International Women's Day 2024

Call it being weary. Call it laziness. Call it being pedantic. But this year on International Women's Day (IWD) 2024, I decided there wasn't any point to writing anything original. As you know I've always posted on International Women's Day on this blog. This year is no different. Except for all the ways in which it is different. I'm pulling words from over the years that I have written on IWD. I don't know how many times you have to say something for it to stick. Here is what I know: I won't and can't tire of reiterating the need for equality in our world; the need for women to have it better; the need for women to be heard and seen. The goal is to wake up one day and realize there is so much fairness, enlightenment, and equity/equality that we no longer need IWD. Ah a dream. 

Let's count down, shall we? My words over the years. Here ya go.

International Women's Day 2023

This post  is coming about three weeks late but better late than never! We have a serious IWD series on this blog and we are not about to let it go this year. So on the very last day of Women's History Month, let's talk about it.

One fear I've had in recent times is that our generation has taken to underestimating gender inequality. After all, we have had female leaders, athletes, corporate executives. Women can now vote, work, drive, yay feminism, right? To add salt to the injury of this perspective is the sudden glamorization of everything generations before us fought against. With the rise of younger women on TikTok ostentatiously broadcasting their dependence on ultra-wealthy boyfriends, glossing over clear imbalance of gender dynamics as they feature their latest designer purses in yet another get-ready-with-me video, or as they deliver yet another aesthetically pleasing smoothie to their boyfriends. What is not as apparent to the impressionable [even] younger viewer is how wide this path is to abuse and powerlessness, and perhaps even sadder, how much those who came before us fought against this very phenomenon.  

But the gag is (as the cool kids say), we need advocates for women more than ever. In a world where people falsely believe the differences between men and women are nonexistent, where people believe our work is done, we need louder voices for women. One thing is clear, there are still myriad of biases and barriers that prevent women from pursuing and/or achieving their potential. And I have receipts. 

INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY 2022

I happened to be in Florence, Italy today, at the Galleria Della Accademia (Accademia Gallery). The first piece of art I saw when I walked in was a marble statue, a masterpiece by  Giambologna, called "The Rape of the Sabine Women". This represents an incident often called the same name or sometimes termed "Abduction of the Sabine Women". Let me tell you a little about that incident. According to Roman mythology and historians like Livy, in the early history of Rome, just after its founding, Romulus and his male followers realized the population wasn't growing enough and thus worried about the city's strength. Yet, there were so few women inhabitants that growing the city's population would be challenging. They appealed to a bunch of people including some from neighboring towns to co-mingle with them or marry them, but that was not successful. Thereafter, they decided the next course of action was to abduct Sabine women during a festival (they deceptively invited these women to) and then, they raped them. 

International Women's Day 2021

I recently [virtually] attended an event where Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala and Julia Gillard had spoken. They wrote a book about women leaders all over the world and what is different for them. Fantastic idea behind the book. But anyway, they both emphasized the double standards women are often held up to and judged by. Particularly important is women’s appearance, both literally and figuratively. Literally, as in, what are we wearing? Is our hair too big? Do we have make up? Do we not? Also figuratively,  as in are we smiling enough? Are we likable? Are we warm? Are we nasty? Are we too emotional? Or too stern? Are we maternal? Or too independent?

I don’t know the solution to solving gender inequality. I do know though that every single one of us has a role to play in this fight. The world is better when both men and women participate in a world that both men and women inhabit. And such a fight must be inclusive; it must be intersectional; it must understand that although to be a woman is challenging in this world, to be a black woman is even more challenging. To be a black woman is to be termed aggressive when you dare speak up for yourself. To be a black woman is to have the media of an entire country including the twerp that is piers morgan harass you consistently for years and be expected to take it all in good grace. To be a black woman is to be called nasty. Yet, to be a black woman is to be expected to be everyone’s savior. It’s exhausting.

