How We Spent Two Days in Brussels AKA A Two-Day (48 Hours) in Brussels Itinerary

I am determined to get this out before the end of the year because it's bad enough to be writing about this eight whole months after but to then carry it into a whole new year. Nah uh. 

Read about the other parts of the trip here: Paris here. And London here. 

This promises to be a much quicker read than the other two. 

Day 1: we arrived in Brussels and frankly, it looked a little rougher than expected. Of the three countries, this looked the least prettiest imo. Okay, so of course, we Uber to the hotel. Then we rested a little at the hotel. And went to look for food. We landed at a place called Pomodoro. Something was off here. The servings were HUGE (we had started getting used to the European decent serving size and not the humongous American sizes). The food was okay. It wasn't great but just okay. Then we headed back to the hotel. Ordered desserts from room service. Day 1 it was. 

How We Spent Three Days in Paris AKA A Three-Day (72 Hours) in Paris Itinerary

 This has been a LONG time coming. Read the first part of this, focused on London, here. 

This is now EIGHT months ago. But better late than never, eh? As I said in that last post, this is part of a three-city/country trip, with Paris, France being the second part of the journey. 

How To Spend Three Days in London AKA A Three-Day (72 Hours) in London Itinerary

There was a time bloggers just posted about trips and vacations. I tried that a couple of times and it was almost physically painful. That said, I want to try that for this vacation I'm currently on (Current me popping in parenthesis through this. Note to say this was THREE whole months ago haha but I'll leave the tenses as they are, as usual, for better flow. Something else you should know about this trip is that it's three countries/cities but London is the first stop. The others to come). So I'm writing in real time. If I get bored of having to transcribe the events of the day every evening, then that's where this stops. There also won't be that many pictures. Sorry. (That sounded curt but I really do mean the apology; sorry for not adding as many photos. Getting the pictures from that long ago is a lot of work).  I still feel a type of way about my photos just being out there in the ether. Plus, organizing pictures is a whole other chaos.

Anyway, we arrived in London from America at about 10AM local time. The six hours and change flight was pretty uneventful. Praise God. From the airport, we headed down to our hotel—about an hour's drive. Our hotel was smack dab in Trafalgar Square. I was particularly exhausted (from literally working till the very minute we left) so I just jumped into bed and slept. I woke up, took a shower, and we headed to our hotel's rooftop for complimentary drinks. Yay, for a nice view of London.

The Blog is Ten, So Time To End It?

This blog/site turned ten this year, rather unceremoniously. But yes, it was ten years ago I published my first post ever on the Internet. And there have been various iterations of this blog and quite frankly, of me too. I meant to make a big deal of the blog turning ten, but honestly life happened. The exact day (July 24) I was traveling for work and the farthest thing from my mind was this blog. 

There have been times I didn't know what to do with it and wanted to shut it down altogether; delete everything and go into hiding. My sister said if I ever delete this blog, she would "never forgive" me. Those were her exact words. If you know my sister, you know she's not ever that aggressive so it was a little shocking to hear her say that (haha). And I believed the threat so I decided against that. I won't delete. The threat did not include not ever writing though. So I thought that for a while: that I wouldn't post anything here anymore. Ah that lasted all of 2 seconds before the next idea for a post came. The whole writing thing comes so naturally for me sometimes, that it feels a little foolish to quit it. 

I have been consistent. I have been inconsistent. People have read. People have not read. But if we are keeping it real (or vulnerable, as the Internet loves to say) it hasn't grown nearly as much as I would have liked. In the beginning, it did. People read a lot. But eventually that growth fizzled out. I wouldn't call this blog a failure. And trust me, having actually failed at things, I know what failure looks like. This isn't that. Yet, I don't know that I would call it a success. So here we are. As with most things, in between. 

Surviving Traveling, Turbulence, and Bumpy Flights: A Short Story

Now, that's a dramatic title for what is about to be quite the benign, if adorable story. 

I shared it on my personal Instagram and so many people seemed to appreciate it so I thought to bring it to the blog. I know I know. I am archaic like that. Here goes. And this is a real life story by the way. 

