In one of the very old episodes of Grey's Anatomy, there was a stupid patient (believe me, that show has the most stupid patients. It had better not be a mirror of real life). This patient and his moron best friend were reenacting World War11 in their garage, so they built a bazooka. Somewhere along the line, of course it hurt one of them. It wasn't until a paramedic's hand was inside the victim's chest did they realize the bullet wasn't through and through; no exit wound. That meant at any point it could explode and blow them all into into a billion pieces. Panic, evacuation and all the usual expected stuff followed. Bottom-line, there were two people--paramedic and anesthesiologist--left in the O.R at a point, while others were strategizing somewhere else. Most people were evacuated. Some others played heroes and insisted on staying around. Then a conversation ensued between the paramedic and the anesthesiologist.
"Pink Mist." The anesthesiologist said.
"That's what the bomb squads call people who get blown up by bombs. A human being blown up into shreds, reduced to just a fluid, such that finding a finger would even be difficult." He continued, to the dismay of the already shaken 22 year female paramedic.
After which he carefully showed her how to manually release oxygen into the victim, carefully explained the pace at which she should release and hold back carefully. Then he slowly walked out of the room.
"Dr. Milton!" She called out, as soon as she realized he was leaving her alone...with her hand clasped to a bullet in a man's chest.
"I have kids." He said, without any guilt and walked right away.
Friendship: The Three Cs.
Monday, December 22, 2014
I use the word 'friendship' loosely. I was listening to a message on leadership by T.D Jakes on YouTube, where he spoke about certain things pertaining to leadership; character, conflict, and your team. Team being those around you. Hence, my choice of the word friendship. Since we are used to calling everybody our 'friends' anyway. I used to have a habit of saying to people about some other person(s), "He/she is not my friend." Lol. It always used to seem mean. I might be naive in many other things, friendship has never been one of them. I was just built, or rather I grew up knowing not everyone could or would be my friend. It is just not humanly possible for me. Shrug. Okay, so according to T.D Jakes, the three categories below, which I termed, 'The Three Cs' are all members of your team, or perhaps a method to select your team.
(source)
Confidantes: "A person with whom one shares a secret or private matter, trusting them not to repeat it to others."- Google. These kinds of people are few, of course. We all need at least one of such people in our lives. With these people, you are comfortable in your own skin, to be who you want to be. You can tell them anything, and be sure it will be safe with them. They are with you when you fall, when you rise, when you are stuck. No matter what, a confidante is there. T.D Jakes said if you have only three of such people in a lifetime, you have done incredibly well. That is to say, they are scarce. You know how you sometimes have people around visiting, and you start to get uncomfortable, such that after a while, you just want them to leave? Well, those are not confidantes. You never get tired of confidantes, and since you can be yourself with them anyway, you don't mind them being around. There is a caveat though.
You see, you have to feed these confidantes. Not with money, or food or material stuff, but with yourself. Yes, you. Confidantes are not around for your 'cause', whatever that may be. They are around for you. Sure, they believe in that cause, but they mostly do because of you. So, if after a while, you start to become unavailable to them, they begin to fade. As with every plant, and living being they need to be fed: with your time, yourself, your presence, you. If you become so busy that you have no time for them, you realize that they may gradually begin to fade out of your life.
Constituents: Now, this is tricky. The people in your constituents are always there for you too, just like confidantes. They have very similar characteristics, except, they are not there for you, but for your 'cause'. Understand that this word 'cause' is used loosely. Your 'cause' may be anything; from your eventual goal in life, something you strongly believe in, your current aspirations...anything. Remember, leadership was what was being discussed. These categories of people are often mistaken as confidantes, because they do practically everything a confidante would. The problem is that they are there for the cause. So, if they are offered a faster route elsewhere, they would take that option and leave you. You start to think you were betrayed, but you really weren't. You just did not recognize that people in your constituents were not your 'friends', they were never there for you, they were there for what they could benefit. On the other hand, if a confidante if offered a 'faster route' or a 'better alternative' to you, confidantes don't leave. They stay.