What is also exhausting in slow progress in this regard. I think it’s why more than ever when on just one day of the year—March 8—I see all these platitudes, I find myself getting irritated. Everyone is affirming nice things about women today but what happens tomorrow? What happens when you walk into your boardroom or executive meetings, and there is not a single woman? What happens when you silence and visibly disrespect the voice of women on your team? What happens when you as a doctor continue to gaslight and ignore your women patients and their accompanying pain? What happens when you see a woman being consistently harassed whether at work or all over social media and you choose to willingly ignore? What happens when you lowball a woman and pay her less than her counterparts even when she deserves more? What happens when women run for office and are called shrill, nasty, unlikeable? What happens when women are termed hysterical?

I leave you with these important questions to ponder. This year, #choosetochallenge yourself to do better by women in your life, at work, and in every space your occupy. Institutions need to be reformed but more often than not, there’s work to be done in the hearts of people. I continue to, on this blog and where I can, challenge tropes that have wielded the bible as their weapon to oppress them. 

Let me be clear, IWD is not about being nice to women or remind us how “strong we are”; or how we should be “revered”; or about emphasizing all the super accomplished women leaders championing important causes; or the few that are Fortune 500 CEOs. Please. It’s not that those things are not nice. But even women who are not badass prime ministers or superstar creatives  deserve worth and value. Ordinary, everyday women deserve worth and value. 

In fact, your favorite bad ass “girl boss” who crawled her way to the boardroom of a fortune 500 company might have internalized misogyny so much she thinks there is only room for one of her and therefore becomes openly hostile to other women. We must call out such vitriol. That's why I don’t believe in the feminism that says women must be nice to all women. I don’t owe all women my niceness. As a matter of fact, I despise some women and there's nothing you can do about it. I still think they should be treated equally as men. I just hate how they contribute to misogyny and how they deliberately hinder other women from greatness. This is also why more than filling your office spaces with the XX chromosome, enact policies that benefit women: have good healthcare; fund scientific research that reduce the occurrence of female cancers or just I don't know figure out basic ish that cripple women?; have generous maternity leave policies that allow women to progress at work while doing the noble job of populating our society (through childbirth); establish transparent pay practices; protect women from sexual harassment, and when there are allegations, don’t gaslight them into silence.

Paving to road to more equality is not rocket science. Some oppressors just have a vested interest in the status quo. This year #choosetochallenge them.

I will leave you with IWD posts from previous years: 2020. 2019. 2018. 2017. 2016. 2015.

Selah.

And yes, yes, it was my birthday yesterday. It was great in so many ways.  And I'm really happy to be a year older.  

Love,

I

P:S: If you enjoyed this post or got some value from it whatever, you will definitely like this one. 

International Women's Day 2020

I don't know how I committed to always writing a post on International Women's Day: see 2015, 2016,  2017, 2018, 2019. But with the current state of the world, it feels even more important. So here I am on a Sunday evening, tired but happy from my birthday celebrations this weekend (birthday was yesterday) and a very busy last week, but making sure that come hell or high water, I write on this blog today.



A whole lot has been said on social media today and mostly great things. We are not going to talk about the morons that want to make this about them by asking stupid questions like, when is international men's day. UGH. The freaking irony.  Two overarching things to talk about. First, I want to draw from Elizabeth Warren's political campaign. I don't care what your political views are, and I am hoping you are making sure you are on the right side of history. But ideological differences aside, no one can deny how astute, brilliant, and phenomenal Elizabeth Warren is. The woman is humble, she listens, she pays attention to policy, she's extremely brilliant, and most of all she never trivializes the experiences of marginalized populations. She is exactly the kind of person you would want leading you. Yet, this woman just did not get the broad support she needed to get that nomination. I know there are a multitude of factors responsible for this. But we can all agree that her media coverage was piss poor and there was a clear bias against her because of her gender. It is what infuriated me and many others the most; that this clearly qualified person lost the shot largely because of that Y chromosome.

As women, many of us can relate to Warren's trajectory. Sometimes you work incredibly hard, crawl your way up and once you get to the peak there is a man there waiting to take all the credit. Warren worked hard, and whomever wins on the democratic side would probably just tap her and all her ideas. I realized America is even more sexist than homophobic. So why are people going around telling their daughters they can grow up to be anything? They can't. At least not in America.  And this is the first thing I am hoping we think about this International Women's Day. Because we are not truly equal until people stop relegating women, until you stop leaving us behind, and until you recognize our strength, brilliance, and formidable power. Check your prejudice. No matter what, I am proud of Elizabeth Warren and the campaign she ran. I am proud, because, NEVERTHELESS, SHE PERSISTED. She showed us how to fight for our plans and dreams no matter the obstacles and hostilities around us. In her words, "the fight goes on".

