Happy Thanksgiving + A Little Chit Chat

I have been seeing many people in Nigeria and everywhere else celebrating Thanksgiving. I have also seen others complain about such people copying traditions from the West. I am not too bogged down (and you shouldn't be too) about people copying an attitude of gratitude. It's Thanksgiving after all. Who does not have a reason to be thankful? So yeah, I get that. However, I really wish that instead of Nigerians copying EVERYTHING, why not cherish and celebrate our own traditions? Such that the whole world knows and recognizes us for these customs and traditions. It wouldn't be so hurtful if Nigeria was not actually a country RICH with beautiful culture and tradition. It is so vast and diverse, you would wonder why Nigerians abandon all of their uniqueness only to copy some other nations'. Speaking of copying, can we also try not copy the bad with the good? Thanks. I am not surprised though. This is a country where people take immense pride in being unable to speak their local languages. Such a confusing phenomenon. We take all the pain to learn  foreign languages like French, Spanish, German, maybe even Chinese (and boy are these languages tough), but we selectively OPT to not understand local languages spoken around us 24/7. I understand that Yoruba, Igbo and co may not give you an edge on the job market, but for the most part, learning these languages is actually painless for the folks in Nigeria.

Take me for example. I grew up speaking English to my parents and siblings (I still speak English to them). I went to a school where our Principals reinforced the importance of Queens English. Pffttt, vernacular was frowned upon anyway. Somehow though, without EVER consciously learning, I can communicate EFFECTIVELY in my local dialect, Yoruba. While I did not speak much of it as a child, I heard it in church; I heard my parents speak it to each other; I heard my aunties and uncles speak it; I heard the local pepper grinder speak it; I heard my mother negotiate in it with the local butcher; and so on and so forth. It was therefore painless and easy. French, on the other hand. Goodness gracious. I have been at it (on and off) for over a year now. Maybe I'll say my name and ask some flimsy question, like where the restaurant is. For the most part, it's been tough. It is therefore really surprising that people in Nigeria would rather the difficult languages than the easy ones. Enough patriotism for the day.

What am I thankful for?

It's an incredibly long list. I am thankful for salvation. That despite my shortcomings, God found it worthy to bestow upon me his AMAZING grace. Can you imagine if it was about us and our handiwork? I saw a picture TD Jakes posted with Don Lemon. Apparently, Don Lemon had gone to his church. Now we all know Don Lemon is gay. Can you believe that people, "Christians" were angry with TD Jakes for letting a "sinner" like Don Lemon into his church. People were like "oh he's gay. How could you Bishop? You even took a PICTURE with him? What is a gay man doing in church?" AHHH. Who the heck do you think you are to say who can or cannot go before God? HA! Who are we Christians and what monsters are we becoming? You really think you are worth it all, huh? That you are the big deal? Ok oooh.

I am also thankful for family. You knew this was coming though. Haha. God has colored my life with the most amazing people, and I can't believe how blessed I am to call them family. I think that my social media accounts must be irritating to people on birthdays of my loved ones, because I don't hesitate to scream their amazing-ness from the rooftops. Haha. So forgive me for being "extra", I just feel an immense sense of gratitude always to know that although life may suck sometimes, I have got the best people to go through life with.

I am thankful for all my friends, tehehe. I love them to pieces. Maybe I don't show it enough to them, but I am glad to have them in my life and to be in theirs.

I am thankful for my life and the entire journey so far, and what is to come. I am thankful for social media, for good people, for brownies, red velvet, and for Haagen Dazs. I am thankful for....look the list is endless. Today might be about gratitude, but it also is about eating and celebrating, which is exactly what I am off to do!

Now, life may not be perfect for you (to tell you the truth, it's perfect for no one) or this thanksgiving is just a reminder of everything that sucks. I'm sorry about that, but I also know only a few things gladden the heart more than counting your blessings.

Have a peaceful, safe, and blessed thanksgiving!

Love,

I

Friday Reflections

1.) Why have the richest Muslim countries not taken in any Syrian refugee?

2.) Charlie Sheen has slept with TWO HUNDRED women post diagnosis. TWO HUNDRED!

3.) You guys are taking the sexual liberation thing a little too far.

4.) Oh Vera, I loved her post on why she and her husband, Igwe decided to have a baby.

