Friday Reflections

1.) Scandal. Scandal. Scandal. Scandal. So good, so shocking. I hope [spoiler] isn't dead!

2.) I usually don't care about spoilers but err let me be nice because this was huge.

3.) Haha I was just talking about praying for the healthcare situation yesterday; Jesus came through today

4.) Why don't people understand that it's ok to be a little less selfish. I mean, what's the big deal if you lose a little money or food or whatever just so someone else can get enough? How can we survive in a world that insists on everyone for himself?

5.) Grey's Anatomy featured a couple married for 60 years and who still wanted more time with each other; it was very beautiful. I mean, to love someone that much? I'm not usually sappy but that got me.

6.) Blogging is fun and all but it can be very time consuming.

7.) Alright folks, that's it for this week. See ya on Sunday!



Being Outspoken With Our Character

How is your week going? I've survived mine only by God's grace, to be honest. I'm constantly learning and re-learning that done is better than perfect. And also that God's grace can really get me through anything.

So I was talking to my brother about the need for us Christians to be more outspoken about Jesus. I'm not really talking about standing on a soapbox and condemning everyone who falls short of our standards. I'm talking of proudly owning the Jesus life. I'm a Jesus girl through and through. Haha. Oh I'm also not talking about the need to proselytize everyone we meet. To be honest, that's not always our job. What is our job then? You ask. How can we be more outspoken? With our actions. Actions sometimes speak louder than whatever our mouths say. I'm all about practical applications of the word of God; so I will share some of what I've learnt this week on how to act; how to be more outspoken about Jesus through character.

I feel like I'm going to overuse this photo, but the message is especially apt :-(

The first, of course has to do with others and not ourselves. It is to pray for people. Intercede for others. There are times when you want to pray but you just don't know what to say. Start by praying for someone; anyone. Your friend dealing with emotional issues? The one dealing with financial ones? Your acquaintance? Family? Everyone you know is trusting God for something. Pray for them. Along the lines of prayer is the call to pray for our leaders (I Timothy 2:1-4). Now, this one is hard yo! I mean with the foolery going on politically both in the United States and around the globe; Jesus needs to take the wheel on this one. But I'm not ashamed to admit I'm struggling. In fact, if you're so concerned that your leaders are messing your country up, then you should even pray harder. For instance, I am trusting Jesus these men up on the Hill and the White House don't take away healthcare from millions of people to enrich a few. Amen? Amen! Pray for your leaders. Then vote 😊  or go to a town-hall meeting.

A second way we can be outspoken with our character is to be kind, gentle, compassionate. These are difficult things to do in the world we live in. I'm going to be very frank. Yes they are difficult, but not impossible. Take care of people. Look out for others. Be a better friend. Check on your friends. Don't be so caught up with your own life and struggle that you completely forget others. Technology (HELLO What's App) has made this increasingly easy. Your friends are just one text message away. I know the cool thing to say is: real friends don't have to talk all the time, they just pick up from where they left yidi yada BS. No, I don't completely agree with that. I'm not saying to camp out on the phone all day and ignore your responsibilities ooooh. I'm saying check on people. Is someone supposed to show up and didn't? Please ask them why. Be concerned. Show concern. Listen to people. Encourage them and say nice things. Not everything or everyone should be a hassle. The lie the devil sells is you can do alright by yourself. No. We all need people. But people are inherently fallible so they WILL disappoint you. Love them anyway. Be sympathetic to the plight of others. Be humble. No one likes a show off.

These are obviously not the easiest values to embody, but these are values God and any decent human being should encourage. They are practical ways to uphold a sort of beauty from our inner selves. I didn't just wake up and come up with a random list, these are inspired by facts from the Bible. Adhere to them as much as you can.

One last thing is to pray. Whatever it is, just pray first. My brother reminded me of a hymn today and a line stuck with me all day from the hymn:

"O what peace we forfeit; O what NEEDLESS pain we bear, all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer."

Truer words were never said.