The second thing is for women specifically. I am here to tell you that you don't have to be "strong". You know, when people describe women as "strong", it is often only after enduring the worst form of abuse and  after doing all the emotional and physical labor. You don't have to be extraordinary too. Somehow, women have to be extraordinary. And I'm not here for it. It's okay to not want to be badass. It's ok to be mediocre. To be content. To not want to be that powerful boss. It is okay to want a slow, simple life in a world that constantly demands you to hustle, strive, build, compete,  have this immense impact on the world, save the world, and always want more. I am here to remind you that bigger is not always better. It is okay to not have the energy and stamina to keep up with this crazy world.   It is okay to be whatever you want. As long as you fulfill God's purpose for your life, which is not always in the grand way people think. As long as you live out loud. As long as you never apologize for who you are. And as long as you never ever silence yourself.

Happy International Women's Day to all the women in my life. They are fierce, brilliant, and resilient. Importantly, they know it is absolutely okay to be ordinary. Let us keep smashing the patriarchy y'all.

The fight definitely goes on.

Love,

I

International Women's Day 2019

Instead of Friday Reflections, today will be a full blown post. I was going to do the regular Friday Reflections but I realized I have done an International Women's Day post for the past four years and I am not about to break my streak. Nope. Plus I will always have something to say on a day for phenomenal people. Okay? Okay. First, see the International Women's Day posts for 2015, 2016, 2017, and 2018. A lot of things I said in those posts and will say in today's posts, I have said variants of elsewhere on this blog and frankly in real life too.  The point being, don't just talk, DO!

Google Doodle, March 8, 2019

As my old posts will show, I always celebrate International Women's Day. But I now worry a lot about romanticizing what it means to be a woman in this world. I will do you one better, we now romanticize what it means to be a woman of color in this world. Even for a relatively privileged woman like me, being a [black] woman is not the easiest thing in the world. You have to worry about what to say, when to say, your hair, your skin, YOU. Am I too much? Am I making them uncomfortable? Have I said too much? Is my hair too big? Is she being racist or am I just making a big deal of it? And these are first world problems. When you go down several notches to the feminization of poverty, to rape, to sexual harassment, to domestic violence, to servitude (because some of you aren't wives, you're servants. Yeah, I said it), you realize the current state is not very bright.

So if you are not actively supporting and empowering the women in your life (romantic partners, friends, sisters, subordinates, coworkers etc.) but you are on social media posting shit. Screw you. And erm, do better.

Happy International Women's Day to all the phenomenal and hardworking women in my life. I love you ladies! The best part is, you know this. Or at least, I hope you do.

In some interesting coincidence, IWD is a day after my birthday. This year's birthday was awesome. It was truly, truly great. Apart from spending time with my amazing family, I also realized I have outgrown several pettiness. Before, I would be angry at the friends who didn't call me or didn't at least try to get me gifts or whatever. This year, I didn't care about all that trash Lol. What I remember is my friend E waking me up with a video call, and since she is very hilarious, I can honestly say I woke up with the kind of bellyaching laughter I love. What I remember is laughing and celebrating with my family all day. I remember the hour long phone call with my S. I remember the lovely note my friend, R wrote in the card she gave me a whole week before my birthday. I remember messages from my other friends. And I remember missed calls from other friends and family. Nothing else matters. And this kind of growth really, truly surprises me because before now no one was as petty as me. I guess that's growth? Or not? Who cares? Right now, I'm worried I won't remember which initial belongs to whom when I read this post in ten years. Oops. But I also don't want to write their names. Poor things. They didn't ask for a big-mouthed, blogger friend and that's all they got. So no full names here.