Comrades: Aha. These ones are neither there for you, nor are they with you for your cause. The reason you have these people around is because they are there for what you are against. This is a typical example of 'my enemy's enemy is my friend.' They are fighters. They are probably so frustrated by what you are fighting against, that they will do anything to get rid of it, including team up with you. T.D jakes used the example of the Pharisees and the Sadducees. Both groups of people were certainly not friends, but when it came to antagonizing Jesus, they teamed up really well. Unfortunately, we may think these people are our 'friends' or that they love us, and then we make the dire mistake of confiding in them. When these people leave, because they sure as hell would leave, they can turn back and use the private information we gave them against us. Remember, they are fighters. That's pretty much all they know how to do, fight.
Knowing what category each person belongs helps a great deal. A lot of times when we thought we were heartbroken because of a 'friend', it wasn't that we were betrayed, we really just did not understand these people's purpose in our lives. Not everyone is here to stay. Knowing this helps you wade through life even better. Such that even after they leave or do what they know how to do best, hurt you, you are still very cool with them, because you have a perfect understanding of things. You can't be a great leader if everything everybody does hurts you and brings you down. In recent times, I have learnt more than ever the power of emotional strength. Oh, and please for your sake and the sake of your sanity, not everybody you get along with is your friend. Get that into your thick skull, ok? Do that, and watch drama exit your life. Lol.
Confidantes: "A person with whom one shares a secret or private matter, trusting them not to repeat it to others."- Google. These kinds of people are few, of course. We all need at least one of such people in our lives. With these people, you are comfortable in your own skin, to be who you want to be. You can tell them anything, and be sure it will be safe with them. They are with you when you fall, when you rise, when you are stuck. No matter what, a confidante is there. T.D Jakes said if you have only three of such people in a lifetime, you have done incredibly well. That is to say, they are scarce. You know how you sometimes have people around visiting, and you start to get uncomfortable, such that after a while, you just want them to leave? Well, those are not confidantes. You never get tired of confidantes, and since you can be yourself with them anyway, you don't mind them being around. There is a caveat though.
You see, you have to feed these confidantes. Not with money, or food or material stuff, but with yourself. Yes, you. Confidantes are not around for your 'cause', whatever that may be. They are around for you. Sure, they believe in that cause, but they mostly do because of you. So, if after a while, you start to become unavailable to them, they begin to fade. As with every plant, and living being they need to be fed: with your time, yourself, your presence, you. If you become so busy that you have no time for them, you realize that they may gradually begin to fade out of your life.
Constituents: Now, this is tricky. The people in your constituents are always there for you too, just like confidantes. They have very similar characteristics, except, they are not there for you, but for your 'cause'. Understand that this word 'cause' is used loosely. Your 'cause' may be anything; from your eventual goal in life, something you strongly believe in, your current aspirations...anything. Remember, leadership was what was being discussed. These categories of people are often mistaken as confidantes, because they do practically everything a confidante would. The problem is that they are there for the cause. So, if they are offered a faster route elsewhere, they would take that option and leave you. You start to think you were betrayed, but you really weren't. You just did not recognize that people in your constituents were not your 'friends', they were never there for you, they were there for what they could benefit. On the other hand, if a confidante if offered a 'faster route' or a 'better alternative' to you, confidantes don't leave. They stay.
Comrades: Aha. These ones are neither there for you, nor are they with you for your cause. The reason you have these people around is because they are there for what you are against. This is a typical example of 'my enemy's enemy is my friend.' They are fighters. They are probably so frustrated by what you are fighting against, that they will do anything to get rid of it, including team up with you. T.D jakes used the example of the Pharisees and the Sadducees. Both groups of people were certainly not friends, but when it came to antagonizing Jesus, they teamed up really well. Unfortunately, we may think these people are our 'friends' or that they love us, and then we make the dire mistake of confiding in them. When these people leave, because they sure as hell would leave, they can turn back and use the private information we gave them against us. Remember, they are fighters. That's pretty much all they know how to do, fight.
