wants you to do, you know that you'll catch flak. So you back off."
Instead of letting naysayers bring you down emotionally and discourage you, you should respond with prayer, hard-work and just focus on God. Of course, you shouldn't just pray and do nothing. You should put your hearts into your work and not get distracted.
I should also add that, the fear of becoming a naysayer should not stop anybody from being honest especially with friends and family. The thing with constructive criticism is that you are doing it out of love. You are not doing it to bring anybody down. If any of my friends wear something that is not flattering, I will definitely let them know. I won't try to destroy the person's self-esteem though or just use the opportunity to show my how much I despise them even though we are supposedly friends. If someone tells you to shed some weight, they are not naysayers, Lol. As a matter of fact, they love you. Haha. On a more serious note though, I may have been a victim of people trying to shut down my dreams one way or another in the past. I recently remembered and decided to blog about it. This is not a personal thing to anyone though. I just wish people would stop channeling so much hatred and envy towards another person and begin to help one another.
Love,
I.
At one point or the other in our lives, we have all encountered people like this. I should paint a picture. Everything is going well for you or seemingly so. Perhaps, things are not even going well for you but you are about to make a decision. Sometimes, life altering decisions. Other times, just a simple decision. Then that person—and it really can be anybody; friend, family or foe—hears about this decision. At this juncture, they jump in, under the guise of having your best interest at heart, of course. Uhunn. Wet blanket. They usually have one advice or the other to give, mostly the advice they will never take heed to themselves. You know what's worrisome? These people are hardly enemies or strangers. Oh yes, they are mostly friends. Ah friends.
"Hey girl, I just got these new denims. How do I look?"
"Nah. This doesn't work. Or maybe it's the picture. You always look somehow though in all these pants you get. Your dresses too are not nice at all."
"Hey X, I want to get a certificate course in Jumpology."
"What? No! What on earth do you need that for eh? It's useless. Why not Sitology or maybe Standology. Forget Jumpology please."
"Hey you, I finally decided to take that job."
"That job? The one I said makes no sense at all? Better don't take it."
"Hey T, I am looking at starting my own business and quitting my job."
"*laughs hard* You? Start a business? You'd better not try that. You? You barely got a C in Entrepreneurial Studies. How on earth will you manage? Don't come begging me for money o."
And so on and so forth. Now, as you may have noticed, I always add a caveat to most things I say. Sometimes, you really do have a stupid idea. Not everybody who counsels you or criticizes you is a Naysayer. I hate to burst your bubble but that decision may really be unwise. So you should definitely still always seek counsel. At least that's what I'll do. But Naysayers do have some particular characteristics I think I have noticed and decided to mention below.
1) Anger; These kinds of people harbor deep feelings of anger/resentment/bitterness towards you. And no, it's usually not because you did anything to them. It may also be that there's something about you or about what you do that threatens or undermines them . Again, you most likely don't even know about this. These kinds of people use anger to thwart the newfound joy and zeal in you.
source
2) Mockery And Sarcasm; This is when you start hearing sarcastic and rhetorical questions. Sometimes, naysayers use ridicule against you, they mock you and tease you. They will probably be waiting for you to 'fall' so they can tease you or affirm their thoughts. "Oh of course, I knew you could never get an A. hahaha"
source
3) Threats And Intimidation; Maybe not as directly as in "Hey, I'm gonna kill you if you succeed" No. It is usually with subtlety. They oppose you with intimidation. They make it their jobs to remind you of the many things that can and will go wrong should you decide to take that huge step.
4) Discouragement And Exhaustion; I once read a message from a man of God that said something along the lines of "Satan knows that the halfway point in any work is the most effective time to strike. When a new project begins, there is plenty of enthusiasm. 'Let's arise and build! Let's do it!'. If you get over the midway hump and see the completion drawing near, there is another surge of enthusiasm. 'We're almost there! Let's get it done.' But right in the middle of things, exhaustion and discouragement set in. People have lost the initial zeal and all they can see are the piles of rubble still waiting to be removed. They feel like quitting." It is usually at such points naysayers come in, they discourage you. They remind you of the many troubles the project has brought and is still bringing. They let you see reason why you should quit.