5.) How CNN is able to flog ONE issue for several hours is beyond me. Goodness gracious, every night since the Paris attack, that's all they talk about; for long stretch of hours.

6.)Well, at least I get two hours of the Don Lemon Tonight show. hehe. Love the dude and his work ethics.

7.) Look, do not let these bloody-gutless-cowards aka terrorists fool you into fear or submission. Mark Zuckerberg, in a post the other day mentioned how despite all the crazy things going on in the world, we are really at our safest at any point in history.

8.) Yup! Lowest murders, terrors etc.

9.) Meanwhile, Zuckerberg and his wife...each time I log on to Facebook, I feel like they're giving away another 50 million DOLLARS. I just keep wondering how much they have left lol if they keep giving it all away. Then I remember Luke 6:38.

10.) “He who deliberates fully before taking a step will spend his entire life on one leg.” --A Chinese proverb I learnt from Vera's blog.

11.) I LOVE the Internet. woohoooo *screaming from the rooftops*

12.)  Yesterday, I learnt an important distinction between "calling" and "purpose".

13.) Although I have a lot of stuff to work on, I'm ignoring them ALL tonight and just taking a break to catch up on all the missed episodes of my shows. Should be fun :-))))

14.) Why is everyone so angry about Shonda Rhimes not wanting to get married? It's her choice. If you want to marry, go ahead. If you don't, good for you too.

15.) Some folks just want to feel validated because they got married. Okay boo, your choices are valid too.

16) Whenever you want to lose hope in humanity, just visit the comment section of a HONY post. No other place or situation have I seen people share in the joys and pains of complete strangers. Let that be a reminder that for the most part, there are good people in this world. Brandon Stanton; changing the world...one picture at a time :-)

Sunday Funday

Bringing some cheer and good vibes your way, especially with everything going on around the world. May the souls of everyone we have lost to terrorism and insurgency rest in perfect peace.

later that night
I held an atlas in my lap
ran my fingers across the
whole world
and whispered
where does it hurt?

it answered
everywhere
everywhere
everywhere.
–Warsan Shire

Love,
I

Friday Reflections: #PrayforParis

1.) I just read the breaking news on Paris. What is wrong with the world? Does anyone know

2.) My heart is so broken...I can't comprehend how people become so despicable.

3.) Please do NOT judge an entire religion because of a handful of insane people.

4.) Oh yeah, I asked something on Twitter this evening before the crazy attacks: When we hide pregnancies but put the child all over social media, how does it really work? Do witches only harm fetuses and not children?

5.) Someone needs to answer that.

6.) Uncertainties :-(

7.) Well...well, God has got me. And you too :-)

8.) I don't want to get jaded.

For Colored Girls Who Considered Suicide

One night last summer, I was flipping channels at about 11pm because I really did not want to sleep. I stumbled on the movie "Being Mary Jane" and watched all the way till the end. That same night, I went on to complete the entire first season (made after the movie was a success) on Netflix and that was how it became one of the many shows I now watch. Honestly, it was not an absolutely fantastic show. I watched it because I found it very intriguing to see another phase of the challenges of colored black women (I don't like the term "colored"). This particular black woman is a very successful cable news anchor whose personal life is messy as hell. Messy doesn't quite cut it: from her distasteful choice in men; to her somewhat dysfunctional family; to just how she lives her life in general. To think that it is indeed the reality of some black women; to be so desperate for love as to beg a man to impregnate you. Shudders. It really is intriguing. For one, the show takes on very important social issues that other shows would not dare: "The Ugly Black Woman" concept; teen pregnancy; affirmative action; fertility among older black women; corporate America and it's messiness; race and racism; and oh the shenanigans of black men.

Anyway, the third season premiered two weeks ago, and it has really picked up. But that's not why we are here. Season two ended with us finding out that Mary Jane's (the main character) bipolar best friend who suffers from depression once had oral sex with Mary Jane's on-and-off boyfriend. Mary Jane accidentally heard this because the said guy butt-dialed her while he and the best friend were talking about it. Madam best friend had gone to his house because she wanted them to confess to Mary Jane. Mary Jane hears this and gets distracted from driving, runs the red light and wound up disfigured in the hospital. Talk about drama. Not only is Mary Jane facing a potential law suit (Her alcohol level was high, although she was not drunk. It didn't help that she had a history of hiding booze at her office), she is also facing the loss of her job. Oh, how do you report the news with a disfigured face? And oh, the lady she hit is also extorting her. Did I hear you say MESSY?