Knowing what category each person belongs helps a great deal. A lot of times when we thought we were heartbroken because of a 'friend', it wasn't that we were betrayed, we really just did not understand these people's purpose in our lives. Not everyone is here to stay. Knowing this helps you wade through life even better. Such that even after they leave or do what they know how to do best, hurt you, you are still very cool with them, because you have a perfect understanding of things. You can't be a great leader if everything everybody does hurts you and brings you down. In recent times, I have learnt more than ever the power of emotional strength. Oh, and please for your sake and the sake of your sanity, not everybody you get along with is your friend. Get that into your thick skull, ok? Do that, and watch drama exit your life. Lol.
"For survival sake, you have to be able to handle people leaving." - T.D Jakes.
Love,
I
Maturity
Wednesday, December 17, 2014
"No discipline is enjoyable while it's happening—it’s
painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained this way."- Hebrews 12:11
Something happened to me, which I think was pretty weird. I was reading a chapter in the book of Daniel. It's been a while, so I can't even remember what part of it. Anyway, the point of that chapter was a prophecy from God to Daniel. God was going to punish the Israelites with certain disasters and hardship for a stipulated amount of time, I think about 2,175 days. And then, I was happy which is the weird part. No, not because of the punishment but because it was an assurance to me that evil days are numbered. I felt relieved for them. At least there was an end date. There's a certain confidence that comes from knowing bad times are not here to stay. If you are writing an exam, for instance. No matter how tedious and hard the exam may be, there's a comfort that comes when you think about the last day of the exam. "Soon." We say, "It will all be over." Perhaps we could approach life's challenges with that philosophy too. "Soon it will be over."
There is a stipulated time for it to end, that stuff you're passing through. So, I think I have matured when instead of a silent anger or 'attitude' when I go through stuff, I smile and remind myself this too will pass. Maturity is when instead of grumbling at every little problem--I use the word 'little' very loosely--you take your time to learn what that problem is there to teach you. Maybe there's no lesson in that problem, but instead of panicking at every problem scare, just chill. Be still, and know he is God. I am not really sure there is a lesson in every problem or that everything happens for a reason. I think that's just crap people say to make you feel better. But that's story for another day.
The point is that knowing there is an end to whatever you are going through is a comforting way to get through the problem. And there always is an end to everything. Remember that.
I used to have a picture on my old phone, it said, "In the end, everything will be okay. If it is not okay, it is not the end." Perfect.
Love,
I
Last Day...
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
...not of the year. Lol. But of my internship. How is it already four months?! Anyway, I am thankful. What did I learn? Well, for one it is absolutely great to try out different things. At least you know which works for you and which doesn't. I know for sure now that I have, I am, and will probably always be uninterested in the finance world. Sitting behind a computer, and manipulating excel-sheets is boring as hell. Lord have mercy. How do bankers and people in that field cope? Arghh. I also know I am still very interested in research. Of course, writing is kinda like le first love. So I was cool with that. I also know working on/with social media isn't half bad. Yeah, I did all of that and more. Lol. Cool times.
I will miss the delicious cappuccino. Yum. The only reason I even took coffee on cold mornings was because we had a Keurig machine at work. I don't know if I'll still take as much coffee after I leave. Did I make friends? NO. Surprise surprise...not. I did have an amazing supervisor. She was just really kind to me. Apart from the brief NYSC stint I did back in Nigeria (Mshewww), I have been blessed with very kind bosses so far. I had really annoying bosses in the school where I was supposed to be teaching voluntarily in Nigeria, smh. Anyway, thank God for the favor he continually bestows on me.
Another phase is over. As this year comes to an end, several phases in my life also are coming to end. But that's great because I am trusting God for much more better things to come.
For everything that has a beginning, there is an end.
Blessed is the end of a thing, that the beginning thereof.
Wait, 'everything'? Marriage too? Lol. Just Kidding.