This story starts, as most do, with a journey. I was on a work trip and heading back home. At first, my first flight was delayed by two hours, which automatically meant I was going to miss my connecting flight. I have to say, I always have the most dramatic flight experiences. Anyway, the next thing I know my connecting flight was moved to the next day. Believe me when I say, this wasn't the most dramatic aspect of this trip. Here comes that part.

How to Tell Your Boss You Need to Watch the World Cup at Work

Hi people! First of all, Go Team USA! As I write this, the US Men’s Team just won the game against Iran. Listen, all my geopolitical/foreign policy/international nerds out there, don’t let anyone tell you you’re irrelevant haha. No, I have been rooting for USA even when they played against England, and were quite the underdog in that game (side eye to some people).

An Unforgettable Italy Trip Plus A Comprehensive Guide to Visiting Rome and Florence

 For as long as I have remembered, I had always wanted to visit Italy. It’s funny because I don’t like traveling. I don’t hate it. But in my list of predilections, it’s not at the top. I do it because it is never not memorable (and absolutely FUN) but I would rather just sit on the couch with a book, a T.V. show, or MS Word open, and me writing. But Italy was the exception. I have just always wanted to go. I have never watched Eat Pray Love or any movie based in Italy, by the way. Nothing. It’s just a spirit thing. In any case, my birthday was approaching and I thought, perfect timing.

So here came Italy and me. And of course, the best travel buddy in the business, my one and only sissy poo, who is ordinarily way more adventurous so she didn't need that much convincing. I know people tend to do these types of trips with groups of friends. So you may be asking, why not ask friends. I don’t have that many friends and asking people to invest thousands of dollars because  I was celebrating my birthday is not my style. I told them though and said they were welcome if they wanted to. You may also be wondering how a trip that happened in March is only just written about in May. Just let's move on from that. Okay let's go. Italy in a blogpost. 

Our Habits are Us: The Secrets to Behavior Change

Let’s talk about habits!  Actually, back it up a little. People talk a lot about habits and productivity, and all the 10-second videos on your favorite social media APPs can delude you into think we have all got our act together; that everyone is now one hundred percent into setting healthy habits and achieving all their goals. That’s just not true. Too many people struggle with committing to good habits and there are people that have spent their entire lives talking about one [seemingly easy] habit or goal they want to achieve but which they never quite seem to do. As we head into May (or would we be in May by the time I finish writing this? We’ll see. Yay made it in time for April after all), it can be a good time to take stock of goals we set at the beginning of the year, but this can also be a depressing event if you’ve fallen off the wagon of all the good habits you started on January 5. Behavior change is hard but extremely necessary since sustaining healthy behaviors is crucial to a long and healthy life. In fact, according to Dr Edmondson of Columbia’s Center for Behavioral Cardiovascular Health, a recent study shows that human behavior accounts for almost 40 percent of the risk for heart disease, cancer, and stroke. So, behavior change can literally be life or death. Given that, how can we imbibe healthy habits and ultimately change behavior?

I Went Without Sugar for 30 Days: A Sugar-Free Challenge With Meaning

A few months ago, I came across a YouTube video where the vlogger had gone an entire year without sugar. I posted it on Friday Reflections. I remember thinking this is not possible. How I drew the line from that thinking to embarking on a no-sugar challenge still eludes me. I know I love a good challenge so entering into a new year, I decided to try it. So here goes, I went without sugar for 30 days. When I say "without sugar", I mean without any added sugar or processed sugar. So of course, I still ate fruits since the sugar in fruits in naturally occurring. This challenge was a while ago in January but you know me and writing about stuff. Anyway, let's get into it.  At first, I kept  a “diary” to keep track of my feelings around everything going on, but soon it became repetitive so I just stopped. That said, please excuse the fact that my tenses below are all over the place. On some days, I wrote in real time. On others, I wrote in the evening in retrospect. I could edit it to have consistent tenses, but then it would sound and feel weird and inauthentic. The alternative is to leave as is. I chose that option.

Day 1:

How to Cure Languishing: Six Deep Work Tips for Thriving at Home and At Work

 Before you continue on this post, first check out the FIRST PART. 