source
5)Negativism; This is probably the most obvious of all. I shouldn't say much on this. Let me reiterate something though, MISERY LOVES COMPANY. I think it is hard for a complete stranger to transmit their negativity to you. It is usually someone very close to you. Honestly, I wanted to remove this from the list because while writing this I realized that many of your families and friends would inadvertently try to transmit their negativity to you. We are in a world filled with so much chaos that people sometimes find it hard to maintain any positivity. When I hopped on the #100happydays tag band wagon on Instagram, I'm sure some people may have thought "What's doing this one?" or "What's making her happy sef?". Whereas they may even have many more reasons to be happier than I am but unlike me, they have refused to look inwards and realize that we ALL have one reason or another to be happy. So, people (myself inclusive) will whine and complain around you, they will tell you the many things wrong with the world. Pay them no mind, stay positive. I'll conclude this point by saying while all naysayers are negative, I strongly believe not all negative people are naysayers. I don't know how to explain the last sentence any further.
source
The effect of all of the above is one thing; FEAR.You have seen anger, you have heard mockery and threats. Of course, you are wearing down through exhaustion. Even the devil mostly uses fear to paralyze people and keep you from doing any significant thing. "You have never done it before and you don't know if you can do it. Maybe it's fear of rejection. If you try it, others will think you are a fanatic and stand off from you. It may be a fear of conflict. If you do what God wants you to do, you know that you'll catch flak. So you back off."
Instead of letting naysayers bring you down emotionally and discourage you, you should respond with prayer, hard-work and just focus on God. Of course, you shouldn't just pray and do nothing. You should put your hearts into your work and not get distracted.
I should also add that, the fear of becoming a naysayer should not stop anybody from being honest especially with friends and family. The thing with constructive criticism is that you are doing it out of love. You are not doing it to bring anybody down. If any of my friends wear something that is not flattering, I will definitely let them know. I won't try to destroy the person's self-esteem though or just use the opportunity to show my how much I despise them even though we are supposedly friends. If someone tells you to shed some weight, they are not naysayers, Lol. As a matter of fact, they love you. Haha. On a more serious note though, I may have been a victim of people trying to shut down my dreams one way or another in the past. I recently remembered and decided to blog about it. This is not a personal thing to anyone though. I just wish people would stop channeling so much hatred and envy towards another person and begin to help one another.
"According to recognized aerotechnical tests, the bumblebee cannot fly because of the shape and weight of his body in relation to the total wing area. The bumble bee does not know this, so he goes ahead and flies anyway" - Igor Sikorsky
Love,
I.
The LoveOasis Magazine.
Thursday, August 7, 2014
For its July issue, digital Lifestyle magazine, LoveOasis Magazine has Gbenga Adeyinka on its cover. In the interview, he talks about his Career, Marriage and Inspiration. In addition to the personality interview, they have two newly wedded cover couples sharing their stories and their beautiful wedding pictures.
Some of the featured articles come under the following columns: A leap of Faith, 8 Realities of Marriage, Memoirs of a Pregnant Woman, Getting over it and many more inspiring and entertaining subjects. The magazine is accessible (and it’s FREE) on any Smartphone device, Mobile Tablets and PCs. To read the issue #9, visit us at:
About Us: The LoveOasis Magazine is a colorful digital lifestyle publication with contents that focus on the issues of weddings, marital unions, relationships and social lifestyles. Each monthly issue features a married personality with a sub-edition featuring a newly wedded couple on the cover.
……… Celebrating eternal love
Dispatch from Guinea: Containing Ebola.
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
The link below contains emails from a Dr working in one of the isolated infected areas in Guinea. They were all incredibly sad and devastating emails but they provided real insight on what the disease really is besides all the medical jargon we have heard in the media.
http://news.unchealthcare.org/news/2014/june/dispatch-from-guinea-containing-ebola
http://news.unchealthcare.org/news/2014/june/dispatch-from-guinea-containing-ebola
The Real truth About 'Boring' Men—And The Women Who Live With Them: Redefining Boring
So not every guy proposes with lip syncing, rolling cameras, and a choreographed entourage.
Yeah — so what if your Dad didn't?