More seriously, this new chapter, I am hoping for daring faith and a shift in perspective. When Moses sent those twelve spies to the promised land. Ten of them came back with daunting reports filled with fear. "There is no way we can conquer those folks. They are bloody giants." Of the remaining two, Caleb said, "erm nope. We should go now to take that land, for we can certainly do it." I want to be Caleb. This is not some faux optimism. This is believing in the capabilities of God. This is understanding the inherent nature and core character of God. This is faith

So to daring faith, love, and bellyaching laughter.

Love,

I

International Women's Day 2018

Happy International Women's Day!

See here and here and here for my previous thoughts from previous years.

I don't have that much to say this year, other than there is still so much work to do. And we can't take our foot off the gas pedal now. This is also actually people's lives, so it's more than just being woke for the sake of it. Yes, you say all the right things, but check your biases. More than sharing stuff on social media, how are you making a difference in the lives of women around you? Are you creating a safe space? Investing in women's work? Respecting women? Contributing to opportunities for women? Supporting charities that help girls across the world?

This year's theme is "press for progress".  I especially love it because it gives women agency...it is a call to action so we can accelerate gender parity and equality. We should look out for one another and speak out. We should also learn to see women as more than just wives or daughters or moms. We are first of all, human beings! We are saying no to discrimination; to inequality; to sexual harassment and assault of all forms; we are demanding better.

Look, when you benefit from oppression, you become threatened by every possibility of it being dismantled. Men wrote the laws, they led the countries, they had the better jobs, only them voted for years. So of course our society is constructed to benefit them. Our society has been designed to benefit one half over the others. It will and must stop.

If you still think all this is unnecessary, it's because you are lazy. You are too lazy to do your research. It's that simple. If you don't understand how and why gender equality is important, your parents might have wasted their money on your education. If you retort to stupid statements implying education is what has made some of us radical with feminism; you are probably correct.

So I'm convinced if you are still ignorant, it's willful ignorance. You have chosen not to know. You have chosen a side: the side of injustice. And please, I hope we know that it's beyond such trite things as cooking or who pays for dates. It's much more. It is literally life and death. If you are one of those who think it's the white man's thing and foreign to our culture. As a matter of fact, it is not. Colonialism is what made our culture so patriarchal. Yoruba, for instance, is not a gendered language.  There is no special pronoun for women or men. I recently told my brother this and he was quite pleasantly surprised to learn that. Aba women, in the 30s led a fierce riot against fiscal oppression and burdensome taxation and WON. Three women started it. And don't get me started with Funlayo Ransome-Kuti.  I want to end #IWD2018 this year with an old caption from someone's Instagram.

"...it's not rocket science, it's not open heart surgery; feminism is a very very simple concept and for the people who have refused to utilize Google. Feminism is simply the advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men. It's not about cooking, who pays on dates, who takes whose name. Those are simply aspects of a general wider movement, and not the root philosophy. Do you believe women should have the same political, social, and economic right as men? Then you're a feminist, kpom kwem.

If you believe in the subjugation of women, you are forever canceled. If you believe women are property, away with you. If you can find any justification for why women should be beaten by their partners, you are a monster. If you believe women should conform to a certain standard of behavior that is not expected of men, you are not intelligent. If you use 'slay queen' as an insult, you are razz. If you cannot respect a woman's sexual agency, you need to be locked up for public safety. If you think that the average man is superior to the average woman solely because of his gender then you need to return your parents school feed.

And finally, if you are a woman or man, but especially a woman, and you ever utter the words "I am not a feminist" we can never be friends and we can not relate. Because feminism is not a choice, it is not an option; it is and has been, an absolute necessity for the survival of the female gender. Therefore, if you are anti-feminism, you are anti-woman, and you are my enemy. 'Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters' Matthew 12 :30 " - Adaku Ufere.

So much for not having much to say haha. But yeah that quote covers it ALL. I could very well have said the exact words.

Also, yesterday was my birthday. Another year around the sun. I wrote on social media that I love the confidence that comes with growing older. And that's all I will say about that haha since this post is already long.

Love,

I

International Women's Day 2017

“Women should be revered, cherished, championed, protected…”

That’s what some men say in response to gender inequality or misogyny. When put that way, it's condescending and patronizing. We don’t need your reverence any more than the next guy. What women need is to be treated as equal members of the society. What she needs is to be paid just as much as her male counterpart with the same qualifications; To not be judged by tougher standards than the XY chromosomes; To have access to quality health care; To have access to quality education; To be, when her health care choices are being discussed, invited to the freaking table so at the very least she has a say; To be allowed to sometimes fail, and pick herself up like she always does.