Done? Okay good. Now that you've heard all the virtues of flow and deep work in that first part, you may be asking,

But How? How Do I Do Deep Work?

I'm glad you asked. A potential challenge to the idea of deep work is that our brains don’t just immediately listen to our desires/mind and focus when we tell it to. As you may know if you read this blog, I use some form of the Pomodoro technique a lot. I am also a fairly disciplined person. My friend recently said I have a gift of discipline and she wants to learn to be like me, but she is my friend and part of being a friend is gassing your friends up, so take that what she said with a grain of salt. My point is even with all that discipline, I can tell you that you may be resolute in your decision to focus on your work, but your mind can still refuse to accept and just focus, especially when you're working on something deeply uninspiring or for which the solution is hard. Maybe your mind just wants to, I don’t know, watch videos of cats on YouTube. Even I will admit this is a challenge to the deep work thesis, but it’s not fatal and there are a ways around this.  So, in a real world, how does one do deep work? Here are some tips from Cal Newport’s book:

How to Cure Languishing: The Secret to Thriving At Work and At Home

On January 5th—the day I resumed work after the holidays—I posted on Instagram that getting back to work after a two-week break was particularly hard. In retrospect, it seems a little silly, but I spent the entire break dreading the return.  Motivational speakers would probably say if you are that terrified of returning to work, it’s not your passion or whatever. The thing is I don’t kid myself; work is work. There are other ways to express my creativity and fulfill my passion that aren’t necessarily work, but work will not always be fun. Hence, not wanting to return. The way I ultimately dealt with my return was to remind myself that I have done harder things and succeeded. It’s very important that we remember that. In addition, to tackle the problem and to get into the groove of the new year (at the time), I decided to go back to my toolshed and take another look at my productivity tools. I wanted to better understand how to work harder and smarter without constantly feeling depleted, how to produce more, and I wanted to better understand how to enjoy working—seeing as we do have to do this for the rest of our lives, no? To solve problems, I utilize three tools from the aforementioned toolshed:  reading, challenging my brain, and taking a critical look at things. I have done (and I’m still doing that) with productivity and working. Here is what I have found. Now this IS going to be a long post (that I have also divided into two/three parts, depending), so feel free to read a little, pause and continue later.

In sum, the kernel argument of this post rests on two things: the importance of deep work as the cure for “languishing”.

Planning a Trip to Cancún? An Unforgettable Vacation Experience in Cancún, Mexico

Long long ago, I went on a vacation…I’m just kidding, mostly. It was just September last year but it feels like a distant past now. I’m not sure why it never actually got shared on this blog, but here we are now. Do we still share stuff like on this on our blogs? Or is that very 2008 now? Who cares? What matters is I have decided to bring some sunshine your way this gloomy, long January. As I type this (on Saturday, January 29),  a major winter storm is happening across the States and it's been snowing so much here since yesterday that we are now blanketed in snow. What better time to reminisce about the sun, and the sands, and cold drinks, and delicious foods than now?

Needless to say, this is quite a picture heavy post. I will try to provide as much information as I remember, knowing that this has happened so long ago and events have since taken over.

Getting there. 

Summering in Philly AKA Things To Do in Philadelphia

I know it's officially fall but I still have some old posts about summer to share so...sorry? Lol. In any case, a few weeks ago (sometime in August), we visited Philadelphia and here are some pictures from the vibrant, beautiful, colorful, sometimes rude (yes.) city. Ladies and gentlemen, the city of brotherly love. 

The city at night. By the way, please note that this is quite picture heavy so brace yourself and your thumb or index finger or...ya know, whatever you use to scroll. 

Much Ado About Hiding Your Significant Other Online: Should You or Should You Not?

We haven't had a book of the month SINCE MAY. And none of it is my fault. For some reason, everyone is interested in reading the same books I want to read.  There are 194 people waiting for a book I have on hold at the library (they only have 24 copies). And then, another book I have on hold has about 150 people waiting (they only have 20 copies or so). I really don't want to buy a new book so here we are. I will admit that the past couple of weeks have been really busy for me so maybe it's good? I don't know. I plan on going back to really old books that have never been featured on this blog so watch out for that. 