In Response to Tyrese and All the Many Letters to Women

If you look at old posts on this blog, like really old posts, ha...I used to go in, no holds barred; opinionated with no care in the world. I have grown, so I now add a little bit of tact to how I present things. Moreover, what would Jesus do? It is with all these in mind that I will do this post even though I told my siblings I did not feel like wasting my time with this issue. I mean, never mind that seconds, literally seconds after telling them I did not want to waste my breath on the issue, I went on a tirade. I pity them sometimes. Anyway, this has been really eating at me; it also feels like no one is going to do this. Plus to be honest, there are so many stupid letters to women all over the place: on how to find a man, how to keep one, how to look like the left leg of an elephant while simultaneously looking like the right leg of a hippopotamus. Yet no letter to men. So, this is one. So I'm here taking one for the team.

You're probably wondering, what exactly is THIS?


This is Jesus making an appeal to Tyrese through me: stop it. Just stop it. Stop with masking misogyny with faux-deep messages. Messages that on the surface appear to embody some serious societal issues; that's until you strip them, examine them, and realize how empty, borderline insulting, completely patronizing, and just plain trite they are. I don't even know how he still has a platform. But welcome to the 21st century. Everyone has a platform, including me :-)

He posted one of such cliches again recently. Because I don't want to barf, I'm not going to repost it here. But for context and to get the real gist, check it out here. First of all dude, you must not have better things to do with your time than deeping your nose in the hair and makeup business of women. Like seriously, even I don't have that kind of time.

"You're not light skinned enough."

"Why is your natural hair so...kinky?"

"Your natural hair doesn't fit you" --Honestly, if this isn't the silliest thing ever; that the hair growing out of your head doesn't fit you?

"Why is your ass so flat?"

"You are too ghetto."

"Ugh why you trying to act white?" - to a black woman who speaks proper English.

"Jeez, why are you so educated; no man is going to marry you."

“You should cover up, but not too much. Just enough that you are sexy enough.”

“Don’t be fat. Oh, but don’t be too skinny either. We men don’t like bones.”

“You should totally make up, but of course not so excessive that we don’t recognize you.”

These are statements that many [black women] have heard from men like Tyrese time and time and time again. I will speak from the point of view of a black woman. And while Tyrese might have emphasized on "all races", make no mistake: that shade was for black women in all our weave glories lmao. Seriously though, for centuries, black women have been trying hard to contort themselves, and morph into something they aren't for the pleasure of  and to meet the expectations of men like Tyrese. Even if some of such black men are incredibly broken. Because when they are broken, they turn to the sistas. You seethe sista is supposed to hold him down, mold him, shape him, and most of all, wait while he becomes a man. Except the minute he becomes a man, he leaves.  He then begins to worship and glorify what society has termed "beautiful".

But people like Tyrese would not criticize the years of oppression women have had to and maybe even still endure. Instead, in the guise of helping said women, men like Tyrese further twist the knives in  the backs of women by further insisting  on a new set of standards for women. The most irritating is that people like Tyrese, after years and years and years of sleeping with women—the  very kinds he is criticizing— and smashing their metaphoric hearts into pieces; they then wake up someday whole and pure. Cue the angels. It is with this new found piety that they find "the most beautiful woman" to marry and of course degrade the ones who just were not enough :-).  If someone else wrote that essay; perhaps with better intentions, okay...fine, I guess. BUT, go look at the music videos of these very men who spew rubbish: it's filled with the exact kind of girls Tyrese criticized: unrealistic behinds; weaves so long, they touch the knee; bleached skins etc. So tell me again, what exactly is their point?

Should I decide to take relationship advice from some random person on the Internet, it will not be from Tyrese. See, we already know it's not wise to make drastic changes in the form of plastic surgery for anyone but yourself. There is no need to over-flog that; it's commonsensical. Along the same lines, it's just as self damaging to be "modest" or to burn your make up kit in a bid to keep a man. There is only so much you can do to "keep" a man. A man is a fully functional higher animal who decides on his own whether to stay or leave. We are in 2017; might I remind Tyrese that women don't simply exist for the sole purpose of being someday whisked away by a man. No.