I know we often say women can now be anything they want to be. It's somewhat true, yet somewhat false. Like my sister recently said in one of her essays: "There is potential and then there is opportunity." On this International Women's Day, I wish girls are provided with more opportunities to become phenomenal women of their choosing. It would be nice if these opportunities are not thwarted by old, white men who believe the world was a better place when women knew their place. I have heard so much about the movie Hidden Figures, but I’m yet to see it. However, its premise reminds me that you can’t be what you don’t know. If you are never exposed to the concepts or the thought of becoming a scientist, you’d never know you could be one. So I hope girls are provided with opportunities to read more; to learn more; and talk more.

On this International Women’s Day, I particularly want to talk about a sub group of women—black women. Black women…bless their souls have been doing right by this world for centuries, yet they bear the brunt of this society. They are the least paid, most disrespected, most vulnerable to poverty, and they have higher risks of dying from the female cancers. Despite this unfortunate and egregious facts, the typical black woman puts everyone before herself. Too often, they are left out...out of the discussion, out of the boardrooms, out of the feminism movement.

Now, this is also in particular for the black women in particular who have spent their lifetimes dedicated to nurturing everyone before themselves. We can and will do better for you. - Jesse Williams, 2016

I am not a parent. But I wish every parent would read Chimamanda Adichie’s Feminist Manifesto. My problem with the society today is the imbalance. We focus a lot on raising and priming the girls to become good wives. But we ignore the boys and never teach them to take responsibility. So they grow up to become jerks. They grow up thinking they are “babysitting” their own children or are “helping” out around the house. Whereas women grow up thinking if a man merely cooks for us, he has just cured cancer. As if the ability to cook comes “pre-installed in a vagina” and so it must be extraordinary for a man to cook.

I find that when women are described as “strong”,  it’s often because they have gone through the worst forms of oppression and abuse (whether physical or emotional) from men. We are taught to romanticize and idolize such stripping of self for others.  Somehow we are conditioned to tolerate and enable the worst kinds of men. But we know better and must do better. I hope that my friends and sister stay away from jerks and bullies and unkind men. Do not tolerate them. Do not enable them.

Do not romanticize suffering. There is NOTHING poetic about a love that breaks your spirit. - Titilope Sonuga, 2016

On this International Women’s day, I  worry about shrinking myself to fit; I want to stop worrying about acceptance and likeability. Is my hair too big? Is it too kinky? Would I be taken seriously? What about my dress, is it modest enough? My birthday was yesterday and as soon as I woke up and prayed, the first thing I told myself was that I would make the deliberate effort to be unapologetically me this new year. I want to be unapologetically Christian; I want to be an unapologetic Nigerian in America or Naija-American; I want to be effusive if I feel like; I want to be opinionated and not worry about coming across as “too extra” or "too much". I want to be me. I’m brilliant and sometimes kind. I’m beautiful and sensitive. Me is awesome. I hope that many Women embrace their "me", however that is defined for them.

In Adichie's Manifesto, she mentioned language and its power. I couldn't agree more. You have the right to call your daughter what you feel like. But check your motives. My own father's term of endearment to my sister and I loosely translates to Chief, Chairman, Queen. I couldn't be prouder of him, even if I tried. My cousin once said on her BBM pm: "Don't call me babe, or hun, or princess; call me Madam Chairman." Seriously, I am Madam Chairman.

Teach her to question language. Language is the repository of our prejudices. - Chimamanda Adichie, 2016

One last thing is to again reiterate the words of Chimamanda Adichie: “You are either a feminist or not. You either believe in the equality of men and women or you don’t”. There is no in between.


No matter how much obstacles they throw our way; no matter how often they mansplain us; no matter how much they judge us by tougher standards than the XY chromosomes; may they always say about us: “Nevertheless, SHE persisted”.



Happy International Women’s day to all the beautiful and extraordinary women I know. You rock.