What do you think happened between bestie and Mary Jane? You guessed right. Bestie tried everything to appease to Mary Jane (MJ), but she was having none of it. One night, Mary Jane's brother brought bestie over to her house just so they could talk. Oh did I mention bestie once attempted to take her life in season one? Yeah, bestie is very fragile—emotionally and mentally. I guess that's why the brother just had to interfere. It did not end well that night though, Mary Jane got really mean and said nasty things to her.

Episode 3 of season 3 begins with bestie eating her last supper. Yes, she took her life. It was the most devastating thing ever. Watching it was even physically painful. I was like "how did I get here?" I thought this was just one raggedy, ratchet show that I watched for fun and used to kill time while twisting out my hair or washing it. How has this become so intense? BUT it was a very beautifully written episode. We got to see who bestie really was and how impossible it was for her to live with all that guilt and PAIN. This gentleman described the episode best, when he said:

"The last episode could stand on its own as an exercise in how to handle a show with that many emotions packed into it. It was flawless. It was moving. It was compelling television. It was the moment, to me, where I feel like Being Mary Jane decided to go for it. They decided to take their show to a new level. It's not just a show that's good for BET. It's a good show, period. These folks want to be taken seriously. They made an already good show one that looks like they're hoping for some recognition."

Bestie's life was really a culmination of  "loneliness, isolation and pain that she'd endured through her life." We would find out that bestie was sexually abused by her stepdad from age 9 to 16; she travelled to Kenya to find herself; she volunteered as a mentor at Boys and Girls club; she was Buddhist, Methodist, Catholic, AME (she was open to all religions); and in the words of Mary Jane, "she literally brought life into the world." She was a successful gynecologist, she had a brilliant career, and what on the surface might have looked like the ideal life. Deep down however, she was a wreck.

I love especially how Kara (second bestie) was educating the others and by extension the viewers on suicide. I also love how drama queen, MJ's Mom thought they were to blame for bestie's suicide, because really that's what anyone would have thought: that they were responsible for the death because of how they all treated her in the aftermath of her betrayal of MJ. The truth though is, bestie was sick and that's just it. Unfortunate, but the reality of things. It was really nobody's fault. It was painful to watch though; seeing her eat the last meal; just watching the whole suicide thing play out was excruciatingly painful and emotionally grueling. For a second, I thought what if while eating that meal and before staring at her naked self and gulping down all that wine and pills, she just reached out to ANYONE at all?

I know I started this post joking, but it really is a serious matter. I don't think MJ has any fault at all. No matter how depressed bestie was, fact is she still HURT her friend and MJ was right to be angry. People have so much pain and hurt in them, sometimes there's only so much anyone can do to help them. Except perhaps to just be there. If you're the one hurting, please ask for help and receive it when people offer. You can never do it alone. No one can or should. So for everyone who has ever considered suicide, I hope you'll reach out to someone who can listen. I hope you'll find joy again. I hope you'll remember that you're never alone. I hope you find peace. I know that while no one may ever understand you, God does. Who better to talk to anyway, than he who formed you in your mother's womb? Talk to God or have someone help you talk to him.

Remember, in the end, everything WILL be okay.

Also, remember to "Make sure that you tell everyone that you love that you will love them no matter how ugly their truth is. You’ll still love ’em.”

Love,

I

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Won't Stop Talking

I read many phenomenal books within the past few months. One of them is the focus of this post. Mostly because of how personal it is. The book, "Quiet:The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking." was read in my book club last month. Reading it was so eye-opening for me, and honestly quite reassuring. Especially for a textbook introvert like me. Reading this book was very instrumental for me. To be honest, for quite a while I envied gregarious people; those people who never have  a hard time fitting in; they are the lives of any party. With just one sentence, they can have an entire room erupt in a guffaw. And then you have people like me; those of us who live in our heads.

"Why can't I be like that?" "Why can't I fit in or make friends as easily?" I always thought.

I had thought my greatest strengths were my biggest weaknesses. Thank you, Susan Cain.

This book was very explanatory. It mentioned different kinds of introverts (and extroverts) because everyone seems to mix them up. Everyone thinks ALL introverts are shy and timid, and while those may be traits of an introverts, not all introverts are shy and timid.