He just pulled that beat-up Volkswagen Rabbit of his over in front of Murray Reesor’s hundred acre farm right there where Grey Township meets Elma Township, pulled out a little red velvet box, and whispered it in the snowy dark: “Marry me?”
“He didn't even get down on one knee or anything?”
You boys ask it incredulous, like there’s some kind of manual for this kind of holy.
And I've got no qualms in telling you no. No, he didn't even get down on one knee – it was just a box, a glint of gold in the dark, two hallowed words and a question mark.
“Boring.”
I know. When you’ve watched a few dozen mastermind proposals on youtube, shared them with their rolling credits on Facebook, marveling at how real romance has an imagination like that.
Can I tell you something, sons?
Romance isn't measured by how viral your proposal goes. The internet age may try to sell you something different, but don’t ever forget that viral is closely associated with sickness – so don’t ever make being viral your goal.
Your goal is always to make your Christ-focus contagious – to just one person.
It’s more than just imagining some romantic proposal.
It’s a man who imagines washing puked-on sheets at 2:30 am, plunging out a full and plugged toilet for the third time this week, and then scraping out the crud in the bottom screen of the dishwasher — every single night for the next 37 years without any cameras rolling or soundtrack playing — that’s imagining true romance.
The man who imagines slipping his arm around his wife’s soft, thickening middle age waistline and whispering that he couldn't love her more…. who imagines the manliness of standing bold and unashamed in the express checkout line with only maxi pads and tampons because someone he loves is having an unexpected Saturday morning emergency.
The man who imagines the coming decades of a fluid life – her leaking milky circles through a dress at Aunt Ruth’s birthday party, her wearing thick diaper-like Depends for soggy weeks after pushing a whole human being out through her inch-wide cervix, her bleeding through sheets and gushing amniotic oceans across the bathroom floor and the unexpected beauty of her crossing her legs every time she jumps on the trampoline with the kids.
The real romantics imagine greying and sagging and wrinkling as the deepening of something sacred.
Because get this, kids — How a man proposes isn’t what makes him romantic. It’s how a man purposes to lay down his life that makes him romantic.
And a man begins being romantic years before any ring – romance begins with only having eyes for one woman now – so you don’t go giving your eyes away to cheap porn. Your dad will say it sometimes to me, a leaning over – “I am glad that there’s always only been you.” Not some bare, plastic-surgeon-scalpel-enhanced pixels ballooning on a screen, not some tempting flesh clicked on in the dark, not some photo-shopped figment of cultural beauty that’s basically a lie.
The real romantics know that stretchmarks are beauty marks and that different shaped women fit into the different shapes of men souls and that real romance is really sacrifice.
I know – you’re thinking, “Boring.”
Can you see it again – how your grandfather stood over your grandmother’s grave and brushed away his heart leaking without a sound down his cheeks?
50 boring years. 50 unfilmed years of milking 70 cows, raising 6 boys and 3 girls, getting ready for sermon every Sunday morning, him helping her with her zipper. 50 boring years of arguing in Dutch and making up in touching in the dark, 50 boring years of planting potatoes and weeding rows on humid July afternoons, 50 boring years of washing the white Corel dishes and turning out the light on the mess – till he finally carried her in and out of the tub and helped her pull up her Depends.
Don’t ever forget it:
The real romantics are the boring ones — they let another heart bore a hole deep into theirs.
Be one of the boring ones. Pray to be one who get 50 boring years of marriage – 50 years to let her heart bore a hole deep into yours.
Let everyone do their talking about 50 shades of grey, but don’t let anyone talk you out of it: commitment is pretty much black and white. Because the truth is, real love will always make you suffer. Simply commit: Who am I willing to suffer for?
Who am I willing to take the reeking garbage out for and clean out the gross muck ponding at the bottom of the fridge? Who am I willing to listen to instead of talk at? Who am I willing to hold as they grow older and realer? Who am I willing to die a bit more for every day? Who am I willing to make heart-boring years with? Who am I willing to let bore a hole into my heart?
Get it: Life – and marriage proposals — isn’t not about one up-manship — it’s about one down-manship. It’s about the heart-boring years of sacrifice and going lower and serving.It’s not about how well you perform your proposal. It’s about how well you let Christ perform your life.