That being said,  my personal advice is to not get plastic surgery [for vanity purposes]; it's really not that cute. But honey, DO YOU. Evaluate your reason, mental and emotional health, most of all evaluate the values you hold high. On that basis, live your darn life. Because even if you contort yourself into a freaking pretzel, men like Tyrese will probably still treat you anyhow and then go and marry someone else :-). Preferably the one who fits the world's notion of "beautiful". No shade.

It's just y'all decided and set the standards for what beautiful is. You can't turn around and blame women who try hard to conform and meet those standards. No bueno.

So girl: fix that weave, perm that hair, wear it natural, rock that fro,  slap that wig on, braid it, contour that face till  your nose is sharp enough to chisel your furniture, highlight till you are glowing more than the sun, if it makes you feel good. You are beautiful any which way. You also rock any which way.


and some magic


Friday Reflections

1.) Impostor syndrome sometimes rears its ugly head. I do however, feel blessed to be doing life with great people. My friend sent a very supportive and touching email to me today; it was very uplifting and encouraging.

2.) Ugh Tyrese...ugh. Just UGH.

3.) I just can't

4.) You know what gals? It matters how your partner treated the women he dated before you. He really does.

5.) Masking misogyny with faux-deep crap

6.) Jesus Christ, are these people about to take us to a nuclear war?

7.) Really I can't.

8.) Perhaps it's time to become a doomsday prepper??

9.) Yara Shahidi is what we call #Goals. Yeah she is pretty young, but goodness; poise, grace, intelligence, eloquence...aka Black Girl Magic.

10.) Meanwhile, I just watched the last episode of Scandal 😱😳

The Believers Tag (Christian Journey Tag)

How you doin' *In Wendy Williams' voice*

Okay so I found this tag on YouTube by Tosin Alabi, and she encouraged everyone to try it. I thought well I don't do videos, and then she tagged even bloggers as well. So here I am doing this, because honestly I need a break and/or distraction from work right now. And what better way than to blog?

1.) When did you give your life to Christ?
Uhm...okay so I grew up in a Christian home and we always went to church on Sundays. So I knew about God already and knew to pray in times of trouble. I officially decided to go all in, I think in 2007, the last year of secondary school. But you know, I was still really young at the time. So while I made the conscious decision then, it did take a long time to actually start living it out.

2.)  How did your family receive your conversion?
Well, members of my family are Christians too, so it wasn't a huge departure from what was familiar I think. I also think it matters to my family what my values are and how I live my life. So...good, I'm guessing.

3.) When is your favorite time to fellowship with God?
Hmm, in the morning. Not for anything in particular except I mostly have my quiet time in the morning, so it's my favorite time.

4.) How often do you pray?
Not as often as I'd like. At the very least, twice a day I think. But prayer isn't always about performance; it's communication in many different forms. So I would say I don't actually count.

5.)What is your favorite book/books of the bible?
The pentateuch because while they can be really dense, they teach me a lot about leadership. The books of the Gospel, because they really help with knowing who God/Jesus is. And of course the letters (Corinthians, Ephesians, Philippians etc.); they give practical, realistic tips on how to live.

6.) What church do you attend?
Citizen Heights, baby! #Possibleawaits

7.) How would you describe your relationship with God?
Wow this is huge. It really is still evolving. And every day it's clearer. I would say: a kindhearted, extremely loving father and companion.

8.) What challenge/challenges have you faced on your walk with God?
The biggest challenge I face, which is also about the most important tool in a relationship with God, is trust. Not necessarily trust in his ability; but trust in him wanting to "be" for me. In other words, it's me not Him haha. Also there are certain virtues I find hard to embody, you know. But I'm constantly learning about grace and growing.

9.)What are your spiritual goals?
Definitely to grow in my knowledge of God and His will. Also to grow in spiritual wisdom and understanding.

10.) Advice for a new convert.
Well, you've done what's most important: accepting Christ. But allow for some mystery; you can't understand it all or know it all. There is a mystery to life that only God understands, and that's okay. You should also try to study the word; it doesn't matter if you don't understand much of it at first, just keep reading (see above Books of the Bible for inspiration). When people don't understand your new found faith, don't spend all your energy trying to convince or explain to people. Do what you can and then ignore. If it feels like the journey is too overwhelming, listen to preachers (TD Jakes, Christine Caine, Priscilla Shirer, Joseph Prince) on YouTube, read blogs etc. You will be fine.