I have always been very introverted. I was the kids with no friends in the neighborhood, or in church, or even in class. I literally played by myself. I have always had a shell I carry around, and I have watched as the world treated introverts like second class citizens. Not necessarily intentionally. But in a world that subscribes "putting yourself out there"; in a world that prescribes networking for success, it is hard for naturally introverted people. I come alive in my own space, I don't like crowds or loud music...and more surprisingly, I don't really enjoy talking in public (at least not all the time). Surprising, because if someone were to judge me from my social media account or perhaps this blog for instance, such a person would think I was a big talker. The only thing weirder is that my family and close friends might not subscribe to this introvert label I have given myself, because I can be really loud and talkative. But believe me, I am more introverted than extroverted. In Myers-Briggs personality indicator, I repeatedly got INFJ which I have heard is the rarest personality type.

I saw a picture of Facebook's headquarters and their open-desk work style, with everyone in a big space and everyone seeing each other working; no cubicles, or offices, or cover of any sort. My skin was crawling and I shuddered at working at such an environment. But that's the reality. Should I be required to work in such an environment, I would not have a choice. I am just an introvert trying to maneuver an extroverted world. More than half of the jobs out there require you to be assertive, gregarious, loud, fun, a "people's person". Myself and many other introverts on the other hand; we would rather devote all that time and energy to close friends and family, we tend to dislike conflict,  we HATE small talk, and would rather write than talk. For the most part, it's not that I completely dread meetings and parties (sometimes I do), but after a little while I always want to be home under my covers watching my favorite show or reading a good book. I always need to recharge if I have to deal with too many people or events. Cain mentioned examples of famous academics and regular Joes who use bathroom stalls at events or parties to recharge. Guilty. Lol.

While discussing the book at our book club, someone mentioned the part of the book that touched on introverts and sensitivity. She always taught she was weird because of how affected she was by unfortunate happenings. I quickly seconded that she was not alone. I am the person who is downcast because of a problem happening halfway around the world to people I don't know a hoot about. I get bothered even by poignant episodes of my favorite shows, because I convince myself that it happens to people in real life. Susan Cain dealt with all these in her book. She explained some of these idiosyncrasies both scientifically and culturally. She dealt with nature vs nuture and the roles they play in the development of a child. That is, am I introverted because of my amygdala, my frontal cortex or am I introverted because of how I was raised? The book was very eye-opening.

What was most interesting however is that although she praises introverts as thinkers, with a natural prowess of concentration, persistence, insight, and sensitivity, she didn't glorify introverts as the miracle workers of the world. Rather she advocates that we be understood and valued for who we are.  She also does not say to ignore public speaking or socializing or any other thing introverts may find tedious just because. She says to do what we have to do if it is necessary in achieving certain goals we set for ourselves. She recommends getting help if needed, but to never forget our core or treat it as inferior. She also does a great a job of balancing both traits, of explaining that none is superior to the other. So it was not a book solely for introverts, because it launched us into the world of extroverts too albeit in relation to introverts.  Of course, she talked of the blending of both traits perhaps through marriage, friendships, or at work.

In the final chapter, she mentions what I think is my new favorite quote:

"Love is essential; gregariousness is optional"

I don't know that henceforth I will walk around head high, or be boisterous, or even be more outgoing. However, I know now that it is okay to not be outgoing, or gregarious, or "fun to be with"...it is ok to be who I am and who God made me to be.

Susan Cain herself was a  former wall street corporate lawyer who described her time at Wall Street as being in "foreign land". Haha See her TED talk here:

Love,

I

Alex Karev: The Underdog

If you don't know how much I love Grey's Anatomy, you don't know me. Point blank. Not only have I reveled in watching each episode live, I have gone back to re watch old episodes more times than I can admit. It's my feel good show, except half the time you're bawling in tears through the emotional roller coaster my girl Shonda Rhimes puts us through. It is actually an emotionally grueling show: from watching our beloved patients die; to seeing our favorite doctors die in plane crashes; to seeing another doctor literally get hit by a bus; to seeing another (my personal favorite) leave the hospital; and more recently, seeing our very own McDreamy die. The plots are so poignant that the episode after McDreamy's death inspired me to write this post on mourning, which by the way garnered so much attention, I almost started to feel like an impostor. I mean, it was birthed from a fictional story (Ok, and some true life ones too).