For Colored Girls Who Considered Suicide

One night last summer, I was flipping channels at about 11pm because I really did not want to sleep. I stumbled on the movie "Being Mary Jane" and watched all the way till the end. That same night, I went on to complete the entire first season (made after the movie was a success) on Netflix and that was how it became one of the many shows I now watch. Honestly, it was not an absolutely fantastic show. I watched it because I found it very intriguing to see another phase of the challenges of colored black women (I don't like the term "colored"). This particular black woman is a very successful cable news anchor whose personal life is messy as hell. Messy doesn't quite cut it: from her distasteful choice in men; to her somewhat dysfunctional family; to just how she lives her life in general. To think that it is indeed the reality of some black women; to be so desperate for love as to beg a man to impregnate you. Shudders. It really is intriguing. For one, the show takes on very important social issues that other shows would not dare: "The Ugly Black Woman" concept; teen pregnancy; affirmative action; fertility among older black women; corporate America and it's messiness; race and racism; and oh the shenanigans of black men.

Anyway, the third season premiered two weeks ago, and it has really picked up. But that's not why we are here. Season two ended with us finding out that Mary Jane's (the main character) bipolar best friend who suffers from depression once had oral sex with Mary Jane's on-and-off boyfriend. Mary Jane accidentally heard this because the said guy butt-dialed her while he and the best friend were talking about it. Madam best friend had gone to his house because she wanted them to confess to Mary Jane. Mary Jane hears this and gets distracted from driving, runs the red light and wound up disfigured in the hospital. Talk about drama. Not only is Mary Jane facing a potential law suit (Her alcohol level was high, although she was not drunk. It didn't help that she had a history of hiding booze at her office), she is also facing the loss of her job. Oh, how do you report the news with a disfigured face? And oh, the lady she hit is also extorting her. Did I hear you say MESSY?

What do you think happened between bestie and Mary Jane? You guessed right. Bestie tried everything to appease to Mary Jane (MJ), but she was having none of it. One night, Mary Jane's brother brought bestie over to her house just so they could talk. Oh did I mention bestie once attempted to take her life in season one? Yeah, bestie is very fragile—emotionally and mentally. I guess that's why the brother just had to interfere. It did not end well that night though, Mary Jane got really mean and said nasty things to her.

Episode 3 of season 3 begins with bestie eating her last supper. Yes, she took her life. It was the most devastating thing ever. Watching it was even physically painful. I was like "how did I get here?" I thought this was just one raggedy, ratchet show that I watched for fun and used to kill time while twisting out my hair or washing it. How has this become so intense? BUT it was a very beautifully written episode. We got to see who bestie really was and how impossible it was for her to live with all that guilt and PAIN. This gentleman described the episode best, when he said:

"The last episode could stand on its own as an exercise in how to handle a show with that many emotions packed into it. It was flawless. It was moving. It was compelling television. It was the moment, to me, where I feel like Being Mary Jane decided to go for it. They decided to take their show to a new level. It's not just a show that's good for BET. It's a good show, period. These folks want to be taken seriously. They made an already good show one that looks like they're hoping for some recognition."

Bestie's life was really a culmination of  "loneliness, isolation and pain that she'd endured through her life." We would find out that bestie was sexually abused by her stepdad from age 9 to 16; she travelled to Kenya to find herself; she volunteered as a mentor at Boys and Girls club; she was Buddhist, Methodist, Catholic, AME (she was open to all religions); and in the words of Mary Jane, "she literally brought life into the world." She was a successful gynecologist, she had a brilliant career, and what on the surface might have looked like the ideal life. Deep down however, she was a wreck.

I love especially how Kara (second bestie) was educating the others and by extension the viewers on suicide. I also love how drama queen, MJ's Mom thought they were to blame for bestie's suicide, because really that's what anyone would have thought: that they were responsible for the death because of how they all treated her in the aftermath of her betrayal of MJ. The truth though is, bestie was sick and that's just it. Unfortunate, but the reality of things. It was really nobody's fault. It was painful to watch though; seeing her eat the last meal; just watching the whole suicide thing play out was excruciatingly painful and emotionally grueling. For a second, I thought what if while eating that meal and before staring at her naked self and gulping down all that wine and pills, she just reached out to ANYONE at all?

I know I started this post joking, but it really is a serious matter. I don't think MJ has any fault at all. No matter how depressed bestie was, fact is she still HURT her friend and MJ was right to be angry. People have so much pain and hurt in them, sometimes there's only so much anyone can do to help them. Except perhaps to just be there. If you're the one hurting, please ask for help and receive it when people offer. You can never do it alone. No one can or should. So for everyone who has ever considered suicide, I hope you'll reach out to someone who can listen. I hope you'll find joy again. I hope you'll remember that you're never alone. I hope you find peace. I know that while no one may ever understand you, God does. Who better to talk to anyway, than he who formed you in your mother's womb? Talk to God or have someone help you talk to him.

Remember, in the end, everything WILL be okay.

Also, remember to "Make sure that you tell everyone that you love that you will love them no matter how ugly their truth is. You’ll still love ’em.”



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