Love,

I

International Women's Day, 2016

"Some people ask: 'Why the word feminist? Why not just say you are a believer in human rights or something like that?' Because that would be dishonest. Feminism is, of course, part of human rights in general- but to choose to use the vague expression human rights is to deny the specific and particular problem of gender. It would be a way of pretending  that it was not women who have, for centuries, been excluded. It would be way of denying that the problem of gender targets women. That the problem was not about being human, but specifically about being female human. For centuries, the world divided human beings into two groups and then proceeded to exclude and oppress one group. It is only fair that the solution to the problem acknowledge that." - Chimamanda Adichie

International Women's Day.

We are well past the time when Abigail Adams had to write her husband—then president of the United States—reminding him to “remember the ladies and be more generous and favorable to them than your ancestors. Do not put much unlimited power into the hands of the husbands. Remember all men would be tyrants if they could…”

Things have remarkably improved since then, and more women have paved the way for the rest of us coming along. In the United States for instance, there have been several amendments to the constitution in favor of women. There has been the Title IX Amendment, a portion of the United States Education Amendment, which protects people from discrimination based on sex in education programs and activities that receive federal financial assistance equal education for women. There has also been Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, which protects individuals against employment discrimination on the basis of five categories, one of which is sex.

However, we are still very far away from the destination. Women are definitely still discriminated against, sometimes ostracized, and a lot of times seen as the less of both sexes. Unfortunately, in many countries, women are practically enslaved. In some developed countries, equality has been reduced—yes, reduced—to putting a few women in important positions, and leaving it at just that. We now have a female Attorney General, they say. Or we now have a female Minister of Petroleum. While that is a welcome development, it does not reduce the impact of denying a woman a job because of fear that she might someday decide to have children. It does not reduce the havoc that is wrecked when woman is objectified and made to believe that besides the extra tissues on her chest—breasts—and her backside, she really is nothing.

Now, we can debate about the women issues from here till eternity, but if we do nothing about it, it makes no sense. The most important fight in this battle is equality; that men and women are equal members of the society. Period.

On whether or not to be a feminist, here’s my answer: In the words of the legendary Maya Angelou, “I am a feminist. I have been a female for a long time now. I’d be stupid not to be on my own side.” I always used to wonder whether or not I was a feminist because I had seen that concept abused time and time again. But I have since realized that to say you aren’t a feminist would be to insult great women like Betty Friedan who fought endlessly for women. It would be to insult great women like Myra Bradwell, who when she denied admission to the Illinois state bar because she was a woman—even after passing the bar exams in flying colors—fought HARD that women be allowed to become whatever they so desired. I imagine that without Bradwell, many female attorneys today would have been, well you can guess. It would be insulting more legendary women like Funmilayo Ransome Kuti, whose courage I personally admire and marvel at. It would be to undermine our powerful mothers—some of whom had to raise their children alone, without the support of any man. So, in the words of another feminist I admire, Chimamanda Adichie, “We should all be feminists.”

Feminism is advocating the rights of women and/or supporting equality of women. Feminism is NOT hatred of men. Feminism does not in anyway disprove your desire for a husband or boyfriend. As far as I am concerned, feminism is the freedom to choose. It is when women are allowed to be whatever they want to be. It is freewill. Feminism is respecting the woman whose ultimate choice is to be a homemaker. Feminism is also respecting the other woman whose goal is to be the next Sheryl Sandberg, or the next Marissa Mayer, or the next Ngozi Okonji-Iweala. None of those choices trumps the other. As far as it is the woman’s choice, it is valid.

Therefore, let us accept the brightly burning torches that these great women have passed onto us and keep passing it on. Let us teach our daughters that playing victim is for the loser. Deciding to choose victory irrespective of what the society says of you is indeed the real victory. Let us teach those coming behind us that they are more than what the see in the mirror. What they see in the mirror is fabulous; it’s just that what they have inside—that beautiful mind—is even more amazing.

Here’s to great women; may we know them, may we be them, may we raise them.

Happy International Women’s day to all the wonderful women you and I have ever known, and most especially to my wonderful mother. I am, because you first were.

Love,

I

P.S: This post (or a variant of it) was first published on Bellanaija.