Sure, go ahead, have fun, make a ridiculously good memory and we’ll cheer loud: propose creatively — but never forget that what wows a woman and woos her is you how you purpose to live your life.
I’m praying, boys — be Men. Be one of the ‘boring” men – and let your heart be bore into.And know there are women who love that kind of man.
The kind of man whose romance isn’t flashy – because love is gritty.
The kind of man whose romance isn’t about cameras — because it’s about Christ.
The kind of man whose romance doesn’t have to go viral — because it’s going eternal.
The kind of man whose romance isn’t about cameras — because it’s about Christ.
The kind of man whose romance doesn’t have to go viral — because it’s going eternal.
No, your dad did not get down on one knee when he proposed – because the romantic men know it’s about living your whole life on your knees.
There are Fridays. And the quiet romantics who will take out the garbage without fanfare. There will be the unimaginative calendar by the fridge, with all it’s scribbled squares of two lives being made one. The toilet seat will be left predictably up. The sink will be resigned to its load of last night’s dishes.
And there is now and the beautiful boring, the way two lives touch and go deeper into time with each other.
The clock ticking passionately into decades.
**********************************************************************************************
Maybe I am more of a cynic than a romantic or perhaps a realist like I call myself —although someone swears I'm too much of an idealist to be a realist as if they are mutually exclusive *side eye*— but I am now at a stage where I am no longer fazed by many things. I mean, I still aww when I see some Bella Naija and Instagram wedding pictures, but something tells me that with all the extravagance that go on in these things, no one is paying attention to marriage anymore but to weddings and other superficial things. Before you get carried away though—and with ALL things in life not just marriages/weddings—ask yourself the real questions. Does this matter? These people I am trying to please, do they even care? Ten years down the line, where would these people be?
As usual, I saw this beautiful piece somewhere on cyberspace and thought to share. Enjoy. I hope that one day, people understand the most important things but till then, bring me boring. I love boring. I am boring.
Love,
I
Blog-Versary...Hurray!!!! Plus Compilation Of Popular Posts.
Thursday, July 24, 2014
Guess whose Blogiversary it is today, mine! Today makes it a whole year since I started blogging. Of course, I am thankful. I think I have been more consistent than I thought I would be, so I commend myself. Truthfully, I have NOT been that consistent but I surpassed my own expectation. Not just in consistency now, but even in terms of readership and audience. The fact is that I don't publicize the blog that much. I share most posts on Facebook, just a few on Twitter and I have since stopped putting it on my BBM. No word of mouth at all. There is not one person I personally told to check my blog out. My Dad shares ALL my posts though lol, my siblings share some. My friend M once sent a post to everybody on her email list haha (Thanks bae). Also my friend Tomi the owner of www.withtomi.com sometimes shares some. That's about it. So imagine my huge surprise when my words and articles have been to countries I have only seen on the map; Bolivia, Kenya, India, Germany, Japan, Turkey. Places I only dream of visiting, my words have been. Imagine my surprise when I realize that thousands of people have read my blog or perhaps people have visited my blog many thousands times. The internet is quite fascinating, to be honest. I hardly post pictures neither do I have a unique design—I should work on these soon though, I mostly just write, literally. Yet, Blogger tells me that people are reading. SOOOOOO, ladies and gentlemen, THANK YOU. For always reading. For sometimes commenting. For sometimes emailing me.
(Source)
So, how do we celebrate this big day? Hehe. I decided (long ago) to list the ten most viewed posts on my blog in the past year. Although, thinking about it now, since they were the most viewed, do I still need to put them below? Shouldn't I just list the least viewed? I'll probably do that at a later time. But for now, the posts that got—and are still getting— the most buzz. Here goes;
1) MY HUSBAND IS NOT MY SOULMATE This was not originally written by me. I got it off another blog. The idea behind the post is something I had always strongly agreed with so I thought to share it. I would later realize that many people were quite fascinated by the topic and discussion. Oh well.
2) DID GOD REALLY SAY THAT TO YOU...OR DID YOU SAY THAT TO YOURSELF? Lol, this is just about three or two weeks old. I guess the title spoke for itself.