Love,
I
I will miss the delicious cappuccino. Yum. The only reason I even took coffee on cold mornings was because we had a Keurig machine at work. I don't know if I'll still take as much coffee after I leave. Did I make friends? NO. Surprise surprise...not. I did have an amazing supervisor. She was just really kind to me. Apart from the brief NYSC stint I did back in Nigeria (Mshewww), I have been blessed with very kind bosses so far. I had really annoying bosses in the school where I was supposed to be teaching voluntarily in Nigeria, smh. Anyway, thank God for the favor he continually bestows on me.
 |
| My favorite thing on my desk. |
Another phase is over. As this year comes to an end, several phases in my life also are coming to end. But that's great because I am trusting God for much more better things to come.
For everything that has a beginning, there is an end.
Blessed is the end of a thing, that the beginning thereof.
Wait, 'everything'? Marriage too? Lol. Just Kidding.
Love,
I
On Suicide and Depression
Tuesday, December 9, 2014
I stumbled on a Nigerian girl's blog recently. I was reading her posts, and was really intrigued by her personality. I thought she was eccentric, especially for a Nigerian her age (late twenties). Then I found out she was a lesbian. Okay. And then I read a post where she talked about being attracted to her friend's Mom. She described an incidence that involved the woman and herself, and she mentioned the sexual tension that existed. In details too. I felt my food in my mouth. Yeah, I think I gagged. I mean, her friend's Mom! People were really excited in the comments section though, talking about 'give us more' 'how could you stop there now' 'omg suspense' 'tell us what happened jor'. So maybe I am just different. But common, your friend's mother? Fine, to each his own.
Anyway, to more important issues on her blog. She had mentioned that she dealt with depression and suicidal thoughts in the past. Now that she was over that, she told her parents about it, just to see their reaction plus to foster communication (I guess). Their reply blew even me off. She said they were silent on it at first for the first few days, and then much later said something like "Be copying everything in America oh" I paraphrased that. Typical Naija parents? Lol. Of which people commented that they weren't surprised at her parents' reaction, since that's how Nigerians behave anyway. AH I was surprised as hell.
I have typical Naija parents too. The usual disciplined, strict type. However, God forbid I ever have severe depression, and I told them. I am not sure they will just wave it off as something petty. Now, forget depression, GOD FORBID I ever became suicidal, and I told them. AH, I know for sure, it will be a pretty big deal. Suicide is such a big deal, and it's so sad many Nigerians don't yet see it as that, a big deal. Some of the most seemingly happy persons have gone on to kill themselves. Unfortunately, we feel "Nigerians love life too much to end it themselves." I hear you, but these things still happen. Thankfully, the above lady is doing great now. She saw a therapist...she's doing much better anyway.
Maybe I don't even know what I'm talking about, and perhaps my parents are really that 'typical' Lol. Unfortunately, there WILL NEVER be a way to find out. Because see, even if I just asked them to see their reaction, and later explained I was joking...the parents me I know will be too frantic to even hear the 'I was joking' part. LOL. Especially my Mom. Nah uh. I love them too much to give them a heart attack. Suici gini?
I just wished it wasn't something seen as trivial. I understand the sexual orientation of the above lady contributed to her parents' reaction. They must have thought, first, that and then now, this. Lol. Also granted, in Nigeria life is structured in a way that doesn't really allow for suicide. I mean even a really poor person probably lives in a face me I face you*. With all that goes on in a face me I face you, how will a person still end up depressed? lol. You have neighbors, family, friends etc so I agree depression is probably hard to come by. However, it still happens albeit rarely.
Let me tell you someone that can help though, Jesus! See, you don't even need health insurance with Jesus, like you will with a therapist. Lol. Seriously though, just go online and search for messages by pastors, or read the bible yourself. Listening to, reading about God's promises, and the assurance of his love are really uplifting. I promise :-)
Love,
I
P.S: Notice how I have been on a roll recently, churning out posts upon posts. Hehe. That's because I don't bother planning what to write, I just do it. Yes, just do it! Whatever 'it' is.