That's it. Hope you enjoyed it? And of course, if you're reading, you are tagged!



When It Feels Like God is Quiet

This is pretty much something I feel like most Christians have gone through, and probably more than once too. Perhaps you have an important decision to make, or you just need direction in life, and everyone keeps telling you to pray about it. And you have, but...silence. You are not getting any answers. That can be real hard. My friend, Tomi made a video about this; so with her permission, I decided to share it below.

I will summarize some key points below, but you need to listen because she expatiates on how it relates to this topic. 

1.) God is a good father, who doesn't want you to fail (Matthew 7:11). Major key right here. 

2.) God wants the best for you.

3.) Go to God with points 1 and 2 above in mind.

4.) God speaks through diverse means

5.) Trust God completely (Hebrews 11:16).

Like she said in the video, my hope is that you find the answers that you seek and that you trust God to help you through whatever thing you may need his direction and wisdom for.



Friday Reflections

1.) God is really rooting for me.

2.) Sometimes I worry that I don’t deserve the amount of grace bestowed on me and God reminds me that: “duh, that’s literally the essence of grace”.

3.) Fitness trackers can be really obsessive; they make you just wanna walk everywhere haha.

4.) People and their faux-anger; constantly finding something to be angry at.

5.) Chimamanda said what she said and will stand by it; it's why I love her.

6.) Not only are people obsessed with acceptance, they don't want to listen to dissenting opinions. it's ridiculous.

7.) I actually agree with Chimamanda by the way.

8.) I hate to be the person who talks about weather every time, but errr it was legit 70 degrees yesterday and 20 today.

9.) I don't get how you can trust someone to take a front row seat at your wedding by making them a part of the bridal party, but somehow you don't trust them enough to tell them you just welcomed a child? This culture of secrecy baffles me.

An Obligatory Birthday Post

Obligatory because…I’m being facetious. A birthday post is being “extra”. I mean maybe not if you consider that people have actual photoshoots on every birthday. So perhaps, this is not a lot? I don’t really make a big deal of my birthday and turn my nose up at people who do haha. But I feel like I have a testimony and it’s obligatory to share.

My birthday was on Tuesday and it was pretty uneventful as my birthdays usually are. However, when I think about just how far I have come, I'm filled with thanksgiving and joy. My life now is such a stark contrast from what it was last year. On my birthday last year, I was uncertain, angry, and very anxious. This year, I am excited, hopeful, content, and most importantly I have great peace.
In my post yesterday on International Women's Day, I briefly mentioned the first things I did when I woke up on Tuesday. I'm really keen on being better. To be a better daughter, sister, just do better.

I want to be more confident in who I am in  Christ and really be able to approach God boldly, trusting to receive mercy and find grace to help me when I need it the most. So yes, I had a good day, mostly talking to family and friends, which was more fun than it sounds. But it was a huge reminder of the difference one year can make. God has been more than faithful this past year and I'm thankful. It really can only get better.

And the gifts 😳  lol. I know and have solid people in my life. I jokingly wrote a list for potential birthday gifts, and as I keep striking things off because I received them, I'm amazed. First, because I know real Gs lol, but also because write it down people. Write it down and make it plain and RUN with it.

Thankful. Thankful. Thankful.



International Women's Day 2017

“Women should be revered, cherished, championed, protected…”

That’s what some men say in response to gender inequality or misogyny. When put that way, it's condescending and patronizing. We don’t need your reverence any more than the next guy. What women need is to be treated as equal members of the society. What she needs is to be paid just as much as her male counterpart with the same qualifications; To not be judged by tougher standards than the XY chromosomes; To have access to quality health care; To have access to quality education; To be, when her health care choices are being discussed, invited to the freaking table so at the very least she has a say; To be allowed to sometimes fail, and pick herself up like she always does.

