On Love, Relationships, Dating, and Marriage: Why You Really Should Never Settle For Less

When you are an unmarried woman in your late twenties, you get a lot of unsolicited advice on love, marriage, and relationships. If we are being honest, if you are an unmarried woman of any age, you do get a lot of unsolicited advice on what's causing you to be so single, as if being single is a disease. When you are an unmarried woman, and if by some misfortune you are an unmarried Nigerian woman who is supposed to be married but isn't, it's a double whammy. This is interesting because a lot of Nigerian marriages are not exactly the most alluring situation that a person should want or desire. I mean, for the most part many of the wives are glorified slaves in makeshift roommate situations they call marriages (through no fault of theirs of course). But I understand that the fastest way to get some modicum of respect in Nigeria is to at least be married. Otherwise, you are not respected in your own house. But also landlords would not allow you rent their houses. People would think you have no "covering", and yes I have heard people tell me that even their friends would preface the simplest stuff with, well you're not married, so you don't understand. Fortunately for me, although I am technically an unmarried Nigerian woman, I don't have to experience most of the above listed things because I have the privilege to also be an unmarried American woman. I don't live in a society that pressures me to get married, and frankly American women are marrying later than usual. It still does not mean that unmarried American women do not get unsolicited advice from people, worrying about why they are sooo unmarried. Let me say that whether or not this concern comes from a good place does not eradicate the fact that asking why someone is so single can come across as  sounding like to be single is to have the plague.

Go out more

Put yourself out there

Your standards are too high

But you never know, he could be the one (said about the most basic guy).

A more polite  bunch of questions I tend to ask my unmarried friends is, how is the dating life? Is marriage something you're interested in? I also make sure to never ever suggest that they just are not doing enough to combat singleness. Yuck.

To marry someone is to be tethered to that person for the rest of your life. Even when you carefully make this decision, the chances of making a wrong one are still incredibly high. Human beings suck. They are unreliable. They are angry. They are badly behaved. They suck. Still a lot of us want to marry. Nay, a lot of us need to marry. We have the unfortunate luck to have been created to desire companionship. It's primal. Beyond that however, many of us need the financial strength that comes from combining your assets (or debt) with someone else's. We need to couple up. That's okay. What is not okay is to lose yourself in the process.

When I was younger, I always wondered how a couple could get divorced even when there had been no infidelity. Now I know better. Now, I know there are so many reasons to decide that you would rather die than remain married to a toxic person. This is why before even getting to the marriage stage, make sure that  no matter the advice people give you, no matter the cajoling, if you do not feel like dating a person or marrying them, do not do it. Even if your wedding is next week, do not do it. Our instincts are powerful. In Lade Tawak's newsletter this week, she mentioned a powerful essay in The Paris Review that inspired this post. The autobiographical essay by a writer and professor tells a story of the events that transpire in the author's life shortly after breaking her engagement. It also gives us a glimpse into what life was like in said relationship. Spoiler alert: it was terrible. When you read that essay, you will first agree that some people are really terrible human beings. But you'll also see how easy it is for you to lose yourself. We always think we are doing too much when we desire what we want. We don't want to hurt people, or offend them. As a woman, it is so easy to give up on standards and values that matter to you. It is so easy to convince yourself that you're overthinking it when in fact this person is treating you like trash: the truth is if you find yourself crying all the time; if you have to wonder if the person you're with loves you; if your boyfriend sleeps with your mutual friend or frankly with anyone other than you, don't be pressured into acting like it's fine so he thinks you're cool, it is not fine.

It's incredibly easy to allow people mold you into what you are not, especially if like me you have strong opinions about life and people living in it. If you are also very unlike me and have no strong opinions about anything, do not let anyone bully you into being what you are not: an opinionated, strong-willed person. Whatever you desire in a life partner is what you should demand. The double whammy of being a woman and an African (or black or person of color etc.), I realize, is that we are always afraid of being too much. Our white counterparts never are. When my Uncle recently asked me why I stopped blogging or why I sort of reduced the intensity of my blog's voice, I said I worried about being too much. I said I didn't want to be that person either among friends or on cyberspace. I didn't want to make people uncomfortable. This is BS.  The same way it is BS to cower or compromise on what you desire in a life partner, like respect, love, honor. In a lot of African homes, women are groomed for men. Maybe not explicitly, but on days you didn't do your chores or maybe didn't do it well, you're told "is that how you will behave when you're in your husband's house?" I know men were never told this. So a lot of what you do can be a result from how you're socially conditioned. If you're too bookish, if you like a good political argument, a tiny part of you starts to wonder if that would discourage a potential husband. If you don't like certain things, you start to wonder how that would seem to the man you are supposed to marry.