3) MY ANGER JOURNEY Honestly, the idea to blog about this thing came very randomly. It was a challenge or maybe a dare to make it public. I hope I challenged someone else.
4) THIS THING CALLED LEADERSHIP My personal expository on leadership with inspiration from the bible.
5) BATTLE OF THE SEXES AND OF EQUALITY The closest thing to feminism I ever wrote about.
6)SOMETIMES, LIFE IS WHAT IT IS, LIFE. My anti Y.O.L.O campaign. Someone needed to tell some of these young people to get off their high horse and wake up from their slumber to the reality of things. I volunteered to do the telling.
7)YOU WERE MY FAVE, OLU. Yayy, the second fiction on this blog. It was quite convincing though. My friend, Ugo thought I did lose someone. Lol.
8)HOW RIHANNA TAUGHT ME TO SAY NO TO NUDITY Rihanna did not actually inspire the post. No, it was a blogger who got inspiration from nudity that aroused my interest in the topic. Really? Nudity and feminism? Seriously? Ugh.
9)ON LAZY AFRICAN INTELLECTUALS AND NON INTELLECTUALS WHO DETEST THE TRUTH What kind of a title was this anyway? Lol. It was not originally written by me also but I gave it that title. It was an AMAZING post with plenty of truths and wisdom. And the pageviews was just as amazing.
10) SILVER JUBILEE PLUS ONE One of my earliest blogposts in celebration of my parents' wedding anniversary. People love love though. Lol.
Whew. That was not an easy compilation. With this list, I probably would be able to narrow the focus of the blog. So, drinks on me of course, for tonight. Dress code is formal; black. See ya tonight. Lol
Thank you guys for always reading my ramblings. One year down, many more to go!
CHEERS,
I
(Source)
So, how do we celebrate this big day? Hehe. I decided (long ago) to list the ten most viewed posts on my blog in the past year. Although, thinking about it now, since they were the most viewed, do I still need to put them below? Shouldn't I just list the least viewed? I'll probably do that at a later time. But for now, the posts that got—and are still getting— the most buzz. Here goes;
1) MY HUSBAND IS NOT MY SOULMATE This was not originally written by me. I got it off another blog. The idea behind the post is something I had always strongly agreed with so I thought to share it. I would later realize that many people were quite fascinated by the topic and discussion. Oh well.
2) DID GOD REALLY SAY THAT TO YOU...OR DID YOU SAY THAT TO YOURSELF? Lol, this is just about three or two weeks old. I guess the title spoke for itself.
3) MY ANGER JOURNEY Honestly, the idea to blog about this thing came very randomly. It was a challenge or maybe a dare to make it public. I hope I challenged someone else.
4) THIS THING CALLED LEADERSHIP My personal expository on leadership with inspiration from the bible.
5) BATTLE OF THE SEXES AND OF EQUALITY The closest thing to feminism I ever wrote about.
6)SOMETIMES, LIFE IS WHAT IT IS, LIFE. My anti Y.O.L.O campaign. Someone needed to tell some of these young people to get off their high horse and wake up from their slumber to the reality of things. I volunteered to do the telling.
7)YOU WERE MY FAVE, OLU. Yayy, the second fiction on this blog. It was quite convincing though. My friend, Ugo thought I did lose someone. Lol.
8)HOW RIHANNA TAUGHT ME TO SAY NO TO NUDITY Rihanna did not actually inspire the post. No, it was a blogger who got inspiration from nudity that aroused my interest in the topic. Really? Nudity and feminism? Seriously? Ugh.
9)ON LAZY AFRICAN INTELLECTUALS AND NON INTELLECTUALS WHO DETEST THE TRUTH What kind of a title was this anyway? Lol. It was not originally written by me also but I gave it that title. It was an AMAZING post with plenty of truths and wisdom. And the pageviews was just as amazing.
10) SILVER JUBILEE PLUS ONE One of my earliest blogposts in celebration of my parents' wedding anniversary. People love love though. Lol.
Whew. That was not an easy compilation. With this list, I probably would be able to narrow the focus of the blog. So, drinks on me of course, for tonight. Dress code is formal; black. See ya tonight. Lol
Thank you guys for always reading my ramblings. One year down, many more to go!