Alright here we go. What are we ranting about today? Nothing really. I wanted to write about billionaires and the obscene idolizing of rich people. But quite frankly, I'm too tired. While this post will be published on a Tuesday, it is being written on a Sunday morning so yes, I am too tired to rant about that on this beautiful, peaceful day of the Lord. Instead we will rant about something else.

I am bringing you a topic I already talked a little about on Instagram. 

A few weeks ago, Issa Rae got married. Yay her. Good for her.  But it was apparently a surprise wedding? I'm not entirely sure about that because I know we all knew she was engaged but Issa Rae has always presented an allure of extreme privacy; secrecy, if you will. Apparently, that's something people respect a LOT. Because all over the interwebs, people started preaching about the virtue of "moving in silence"  and how much better Issa Rae is for not showing us her boyfriend/fiancé/husband all this time. Even though her posting this man (AND her wedding) is what prompted this conversation. Even though this man has walked red carpets with her. Even though she had talked about him in interviews. But all of a sudden, people started talking about the virtue of secrecy, how you should never share, and how social media is not the place to talk about the good things of your life. Weird flex.

Wait a hot minute. By the way, before we move on, this (right here, what is happening in this post) is why I can't have a niche for this blog because I talk about too much nonsense. But moving on. 

I had been entirely confused and thought I was alone in this confusion before people started posting my thoughts and basically articulated what I was thinking. Someone said,

"Before you start projecting your own relationship onto Issa's and going on about 'moving in silence' and 'popping up married' please remember you're not famous and literally no one cares about who you're dating and you should probably post your partner if it makes them feel good." - @austinxwill on Twitter.

LISTEN.

I preach against social media A LOT but like most things, it is a tool. And it is one that can be wielded for good and for evil. However, using social media to celebrate the people in your life doesn't seem like the worst thing in the world to me. I should know, I do it a lot. And I can tell you for a fact that people LOVE to be celebrated. They may not be as generous as to celebrate others but it doesn't stop them from receiving it or even desiring it. So what is all this nonsense about hiding things? As with most things, it can be traced back to fear. 

I think, like @judnikki on Twitter said, it is extremely pathetic that you're afraid of showing off your partner because of other people's opinions. It is in fact cowardly. Even if it does not work out eventually, so what? Why should you be embarrassed because you were IN LOVE. It doesn't mean you failed and frankly, it doesn't mean the relationship failed. It just ended. We have to change the conversation around stuff like this. For most people, the fact that things went sour doesn't mean it was never good nor does it take away from the good and amazing times you had.  

Now, most importantly: WE DO NOT CARE. At the core of most people, they don't care. Yea, sure they talk about it for a minute, but they don't care. It's not even up to a WHOLE month that Issa got married and everyone has moved on. That's right; we have better things to do (this is awkward, since I'm quite literally basing an entire post off it. I swear, I also have better things to do😔😔). I love what Denola Grey tweeted:

"Post you boo. Don't post your boo. Reveal them on your wedding day. Don't reveal them. But if you're following an inaccurately perceived blueprint from a public figure who you have no access to personally, you might want to try some autonomy. There is way more scrutiny, on a large scale in celeb couplings. Which is why some certain precautions and dedication to privacy are taken and tailored to the individuals involved in a celebrity coupling. if you're not a public figure, the scrutiny is objectively less."

He didn't stop there:

"The obsession with how people hide their SO or whatever logistics are involved in perceived extreme privacy is so weird."

Most people really do not care as much as you think. I will give you one better, most people do not have the time to care. So please, if you want to share, please share. Ignore this nonsense "move in silence". I am a little nosy, yes, but more than that I love good news. I want to see the joy on your face with your partners, your babies, your friends, your families. Joy. Love. why would you not want to share that? Do you think we only want to read about racism, depression, anxiety, wickedness every single day? Come on.