If you are unmarried (I am deliberate with using the term unmarried), make a list of the most important values to you. Does he have to share the same religion? Does he have to be diligent in that religion? Is it okay that you are feminist but your romantic partner thinks women don't matter? Is he a card carrying Republican who thinks black people make too much noise about "racial issues" and voted for Trump, but you are a pro-choice liberal feminist who thinks AOC is too moderate? Now that makes for a good storyline in a movie, but you won't work in real life. These shared values, lifestyle, principles are what matters, more than whether he is from a particular country or the color of his or her skin, interestingly. Of course, their background plays into aforementioned factors. And even if a person shares all of the exact values as you do, and looks exceedingly great on paper, but you just either do not find them attractive or perhaps there is just something missing, do not let people around you bully you into dating/marrying them anyway. Listen to counsel sure, but most counsel on marriage is more about getting you coupled up by all means than about a genuine concern for your romantic life.

You can extend these principles to friendships too. My father always says (I can literally start any piece of writing with my father always says or my mother always says because they literally always say haha) a friendship that is not mutual is not friendship. I am reevaluating my own relationships, and while I always struggle with trying to live as Jesus would and trying not to be too selfish,  I have started to create too much allowances for people. Yet people are fairly predictable. If you bend you back, they WILL ride against it. I think my father said that too. So yes, be a little selfish. If someone only calls on you when they need you, sometimes, don't answer them. If you think someone is treating you like trash, they probably are. And they can gaslight you from now till next year, It doesn't change the fact that they are mistreating you. This goes especially for women. Even if you are old and grey, do not let anyone blackmail you: treating you terribly but rewarding you with the promise of marriage to keep you hanging. There are so many men on God's green earth, you will find another.

And never ever be afraid or ashamed to say you desire love. That you need love. That you want love. And don't be afraid to want to be loved a particular way. If you can be loved by the Almighty God in the most glorious way, then you don't deserve mediocre love.

This is a long way to say for something so complicated, relationships can also be fairly straightforward and predictable. You are worthy of a great love, don't settle for less than that.

Love,

I

P.S: I think I'm really, really back to blogging. I say this a lot but I'm ready to take this seriously so watch this space, and follow the blog on Instagram. Lots and lots of contents coming your way :-) Especially long form, life essays like this one (this would be really awkward if you hated this or hate long essays haha but yes, let me know if your style is more short and simple and we can do that too!).

Book of the Month: Trevor Noah's Born a Crime

I like to think that I have read a lot of books in this life. But hands down, my favorite memoir has to be Trevor Noah's Born a Crime. I talk a good game about all the books of the month I write about  here, but I'm very excited about this one. Of course I always knew Trevor Noah as a comedian.  I have watched clips of his show here and there. I even went to the taping of his show in New York and had a great time. I always knew him as a brilliant, articulate, and funny person. I also knew he wrote a book but never really got around to it, and frankly, I don't think I heard so much about it from people. Truth is,  nothing could have prepared me for this book.

Why The U.S. Women's Soccer Team is the Best Sports Team Ever and Why They Deserve Equal Pay

Yaaaass.

The FIFA World Cup Finals was just recently concluded. By recently, I mean less than an hour ago (as of writing this). And yes, the USA won Lol. Of course, I was rooting for them so I am very happy. Apart from my own bias as an American, the team is quite an exceptional one. Ordinarily, that's all fine and dandy. Of course, you should be great at what you do, what's the big deal yada yada. But what makes this win even all the more amazing is that members of the team, especially the great Megan Rapinoe, are quite the political activists. Like their coach said, they are great players, but even better human beings.

The thing is, these women have been fighting for equal pay for a while. The unfortunate irony is that the mediocre men in the U.S. men's team get paid more the women's team despite the blatant superior performance the women always display. This is the fourth time America is winning the World Cup, and the second consecutive win for this team, but the men's team has NEVER won and they don't even play as well. Yet they are paid better than the women. Now, there is in fact an inherent sexist approach to sports. Women's sport generally get less acclaim than the male sports no matter the quality of the actual game. I mean, the men's competition is the "World Cup" but the women's is the "Women's World Cup" as though to imply that the actual and original World Cup is the men's. If they were given the same weight, then the men's World Cup would be called: "Men's World Cup".