I know we often say women can now be anything they want to be. It's somewhat true, yet somewhat false. Like my sister recently said in one of her essays: "There is potential and then there is opportunity." On this International Women's Day, I wish girls are provided with more opportunities to become phenomenal women of their choosing. It would be nice if these opportunities are not thwarted by old, white men who believe the world was a better place when women knew their place. I have heard so much about the movie Hidden Figures, but I’m yet to see it. However, its premise reminds me that you can’t be what you don’t know. If you are never exposed to the concepts or the thought of becoming a scientist, you’d never know you could be one. So I hope girls are provided with opportunities to read more; to learn more; and talk more.

On this International Women’s Day, I particularly want to talk about a sub group of women—black women. Black women…bless their souls have been doing right by this world for centuries, yet they bear the brunt of this society. They are the least paid, most disrespected, most vulnerable to poverty, and they have higher risks of dying from the female cancers. Despite this unfortunate and egregious facts, the typical black woman puts everyone before herself. Too often, they are left out...out of the discussion, out of the boardrooms, out of the feminism movement.

Now, this is also in particular for the black women in particular who have spent their lifetimes dedicated to nurturing everyone before themselves. We can and will do better for you. - Jesse Williams, 2016

I am not a parent. But I wish every parent would read Chimamanda Adichie’s Feminist Manifesto. My problem with the society today is the imbalance. We focus a lot on raising and priming the girls to become good wives. But we ignore the boys and never teach them to take responsibility. So they grow up to become jerks. They grow up thinking they are “babysitting” their own children or are “helping” out around the house. Whereas women grow up thinking if a man merely cooks for us, he has just cured cancer. As if the ability to cook comes “pre-installed in a vagina” and so it must be extraordinary for a man to cook.

I find that when women are described as “strong”,  it’s often because they have gone through the worst forms of oppression and abuse (whether physical or emotional) from men. We are taught to romanticize and idolize such stripping of self for others.  Somehow we are conditioned to tolerate and enable the worst kinds of men. But we know better and must do better. I hope that my friends and sister stay away from jerks and bullies and unkind men. Do not tolerate them. Do not enable them.

Do not romanticize suffering. There is NOTHING poetic about a love that breaks your spirit. - Titilope Sonuga, 2016

On this International Women’s day, I  worry about shrinking myself to fit; I want to stop worrying about acceptance and likeability. Is my hair too big? Is it too kinky? Would I be taken seriously? What about my dress, is it modest enough? My birthday was yesterday and as soon as I woke up and prayed, the first thing I told myself was that I would make the deliberate effort to be unapologetically me this new year. I want to be unapologetically Christian; I want to be an unapologetic Nigerian in America or Naija-American; I want to be effusive if I feel like; I want to be opinionated and not worry about coming across as “too extra” or "too much". I want to be me. I’m brilliant and sometimes kind. I’m beautiful and sensitive. Me is awesome. I hope that many Women embrace their "me", however that is defined for them.

In Adichie's Manifesto, she mentioned language and its power. I couldn't agree more. You have the right to call your daughter what you feel like. But check your motives. My own father's term of endearment to my sister and I loosely translates to Chief, Chairman, Queen. I couldn't be prouder of him, even if I tried. My cousin once said on her BBM pm: "Don't call me babe, or hun, or princess; call me Madam Chairman." Seriously, I am Madam Chairman.

Teach her to question language. Language is the repository of our prejudices. - Chimamanda Adichie, 2016

One last thing is to again reiterate the words of Chimamanda Adichie: “You are either a feminist or not. You either believe in the equality of men and women or you don’t”. There is no in between.

No matter how much obstacles they throw our way; no matter how often they mansplain us; no matter how much they judge us by tougher standards than the XY chromosomes; may they always say about us: “Nevertheless, SHE persisted”.

Happy International Women’s day to all the beautiful and extraordinary women I know. You rock.



Finding Your Calm in the Midst of Confusion

"As bipolar as the weather."

That ought to be a new saying. It was spring last week, and dead-cold winter today. 😑

Last week...I knew the weather was too good to be true. I was right.

God taught me a huge lesson today about serving and embracing my place. I don't feel like sharing the details. But basically I learnt to not take failure too personally. If I'm assuming all the shame that comes with failure, that means I would want to take all the glory that comes with success too. When in fact God has all the glory. Get it? So that's that.