CHEERS,
I
The Many Faces Of Sexual Assault; Let's Discuss.
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
"I am going to get that girl tonight. Definitely."
Certainty. Pride. Smack lips.
"Hey shawty..."
Walks over. Fills glass. Alcohol.
"It looks like someone needs some more drinks"
More alcohol. Petty conversations. More alcohol. More petty conversation. Intoxicated.
"Why don't we call it a night and head over to my place."
Manipulation.
"um...yea...maybe. I don't know"
Laughter. Drunk. Intoxicated. Judgment impaired.
Sexual assault comes in various forms. While the definition of sexual assault varies widely between different jurisdictions—especially legally—it is common knowledge that the basis of sexual assault is engaging in an UNWANTED sexual act. The key word is unwanted. Also, there are variances of the term 'sexual act'. When you dig further and deeper, you would realize, especially with statistics that many people have been sexually assaulted or at least sexually harassed and they probably didn't even realize. In a recent mandatory sexual assault online course I took, I learnt some statistics and figures; I would share them in this post and further explain preventive measures that can be taken.
According to the aforementioned course, alcohol is the leading course of sexual assault especially in the United States. Among other things, alcohol impairs people's judgments. Sometimes, both the prey and the predators' are victims of alcohol intoxication. I was both devastated and flabbergasted when I found out that 1 in 5 American female students report that they have either been raped or almost raped. What was even worse was that, 90% of these victims were assaulted by people they KNOW. That means that while that creepy person you suspect may be following you is dangerous, you are more likely to be assaulted by someone you are very familiar with. This person may come in form of an ex-partner, a current partner, a casual friend, a very good friend or sometimes family. Yes, family! We also should never assume women are the only victims of sexual assault. 1 in 33 men are sexually assaulted at one time or the other. Now that we have established the stats and figures, let's go further to study how it can be prevented.
(source)
Let's assume the introductory conversation did happen. First and foremost since it was in a public place (which is where many assaults start from anyway), the people around witnessing this should not just stand and keep mum. Yes, at that stage, nothing concrete had happened. But since the girl in question was obviously drunk, people around could try to distract the guy or in fact tell him directly that the girl was in no condition to really say if she wanted to follow him home. I think that men and women need to know that except a person gives a VERBAL consent, they do not want to have sex. Don't infer from body language or mood or facial expression, the only thing permissible is a verbal acknowledgement where the person says 'yes'. Now, assuming the said person says a yes at the beginning, the person has a right to call it off and withdraw their consent at any moment otherwise, that also qualifies as a sexual assault. Since we know many predators take advantage of intoxicated people, it is our responsibility to either drink very responsibly, not drink at all or have someone you trust with you who is not drinking. Personally, I think you should forget the last option because trust is very relative and talking about who to trust is another blogpost on its own. Bottom line, party responsibly or don't party at all.
(source)
Unfortunately, another very common aspect of sexual assault is threat. For instance, if a superior colleague at work or a teacher asks for sexual favors and threatens you when you refuse the advances, that is a classic example of sexual assault. Assuming the victim goes ahead to have sexual relations with this superior, since the victim was coerced, I believe it was still a case of sexual assault. The predator gave conditions and threats as a repercussion for refusing, so it was a sexual assault and can be reported. I would say you could say no but knowing what I do about some Nigerian lectu... *ahem* What were we saying? Okay sexual assault. Do not let anyone manipulate you please, try as hard as possible to not let anybody in a supposed higher position take advantage of you. I think a really unfortunate type (and they all are) would be the one between partners—people who are together. According to research, this type mostly starts from emotional abuse to verbal to physical and then to sexual abuse. We all know that friend whose boyfriend just yells at them for the silliest reason. Or the one that is obsessive and would not let their partner breathe or talk to any other person. Na so e dey start*. The minute your partner starts raping you, let's not merry go round here, just pick up yourself and leave. Full-stop. Get help if you have to but make sure you leave.