People always argue for unequal pay in soccer by saying women's sports get less viewership than men's  and chalk it all up to economics and a sound business model. False. The US men's team do not get as much views as the women's. According to the Wall Street Journal, from 2016 through 2018, the U.S. women's games pulled in $50.8 million in revenue compared with $49.9 million for the men. Not to mention, the same people who complain that women's teams don't get as much viewership are the same folks who refuse to watch. Such people dismiss women's sports simply because women are the ones playing. Such chauvinistic, myopic, and ignorant tropes hurt the quest for gender equality overall,  but also specifically hurts pay equality. The fact that we are still fighting for equal pay in 2019 is heartbreaking and another reason why should all be feminists.



See, I always say if you are going to fight, you better be excellent. This team has reinforced that idea for me. They have embodied the idea that sometimes [because we live in an unfair world], you have to demand what you have earned; what you deserve. You can't just take what's handed to you, you gotta get up, and you gotta PUSH back. They refused to accept defeat. And even in this final game, after they had scored twice, they refused to relax, they kept working hard. That's the spirit. In that, I saw diligence and relentlessness (is this even a word?). They are not just asking for more for the sake of it (although even that is not always wrong), but these girls armed themselves with preparation and excellence. They knew their shit.

And that's exactly how you fight. That's how you respond to critics. They have faced so much criticisms. First, it was that they celebrated too hard after beating Thailand, 13-1. Then it was that they are arrogant. Then it was HOW Alex Morgan celebrated after a historic goal against England when she mimed sipping tea. No matter what they did, it was one thing or another. People wanted them to cower, to apologize. But it was as if these girls knew their worth. You have to be extra ballsy to sue your employer before the World Cup.  They knew the burden this placed on them. But in the words of Alex Morgan, "having success gives us the platform to fight for equality". Now, the team is already capitalizing on this success. ESPN has agreed to televise 14 of the league's matches this season; 55 players on the World Cup rosters play in the leagues. Budweiser also announced a multi-year partnership agreement with the NWSL. The equal pay suit is headed for mediation. Ladies and gentlemen, THAT is how you win. 

This World Cup was historic in other ways. According to Time Magazine, in Britain, England's semi-final match against America had 11.7 million viewers, making it the most-watched TV broadcast in Great Britain this year. France's quarterfinal game against the U.S. had 10.7million viewers and was the most watched broadcast of the year in France too. In Brazil, 35.2 million people watch and that was the highest ever audience for a women's world cup game. 

These girls don't even deserve equal pay with the mediocre's men's team, they deserve MORE. And let's face it, a team that gets me interested in soccer is one that has earned every single coin. SO PAY them.

"In the last three games of the World Cup, the U.S. faced an ascendant French power on home soil, England, a team that won a tune-up tournament in the United States earlier this year, and in Sunday's final, the  reigning European champion, the Netherlands." - Sean Gregory

The U.S. beat them all.

Now, Megan Rapinoe. That woman is a legend on her own. She is really the one I knew beforehand because all her activism, that has gone beyond fighting for her own identity to protesting injustice against black people. She's a good leader, she's an inspiring person, and if all of that don't mean jack, well, she is exceedingly great at what she does. And I am always here for that. She was awarded the golden boot AND golden ball. From reading more about her and her story (particularly her complicated relationship with her brother whom she shouted out/wished a happy birthday during her post-win interview today), I am learning grit and determination.




It is sooo good to be on the winning team, I tell ya. I am very proud of them, and it's been a lot of fun watching them play and represent us at this tournament. They are the actual world champions. My overall greatest lesson from this is, whatever you do; whatever your hands finds to do, be excellent at it; be great at it;  be best at it.

Love,

I

Busola Dakolo, Biodun Fatoyinbo, and the Role of The Church in Sexual Assault #Churchtoo

I should preface this post with the disclaimer that I am pissed! Normally, I would take some time to reflect on an issue before writing about it, but I deliberately want to write this post while I'm still feeling very angry. So if you are Nigerian or somehow you have found your way to Nigerian Twitter then you must have heard of Busola Dakolo who bravely and courageously shared her story earlier yesterday. What is this story, you ask? She gave an exclusive interview detailing her alleged raped by COZA's Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo. She alleges in painstaking detail how Fatoyinbo found his way into her life, groomed her, and when the time was right walked right into her house and raped her. She was only about 17. There is a lot to dissect on this issue, mostly because this is a problem that is a symptom of a much larger problem we are facing today. Generally speaking, the Church as an institution has been notorious for protecting rapists and other predators. And I am SICK of Christians turning a blind eye to this. I am also sick of pastors and the likes being conspicuously silent on the issue of rape and sexual abuse in the Church. Most of all, I am sick of enablers who continue to worship these so-called men of God who are predators.