*Face-me-i-face-you is a form of Nigerian architecture where a group of one bedroom flats have their entrances facing each other to form a compound with a main entrance leading into a square in the middle.- Wikipedia
Anyway, to more important issues on her blog. She had mentioned that she dealt with depression and suicidal thoughts in the past. Now that she was over that, she told her parents about it, just to see their reaction plus to foster communication (I guess). Their reply blew even me off. She said they were silent on it at first for the first few days, and then much later said something like "Be copying everything in America oh" I paraphrased that. Typical Naija parents? Lol. Of which people commented that they weren't surprised at her parents' reaction, since that's how Nigerians behave anyway. AH I was surprised as hell.
I have typical Naija parents too. The usual disciplined, strict type. However, God forbid I ever have severe depression, and I told them. I am not sure they will just wave it off as something petty. Now, forget depression, GOD FORBID I ever became suicidal, and I told them. AH, I know for sure, it will be a pretty big deal. Suicide is such a big deal, and it's so sad many Nigerians don't yet see it as that, a big deal. Some of the most seemingly happy persons have gone on to kill themselves. Unfortunately, we feel "Nigerians love life too much to end it themselves." I hear you, but these things still happen. Thankfully, the above lady is doing great now. She saw a therapist...she's doing much better anyway.
Maybe I don't even know what I'm talking about, and perhaps my parents are really that 'typical' Lol. Unfortunately, there WILL NEVER be a way to find out. Because see, even if I just asked them to see their reaction, and later explained I was joking...the parents me I know will be too frantic to even hear the 'I was joking' part. LOL. Especially my Mom. Nah uh. I love them too much to give them a heart attack. Suici gini?
I just wished it wasn't something seen as trivial. I understand the sexual orientation of the above lady contributed to her parents' reaction. They must have thought, first, that and then now, this. Lol. Also granted, in Nigeria life is structured in a way that doesn't really allow for suicide. I mean even a really poor person probably lives in a face me I face you*. With all that goes on in a face me I face you, how will a person still end up depressed? lol. You have neighbors, family, friends etc so I agree depression is probably hard to come by. However, it still happens albeit rarely.
Let me tell you someone that can help though, Jesus! See, you don't even need health insurance with Jesus, like you will with a therapist. Lol. Seriously though, just go online and search for messages by pastors, or read the bible yourself. Listening to, reading about God's promises, and the assurance of his love are really uplifting. I promise :-)
Love,
I
P.S: Notice how I have been on a roll recently, churning out posts upon posts. Hehe. That's because I don't bother planning what to write, I just do it. Yes, just do it! Whatever 'it' is.
*Face-me-i-face-you is a form of Nigerian architecture where a group of one bedroom flats have their entrances facing each other to form a compound with a main entrance leading into a square in the middle.- Wikipedia
P.S; He Hated Her
I was making a mental note on my next post, when something occurred to me. I was going to put a "P.S; insert something here", then I thought to put an extra P.S but this time with "I Love You". You know, like the movie, "P.S; I Love you". Then all of a sudden, memories of that old, romantic movie came flooding into my head. What a horrible movie, I thought. At the time the movie came out, it was the best thing since sliced bread. If you watched that movie without shedding REAL tears--I'm talking about water works-wailing-kinda-tears--you have no heart.
However, in retrospect, what sort of a horrible person was that husband? How can you put someone you love through that painful ordeal. Okay, quick recap for those who don't know the movie.
All the time she could have used to move ahead with her life and heal, she was receiving creepy letters from her already dead husband. Ewww.
However, in retrospect, what sort of a horrible person was that husband? How can you put someone you love through that painful ordeal. Okay, quick recap for those who don't know the movie.
All the time she could have used to move ahead with her life and heal, she was receiving creepy letters from her already dead husband. Ewww.
Sunday Funday: OOTD.
Sunday, December 7, 2014
The thing about having a blog is that you are able to feed your inner narcissism. #Ohwell. On this cold, dreary Sunday night, tired of studying, I remember some old pictures in my inbox from my sister. What do I do with all these pictures? Oh yes, put them on your blog. They are from thanksgiving weekend. So, technically they aren't OOTD right? I am not as fashion savvy as style bloggers, so manage me. By the way, who says style bloggers are fashion savvy? They really just think they are. Okay, let's get to these pictures already. Shall we?
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