(source)
Now those exes, casual friends and buddies; It's hard to sometimes see this type coming but I guess it means we have to be very cautious and self aware. I have a LOT to say about these 'ex' people, but I am struggling hard to not digress here and to focus on the one thing I am blogging about. Like I said, it is very unfortunate that many of these situations cannot be helped especially with supposed friends and maybe even strangers. But if you do happen to find yourself in such situations, you have all the power to stop it. I blogged about a real live story HERE; how the lady survived almost being raped. Unfortunately again, and this is really sad but there are still victims. Sometimes, it just happens in ways no one could have expected or overcome. And if you are in this category, I am sorry. Extremely sorry. There are things one can do after being sexually assaulted but know that it is up to you to decide. Whatever you decide is fine. You can immediately go to a hospital, first for your own safety, health-wise and also because getting a rape kit can help to preserve evidence should you decide to report to the police. Most times, it is advised that you report because in most cases, that helps to stop the predator from doing the same damage to other people. However, assuming you don't want to report, that is fine too. You may also call counselling centers that offer help to victims. Or perhaps, you are fine with talking to a trusted friend or family. Whatever works. What is most important is that you try to heal both physically and emotionally. And you will, eventually.
Stalking is quite an important factor in all forms of assault. Unfortunately, stalking has never been easier than it is now. According to the course, Technology is a primary tool used by stalkers. Hello Twitter. Hello Facebook. Hello Instagram. Of course there is harmless stalking on social network but there are also harmful ones. Personally, I am learning the act of being discreet, not because of assault now but because I just hate to satisfy the curiosity of nosy people. Lol. But seriously, I toy with my Twitter and FB but Instagram, sigh. I love and hate that site. Pictures make everything so LIVE! Hence, my account is private. I can't shout. Lol. Seriously though, don't go about tweeting your every movement or tweeting about how you live alone. Only do these, if you have absolute control over your Twitter followers. It's a scary world out there guys. You can't ever be too careful. Oh and parents, PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN. Pedophiles are very despicable and they are everywhere. That innocent aunt and uncle... Uhunnn (in Wendy's voice). If your child tells you something, don't just brush it off. Believe the child and take it up. Step on toes if you have to, but protect that child.
So how can we stop this scourge from the corners of our homes? Educate people. Enlighten people. Tweet about it, blog about it, update your Facebook status. Let these predators know they are being watched and people are being more guarded. Spread the word. One word at a time.
Love,
I
*That's how it usually starts.
Certainty. Pride. Smack lips.
"Hey shawty..."
Walks over. Fills glass. Alcohol.
"It looks like someone needs some more drinks"
"Why don't we call it a night and head over to my place."
Manipulation.
"um...yea...maybe. I don't know"
Laughter. Drunk. Intoxicated. Judgment impaired.
Sexual assault comes in various forms. While the definition of sexual assault varies widely between different jurisdictions—especially legally—it is common knowledge that the basis of sexual assault is engaging in an UNWANTED sexual act. The key word is unwanted. Also, there are variances of the term 'sexual act'. When you dig further and deeper, you would realize, especially with statistics that many people have been sexually assaulted or at least sexually harassed and they probably didn't even realize. In a recent mandatory sexual assault online course I took, I learnt some statistics and figures; I would share them in this post and further explain preventive measures that can be taken.
According to the aforementioned course, alcohol is the leading course of sexual assault especially in the United States. Among other things, alcohol impairs people's judgments. Sometimes, both the prey and the predators' are victims of alcohol intoxication. I was both devastated and flabbergasted when I found out that 1 in 5 American female students report that they have either been raped or almost raped. What was even worse was that, 90% of these victims were assaulted by people they KNOW. That means that while that creepy person you suspect may be following you is dangerous, you are more likely to be assaulted by someone you are very familiar with. This person may come in form of an ex-partner, a current partner, a casual friend, a very good friend or sometimes family. Yes, family! We also should never assume women are the only victims of sexual assault. 1 in 33 men are sexually assaulted at one time or the other. Now that we have established the stats and figures, let's go further to study how it can be prevented.