Let's start with this specific case. Ordinarily, any allegation of rape or sexual assault is enough to make any sane person angry. But this is far worse. In 2013, Ese Walters, then media personality narrated her ordeal with this man and how he allegedly sexually assaulted her in his hotel; how he took advantage and manipulated her; and worse, how he has done this to a slew of other girls. He went unpunished.  His response was that he would give a "robust response". He never did. For years, whispers have been circulating of how this man used his position and charisma as a "man of God" to lure girls, convince them that he was their "spiritual father", and when they were completely vulnerable, would rape them or sexually assault them in one form or another. The unfortunate part is this man has never once been held accountable. His church has been growing. If anything, he kept on being ostentatious: he would throw fancy yacht parties in Dubai, and he would throw banquets to welcome dignitaries and pastors from America. For lack of a better word, the man is tacky. I have read my Bible enough to know that that kind of greed and excessiveness is not of God. And since by their fruits you shall know them, I knew something had to be up with him and frankly, that specific church. This man is so audacious that when he would finally respond to Busola Dakolo's accusations yesterday, homeboy basically equated himself to the Church. As far as he is concerned, an attack on him is an attack on the church. I can't even. I really can not.

Secondly, churches in Nigeria are too powerful. There is no oversight of any kind, no regulations, so they do what they want and when they want to. Now because Nigerian Christians worship their pastors a little to much, you can see the problem. People, develop your own personal relationship with God. Yes Christ really implored us to find a community of like-minded people to worship with and that will always make it necessary to be a part of a Bible-believing church. But no man is your spiritual leader, your pastor is not your "daddy".  Jesus died and rose on third day, and then left us with the holy spirit for direct access to God. Most of all, we are charged to call out BS in the Church. When Jesus was here in human form, He did not suffer fools gladly at all. Over and over and over again, we see how the Church in the Bible brought issues to the forefront and dealt with it.  Not cover it up and hope that by some magic it disappears.  We need churches [all over the world] to maintain this same energy. When there is evil in the church, call it out and when necessary hand the guilty parties to be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. Protect victims and fight for victims.




If you are privy to atrocities committed by your pastor or by your church, and you don't speak out or if you still go and worship in that church (COZA, in this case), you are complicit. You are not a person I want to know  because light has no business with darkness. And if you stand for evil and injustice, we have nothing to do with each other. My loyalty is not to any man of God or any church. my loyalty is first of all to God. I can wake up and leave my church today. Hell, I have done it before. I don't understand the silence of other Nigerian pastors on this matter. I don't understand how those Instagram pastors whose voice are normally loud and vocal when it's time to say feminists are going to hell fire, I don't understand how and why they are quiet now. I do not understand how those "mommy pastors" and "mommy GOs" who know how to condemn women for wearing short skirts or not being virgins, why can't we hear from them? Anyway, the rest of us will speak up for them.

The part that scares me is the amount of Nigerian parents that have subjected their kids to abuse in the hands of pastors or so called respected people in the society, only for those kids to be sexually assaulted. When they dare speak up, they are accused of one thing or another. I have never really understood what it feels like to suck up to a pastor. I have never even had a personal relationship with any pastor in any church I have attended.  This is largely due to my upbringing. First of all, we went to a church where the pastor could get audited. So accountability is at my core. But second, my parents were never those weirdos who would send their kids to the pastor's house to do chores or some nonsense. Olorun maje.  I want to emphasize that I do not think Busola's parents were like this. In fact, her mom was initially skeptical of the man, so props to them.