We are not hear for that today though even though I feel it should be a constant reminder. We are here to remember God's faithfulness through the foray against the Israelites in Exodus 14. Before I continue; I feel like I should always preface my posts with: "I am NOT an expert on these things." I know I want others to read this, but more than anything I want me to read too.

A little context and background for Exodus 14: after lots of persuasion by Moses, Pharaoh finally allowed the Israelites to leave Egypt. If I remember correctly, they weren't just allowed to leave, they also received parting gifts from the Egyptians. In secondary school, we called such gifts forget me not. Geez those things were usually junk haha. I digress. Just as the Israelites left though, God in his unpredictably wise ways instructed Moses to order them to camp in a strange place.


Really God? Why should we detour? This is NOT the route to the promise land. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Pharaoh would think we are confused. I imagine them screaming.

But that was exactly his plan: for Pharaoh to think they were trapped and confused.

uh oh. Or as they say on Twitter, TRIGGERED.

Why would confusion be a part of God's plan? You mean to tell me that when my life sometimes seemed so disjointed that I thought I was inadequate, it really could have been part of God's plan?! Indeed our lives can take the most confusing form sometimes; they may trigger so many puzzling questions in us and yet it could be all part of God's plan to display His glory. I hear you say:

well, if he told me of said plan, maybe I wouldn't have to worry so much and ask all those questions.

Err...he DID tell Moses his plan, and yet when the army of Pharaoh came closing in, they started to wail:

"Why did you bring us out here to die in the wilderness? Weren't there enough graves for us in Egypt? What have you done to us?"


...and complained.

They would rather be slaves and settle in what was comfortable...what was familiar...what was convenient...because they were afraid.

If this feels like I'm talking to you, it's because I am 😑

"The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm." -  Exodus 14:14

You know what happens next after Moses sang kumbaya to comfort the Israelites and get them off his behind? God was like: errr why you whining? Get off your behinds and start moving. I'm not even kidding, that's what He said. Go ahead and confirm it in Exodus 14:15.

We must always pray, but sometimes we have to act. Calm doesn't mean inaction. It can mean stealth. It mostly means unbothered. But it never spells inaction. Be still enough to let God work through you, but sometimes (MOST times) he already answered that prayer, but we are too paralyzed with fear to take action.

I learnt my own lesson today (totally unrelated to this), so it's time for you to learn yours: if you feel trapped, it's probably part of the plan; and Calm never means inaction.

Go on and flourish!



P.S: Blogging/writing/creating is soooooo therapeutic and amazing, I can't believe I consider shutting off this blog sometimes!

Friday Reflections

1.) It's March, baby!!!

2.)  I sometimes feel like wigs were created to destroy our natural hair so that we can then rely only on wigs.

3.) Learning and re-learning to say no.

4.) Lord, this tearjerking article about a dying woman composing a dating profile for her husband. What a beautiful union and friendship she has had so far with the man? Amazing article.

5.) The prayer of the righteous is powerful and has wonderful effects.

6.)  I can't really say how well I'm doing on my goals for the year. It's hard sometimes, but I've got this :)

7.) It's my birthday on Tuesday!! See number 1. I'm not big on birthdays, but I'm pretty excited and thankful for my life. More so, it's a stark contrast with where I was last year. Whew. Thank Jesus.

8.) Pride really does come before a fall. Really.

9.) I need a break.

10.) It's gonna be a cold weekend :-( :-)


Be fabulous,


Making Choices: A Lesson From Casey Affleck and Nate Parker

The Oscars was this past Sunday and barring the jaw-dropping-are-you-freaking-kidding-me snafu at the last minutes, it was pretty...uneventful. Okay; Queen Viola and King Mahershala  snagged themselves well deserved awards. But something or someone stood out though. It was the winner of the best actor award—Casey Affleck.

Now you will have to excuse me because until Sunday, I had no idea who homeboy was. Apparently his brother is Ben Affleck; he grew up a couple of blocks away from and is best buddy with Matt Damon; until recently, he was married to Summer Phoenix; and thus his brother in law was Joaquin Phoenix. If there was ever a case of deep connections or as my people call it—long legs, this was it.