(source)
Let's assume the introductory conversation did happen. First and foremost since it was in a public place (which is where many assaults start from anyway), the people around witnessing this should not just stand and keep mum. Yes, at that stage, nothing concrete had happened. But since the girl in question was obviously drunk, people around could try to distract the guy or in fact tell him directly that the girl was in no condition to really say if she wanted to follow him home. I think that men and women need to know that except a person gives a VERBAL consent, they do not want to have sex. Don't infer from body language or mood or facial expression, the only thing permissible is a verbal acknowledgement where the person says 'yes'. Now, assuming the said person says a yes at the beginning, the person has a right to call it off and withdraw their consent at any moment otherwise, that also qualifies as a sexual assault. Since we know many predators take advantage of intoxicated people, it is our responsibility to either drink very responsibly, not drink at all or have someone you trust with you who is not drinking. Personally, I think you should forget the last option because trust is very relative and talking about who to trust is another blogpost on its own. Bottom line, party responsibly or don't party at all.
(source)
Unfortunately, another very common aspect of sexual assault is threat. For instance, if a superior colleague at work or a teacher asks for sexual favors and threatens you when you refuse the advances, that is a classic example of sexual assault. Assuming the victim goes ahead to have sexual relations with this superior, since the victim was coerced, I believe it was still a case of sexual assault. The predator gave conditions and threats as a repercussion for refusing, so it was a sexual assault and can be reported. I would say you could say no but knowing what I do about some Nigerian lectu... *ahem* What were we saying? Okay sexual assault. Do not let anyone manipulate you please, try as hard as possible to not let anybody in a supposed higher position take advantage of you. I think a really unfortunate type (and they all are) would be the one between partners—people who are together. According to research, this type mostly starts from emotional abuse to verbal to physical and then to sexual abuse. We all know that friend whose boyfriend just yells at them for the silliest reason. Or the one that is obsessive and would not let their partner breathe or talk to any other person. Na so e dey start*. The minute your partner starts raping you, let's not merry go round here, just pick up yourself and leave. Full-stop. Get help if you have to but make sure you leave.
(source)
Now those exes, casual friends and buddies; It's hard to sometimes see this type coming but I guess it means we have to be very cautious and self aware. I have a LOT to say about these 'ex' people, but I am struggling hard to not digress here and to focus on the one thing I am blogging about. Like I said, it is very unfortunate that many of these situations cannot be helped especially with supposed friends and maybe even strangers. But if you do happen to find yourself in such situations, you have all the power to stop it. I blogged about a real live story HERE; how the lady survived almost being raped. Unfortunately again, and this is really sad but there are still victims. Sometimes, it just happens in ways no one could have expected or overcome. And if you are in this category, I am sorry. Extremely sorry. There are things one can do after being sexually assaulted but know that it is up to you to decide. Whatever you decide is fine. You can immediately go to a hospital, first for your own safety, health-wise and also because getting a rape kit can help to preserve evidence should you decide to report to the police. Most times, it is advised that you report because in most cases, that helps to stop the predator from doing the same damage to other people. However, assuming you don't want to report, that is fine too. You may also call counselling centers that offer help to victims. Or perhaps, you are fine with talking to a trusted friend or family. Whatever works. What is most important is that you try to heal both physically and emotionally. And you will, eventually.
Stalking is quite an important factor in all forms of assault. Unfortunately, stalking has never been easier than it is now. According to the course, Technology is a primary tool used by stalkers. Hello Twitter. Hello Facebook. Hello Instagram. Of course there is harmless stalking on social network but there are also harmful ones. Personally, I am learning the act of being discreet, not because of assault now but because I just hate to satisfy the curiosity of nosy people. Lol. But seriously, I toy with my Twitter and FB but Instagram, sigh. I love and hate that site. Pictures make everything so LIVE! Hence, my account is private. I can't shout. Lol. Seriously though, don't go about tweeting your every movement or tweeting about how you live alone. Only do these, if you have absolute control over your Twitter followers. It's a scary world out there guys. You can't ever be too careful. Oh and parents, PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN. Pedophiles are very despicable and they are everywhere. That innocent aunt and uncle... Uhunnn (in Wendy's voice). If your child tells you something, don't just brush it off. Believe the child and take it up. Step on toes if you have to, but protect that child.
So how can we stop this scourge from the corners of our homes? Educate people. Enlighten people. Tweet about it, blog about it, update your Facebook status. Let these predators know they are being watched and people are being more guarded. Spread the word. One word at a time.
Love,
I
*That's how it usually starts.
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