For me particularly, I don't think anyone gives an eff whether or not my picture is online. For better or worse, I don't have a sense of self-importance AT ALL. I am not deluded into thinking some "hater" somewhere cares how I move or whatever. I have realized that people are dealing with wayyy too much to care about random nonsense. I don't know if this is good or bad. I used to assume everyone else was like this. And me being me who loves to celebrate and cheer people on, whew it HAS been a thing  (is all I will say). I am learning that people move differently. I don't want to be seen as too much so now I just post me and me alone. But anyway, no I don't really believe in the concept of the "hater". [Alright, there is this one babe lowkey obsessed with me and my family. Otherwise, meh.] 

Let's be honest, privacy has an allure; all that mysteriousness, there is a seductiveness to it. Beyonce is a global power for many reasons, including she is one of the biggest pop stars of this generation (and generations to come), BUT one of the many reasons she is so adored is people just can't figure her out. It could work either way: people couldn't figure out Hilary Clinton and so they resorted to despising her. I'm saying, when people don't know you and they really want to, they obsess about you. 

If you genuinely want to keep certain aspects of your life hidden because you're  a little shy (which I get since I can be like that); or  maybe because you just actually suck at expressing yourself; or because you feel like your motives are wrong (perhaps you are also like me, chasing humility); or because you just honestly want to be considerate of other people's feelings (yes that's a thing. I can relate to it too cos I have decided not to post on certain days to protect people's feelings); then good, that's all okay and fine. You do you.

But if you don't want to post because you think using social media makes you uncool, you're lame. Or if you don't want to post because of fear, then you need to work on those feelings. You cannot let fear drive your life; whether that's fear of what people will say or fear of failure. And yes, I too, have been too afraid to post sometimes—though this is more about my radical opinions than pictures or my "private" life. 

Congrats to Issa. The rest of us: you don't have some moral high ground because you're "private". You are not curing cancer, sweetie. You fell in love. In the words of the legendary Ellis Grey, "anyone one can fall in love and be blindly happy..."

So should you or should you not? Well, it all depends, doesn't it?

Love,

I

Tips on Successfully Working From Home During COVID-19 and Beyond

On an Instagram Story post recently, I said this post would be the last thing I write about COVID-19. It turns out that I kinda lied. I mean I didn't know at the time but this post you are now reading will in fact be the last lol. Not really. I mean, who knows? I think this will be our reality for a while soooo let's see.

This post is on tips for working from home, which technically is not about COVID-19. However, the only reason I'm writing this is because of COVID-19. It looks like most people are struggling with being cooped up at home. So let's tackle one aspect of that, which is working from home since most organizations have issued a work-from-home (WFH) order. I work from home a LOT. It's probably one of the favorite parts of my life. Let's face it, I like being home a lot. So I'm like an expert on this, which is why it occurred to me to blog about it. Alright here are some tips with my own twists as usual:



1.) Be organized. Start everyday intentionally. What I mean by this is to realistically decide on what you need to achieve for the day. For this you can write a todo list for the day. This matters significantly. The sheer act of ticking things off as you achieve them is a type of high no drug can provide, I promise. But be realistic in constructing it because if you are like me, it becomes a huge blow when nothing gets done. So, do you need to exercise, shower, reply emails? Whatever you need to do, do it. Break tasks down into smaller pieces.  And then go from there. Now that you know what needs to be done. Get. It. Done.

2.)  Depending on you, you might need a dedicated workspace. People alway say make sure you get off your bed. Not for me. Some of my best works were done on my bed in my pajamas bottoms. What can I say? I love comfort. However, this takes insane discipline. Working from home requires discipline. So for you especially in the beginning stages of WFH, sure, get dressed and sit on a desk if you have one or on your dinning  table. You need to take care of your posture anyway. So find a dedicated space you can "resume" at everyday and sit upright whenever possible. The idea of "resuming" work at your space also helps with building routine.

3.) As part of building routine, set work hours. Working at home makes it so hard to set boundaries between work and home, and believe me when I say you need this. Work is just that: work. But working from home has meant I can pull out my laptop anywhere, when I say ANYWHERE, I mean it: I have worked at the airport, grocery store, doctor's office, inside the car, while shopping for clothes, at the corner of a Banana Republic (yes, people, I squatted in a corner), inside the mall, inside Target, if you can squat in a corner or worse sit down, I have worked there. This is not good. So set work hours and keep to them. At some point in the day, it should end.