But we are not here to talk about his lineage although you will need that context to understand this entire essay.

So why was everyone Black Twitter so furious he won the award? And who is Nate Parker? Why are their names popping up together? I'm here for you. Just come with me on this rabbit hole I too found myself on Sunday night/wee hours of Monday morning.

It turns out both men have been involved in sexual assault/harassment allegations sometime in the past. But that's not all they have in common. Both men starred in major and Oscar-worthy films this past year. Affleck in Manchester by the Sea and Parker in Birth of a Nation. A quick internet search will tell you both of those films are really good. I wouldn't know; I rarely watch movies. So how come only one eventually made it to the Oscars? And not only did the other not make it to the Oscars, it has been somewhat shunned? Well the answer is somewhat behind the main guys I have just mentioned above.

When Nate Parker was in college, he was accused of rape. From what I read, not only did homeboy allegedly rape this poor girl, he invited his pal to join in. Now Parker was eventually acquitted, but his co-conspirator was charged. In a devastating turn of events, the victim took her own life from terrible depression after that sad incident. Turner would then grow up to be an actor. Unknowingly, and well not surprisingly (to me) his recklessness and callousness would come back to bite him in the back. He had been in Hollywood for a while but like a lot of black actors, he just had not made it BIG. Nonetheless, he has been working hard and grinding, and when the time came, he decided to go for this movie that would give him the push. He hustled to get a sponsor for this movie and gave his blood and sweat to see that this movie made it big; writing, directing, and starring in it. And it was on its way to the world's stage...Oscar buzz for the movie had begun. Then came karma and its sexy wings. People got whiff of the past allegations. Thus, his reckless, juvenile, and despicable actions from the past crawled back into limelight. The movie eventually took a plunge and was a "financial disappointment". A the only reason tbh huge part of this was because of Nate's past. In an ironic twist of fate, the film itself depicted rape. See, Nate Parker did everything to deflect and defend his past. No bueno. His co-star Gabrielle Union, herself a victim of rape spoke out both in criticism of his past and to reiterate the importance of the movie. Because let's face it, the story of that movie deserved to be told. It really is a good movie. No. People were not having it. It received no Oscar nod.

Not that I would ever, ever advocate or even give an excuse for any kind of sexual assault, but the fact is Affleck was never accused of rape. He was accused of sexual misconduct. While on set after filming a movie seven years ago, he allegedly climbed into bed with a co-star and was angry when she immediately demanded that he leave. He would also [allegedly] often make sexual jokes at her and demand for sex. (Christ, some people are vile). He eventually settled out of court.

So yes in magnitude, one can say Affleck's situation was less than Parker's, but just as disgusting, and misogynist, and outright WRONG. Still Affleck's movie was not shunned. Affleck was rewarded for his movie.You see, Parker is no Casey Affleck. Unlike the latter, Parker has no cushion of Hollywood and white privilege to fall back on. Parker is not white. But most importantly, Parker [allegedly] did violate that woman. I don't care if he was 12 or 10 or 40. There is no excuse for such actions.

Theirs is a huge reminder that we are responsible for the choices we make. Our actions today can make or mar us tomorrow. I know it feels like Affleck got away with it. After all, he did get an Oscar? Wrong. For the rest of his ENTIRE life, each time his name is Googled; those allegations would stand in bold contrast to every other thing, albeit good he might have done or would do. His children's children's children would see and know that daddy, granpa, great-granpa was a perv, or at least was accused of being a perv. Parker? Well need I say more? He lost what could have been and probably was the biggest opportunity of his life to shine. Not only did his selfishness and irresponsibility cost him his good name, it's effects spilled on others too. I mean think about his costars in that movie that could have used it as an opportunity to spring up. And most of all the victims of these men whose lives (and families) would never remain the same. Do not let one night, a couple of drinks, the need to "have fun" ruin your life.

Take charge and be responsible. Make the right decisions, because what might look like a night of fun today can have ripple effects for years to come.



P.s: I'm sorry for how long this was. Also; this was a detour from my usual posts haha.