But this is a larger issue in Nigeria. Too many Nigerian women have been sexually assaulted and mostly by people they know and people their parents trusted. Women have been sharing their stories since yesterday and it's disheartening. It is also not an exaggeration to assume that about 80% of Nigerian women (in my generation) have been assaulted at one time or another. This is why I always implore men [and women too, of course] to watch how they react when stories like this come out because some of your loved ones who have been victims are watching you to see if you can be trusted to listen when they eventually share their stories.  And I promise you, I am certain you know someone who has been assaulted even if they still cannot share their stories because of fear of stigma or shame. And if someone reading this is one of those people, you still do not have to share your story if you don't want to.  Many people are also wondering why Busola is only just coming out with her story. The Igbos have a saying, whenever you wake up is your morning. This is Busola's morning. I will also say Nigerians are an interesting bunch. How is someone supposed to report rape when your lawyer, your first point of defense is already judging you? We see them on Twitter, we see how they talk about victims. Or when the police is acting as a mediator and begging your parents to just forget about reporting.

Let me make this clear, even if Busola was a full blown prostitute, she did not deserve to be raped. But Busola was a seventeen year old girl whose naiveté was taken advantage of and who was violently raped by a man who told her to be grateful that a man of God raped her. Pause. I need to breathe. Nigeria is an interesting place because there is a faux morality everywhere. So Busola was a perfect victim, if there ever was one. She is married to a successful and famous musician, she is a Christian, a businesswoman: the point is she needed to be perfect before she could be believed. If she was single, or if she smoked and drank, or had piercings and tattoos, well, I guess you can guess what comes next.  So I want to commend Busola's bravery and courage for doing this. Busola, we see you. We stand by you. We support you. Most of all, we believe you. We also need to do better for every person that has been a survivor of rape and sexual assault. You do not need to be perfect to tell your story. For every Busola out there, we need to do better by them.

One more thing. When a Muslim does something bad, y'all start disturbing other Muslims to "denounce" that Muslim. This is nonsense by the way, because when one White man shoots up a school because mommy hurt him as a kid, I don't automatically think of all White men as shooters, neither do I automatically make it the burden of all White men to criticize him. I will make an exception this time around: y'all, DRAG us Christians. Call out the BS and make sure that every Christian you know denounces this man and this act. Because if they don't then they are complicit so CALL THEM OUT. If you are quiet about your pastor’s rape, you are complicit. If he continues to be your pastor, then you’re just weird at that point.

People are asking him to step down from his position, that's his life's problem. I want the law to take effect. I want a world where rapists and sexual assaulters are tried, prosecuted, and sent to jail. I want justice. And I want victims to be protected at all cost. I want a system where people are not raped, but if it does happen I want a system that does not fault the victim for the actions of the perpetrator.

Love, and some justice,

I

Book of the Month: The Sun and Her Flowers

Hayy book of the month, my favorite! I missed it last month and may overcompensate by having two books this month. Let's see. The book featured today is by Rupi Kaur, The Sun and Her Flowers.  It's a collection of poems divided into five chapters: Wilting, Falling, Rooting, Rising, and Blooming. It has themes of love, loss, immigration, motherhood, heartbreak, trauma, equality, sexual assault. Yes, all of it.



Some people might find the book too all over the place, but that's what makes it endearing in my opinion. It's a very emotional book because I think the author really digs deep to write the poems. But isn't that the problem with poetry sometimes? That it can too easily come off as corny or as trying too hard. Honestly though I didn't feel that way with this book.  I think it's smooth and the author is quite talented. Some words jump out to me and I will emphasize them in this post of course. Know that this is also a very, very easy book to read, and you can be done in days even if you're the slowest reader ever. Some of the poems, you gotta pause and think. Many others, you just keep flipping through. I posted a lot of the words on Instagram. Speaking of Instagram, follow the blog(!!). I really have been posting a lot there these days.


Oh I forgot, it has nice drawings that accompany the poems too, which make them really artistic. And I think I'm supposed to warn that some of the content were a little bit too much; too graphic and I would certainly not recommend the book to a minor or frankly, neither would I recommend it to an adult struggling through emotional and mental issues. It requires a LOT of trigger warnings so just be aware of that. The interesting part is I'm told it is with this collection she demonstrates self-love and growth. Apparently, previous collections were even darker so LOL.


The above was definitely one of my favorite poems in the book. I think a lot of people (particularly immigrants from parts of Africa and perhaps Asia) are not raised to be assertive the way our American (ahem white) counterparts were. She raises a very valid point: how can a person verbalize consent as an adult if they were never taught as a child. If a child was always told they had no say; if a child was never allowed to partake in conversations because "adults are talking"; if a child was never allowed to have debates and challenge the positions of the "adults"; how can they be expected to embody any of these skills? They will always view people in authority as demigods. And the facts have it: many immigrants are never able to speak up in class to contribute; they find it hard to negotiate salaries, and are usually less assertive.

Another important theme was immigration.



A third theme I was absolutely in love with was feminism. She tackles matters of equality and womanhood in a way that made you embrace your femininity, yet embrace your power and agency.


In a nutshell, she was very raw, honest, and open, and it certainly made for better poems. Oh also, shout out to my lovely friend R, who gave me this as a birthday gift. Thanks girl!

Love,

I

On the Joy of Really Living

I was going to tweet this—I'm pretty sure I still will (I did eventually tweet this). But here goes for the blog too! It's Sunday morning, and knowing me, I won't hit publish till days later (I was right...exactly two weeks later and I'm only just publishing haha). Anyway, I am in London. I may or may not write an entire post about visiting England and the fun time that was had. Anyway, I'm feeling very introspective (even more than usual). I just read a money diary of 31 year-old dying of cancer. She has just six months to live. I'm thinking dang. She's also handling it very gracefully. I'm pissed about the people telling her to just pray and find God because then the cancer would disappear. Such baloney. Anyway, she's handling it well. She's anxious and worried, like any sane person would be but she's handling it well. Yet it caused somewhat of an unrest in me, you know? I started to think about how many of us are passing through the motions instead of living.



London also means I got to hang with  my amazing cousins. And I was truly  inspired by how creative they are, but not just that. They seem to be pursuing their interests, and they have sooo many: dancing, singing, drawing, designing, acting etc. Even their coursework in school; they don't do stuff because it's what they are supposed to do, they do because they love it. I especially love that. And yes, I found it very inspiring. I'm not naive, so I know not everyone can afford to this this. I know some people just need to survive, and that's fine. You gotta do what you gotta do.


The rest of us though... Me for instance, I have decided to pursue things I'm interested in, and let me tell you they are many. Ha. I have been too laser-focused on ONE thing for like five years now, at the expense of others. And to be honest, I don't even know if it still brings me any joy. For sure, it has taken more than it has given. Look, my sister had to practically beg me to take this trip, and even at that, I barely slept because I would do touristy stuff during the day, and work all night. So yeah. I'm now interested in LIVING. Making memories, taking adventures, loving more, spending even more time with my family (my favorite thing to do in this life LOL), laughing with said family and friends of course, and doing things I love, especially writing for fun and telling stories through writing. Fin.

End of emotional, but necessary rant. I'm not going to lie, I am BLESSED to have the kind of life where I can even afford to do this. Hashtag blessed (you know I never pass up the chance to take a dig at instagram influencers lmao). Seriously though, I don't think I have any regrets at all. I think I have a great life with a good balance of the good and the bad as it should be. But man, I want to experience them not chase the next high of making another deadline or getting another fellowship or passing another hurdle. nah.

Okay for real now, fin!

Love,

I

Friday Reflections

1.) As a Grey's fan, here are nine monologues by Miranda Bailey everyone needs to hear.

2.) Chimamanda's striking essay on Lagos.

3.) Why you will marry the wrong person.

4.) The Showrunner SHONDA RHIMES: First woman to create three hit shows with more than 100 episodes each.

5.) Why you will marry the wrong person. Lol marriage is such a gamble.

6.)  Chimamanda Adichie is such a profound human being. Check out her BRILLIANT commencement speech at Yale and then the one at American University.  No seriously, the one at Yale is really, really good.

7.) Be careful. Your dream job might in fact be  a nightmare.

8.) Three women on what following your dream looks like. ooooh another reason I alway say I don't have a dream job. Look, things are pretty attractive when you are only dreaming about them. The nitty gritty of anything can be very daunting. No matter how sexy or aspirational a thing is, it is still a JOB.

9.) "Follow your passion" is bad advice.

10.) Y'ALL. A white woman with no college degree turned herself to a savior, travelled to Uganda and has been practicing medicine on CHILDREN under the guise of an NGO. The caucasity yooooo. As in, practiced high level medicine on kids (some of whom have in fact died now)...I actually CAN NOT.

11.) Soooo except you're under the rock, you must have heard of the new Netflix series shedding some light on the Central Park jogger case and the five boys who were wrongly charged. Okay, now read this chilling article on the other women whose lives were forever changed because the actual perpetrator in the Central Park case was not arrested on time. The consequences of injustice reverberates, I tell ya.

12.) And goodness, NYC was something in the late 80s/early 90s. It's really hard to be a woman in this world, I say as I double check to make sure my door is securely locked. This world is too insecure.