4.) Choose a productivity technique. This makes it easier to be productive and actually work during your set hours. If you just say you will work for 8 or 12 hours, you probably won't. You may just scroll endlessly on Twitter and Instagram. There are too many distractions nowadays with everything going on. Therefore, you need a time management plan that allows you to break tasks into intervals. So take the pomodoro technique for instance: you work for twenty-five minutes and then take a five minute break. During this five minute break, you can do whatever you like: post on IG, scroll mindlessly on Twitter. But after five minutes, it's back to another installment of 25 minutes. With each 25 minutes you successfully complete without distractions, you can check off. Normally, if you get interrupted, you start all over. After four installments, you can take a longer break (15 - 30 minutes).  Then begin again. There are variations of this, of course. I know the actual Pomodoro technique comes with an app or so. But I'm a grown woman and I don't need all that. I just use timers on my phone and get it done. But you can look online for all the variations.

5.) Alternatively, you can assign each hour of the day to all tasks you have to complete from number 1 above. Such that even food time is allotted. So if you are wasting away at 2:15, you know that you are supposed to be running regressions on STATA not tweeting about your favorite scene from The Office or Grey's Anatomy. Yes, that was a self-read. If you do number 5 instead of a variation of number 4, then schedule breaks too. Please note that number 4 and 5 are not mutually exclusive; you can combine them.

6.) Have water by your side. Always sip water. I would say any liquid but we don't want to form dangerous habits *ahem*.  Two reasons for the advice on drinking water. First,  you are getting hydrated. But also, it ensures you are getting up to use the bathroom. So you are not just stuck in one place and you get some movement at least. It's so easy to get sucked into work.

That's all folks. I hope this was helpful. Remember that no matter how bleak it looks, this is all temporary. The data and scientists tell us that this WILL pass. Let's just all collectively behave, meaning STAY at home, social distancing, and not buying everything on the shelves. Do your best to contribute to FLATTENING the curve.  We can do this.

Love,

I

An End-of-the-Year Note Plus the Most Popular Posts on the Blog in 2019

Hiya! And welcome back. An interesting irony is that if I blogged all year with the same consistency I have had this month of December, this blog would have been really productive. But it is what it is.

Everyone is currently doing end of the decade reviews. The interesting thing is, end-of-the-year reviews were cumbersome enough already, now imagine adding end-of-the-decade reviews on top of that, it's wild out there on Instagram. I don't want to be to so cynical as to discard these reviews altogether. I will say though, that they can be very ridiculous and narcissistic. You should therefore not feel any pressure to perform this review, especially not so publicly. Not everyone achieved something grand in the past decade. Hell, not everyone can remember the past decade accurately enough to make an assessment of it, you know. It is absolutely fine to want to move forward instead of taking stock especially if it hurts you. I always talk about the seductive nature of pessimism: this need to couch every aspect of the year as terrible or sad or woeful even though, for many people it was a mix of the good and the bad. Or at worst, it was mundane or normal. Normal is good. I love normal. Finally on this issue, time is a social construct (for real. I joke about this), but end of the year/decade/century, whatever, are mostly arbitrary boundaries human beings created.

So instead of another  review of my life, which I know you have absolutely no interest in, I decided to highlight the top ten most popular posts on this blog this year. I did not really blog this year. But I liked the pace with which I blogged. When I wrote here, it was only when I absolutely wanted to and I think that enthusiasm seeped through my words. It was never a chore. I liked that.  Otherwise, I have been writing in other places too. So I'm really glad and proud that I can confidently call myself a Writer now. It's always been one of my biggest joys/dreams/aspirations: to be a Writer.

Without anymore ado, here goes:

Cheers to 2020!

10.) The tenth most popular was How to Make Decisions When Your Faith Wavers. This, I think is very apropos for entering a new year. Because make no mistake, you faith will probably waver every now and then. What happens when it does? What happens when you don't know what to do next? When you don't know if you will fail (again) or if something is God's will for you? I talked about how to handle such challenges in that post.  I can definitely understand the appeal of this post. The interesting part of that post is that I desperately needed that post for myself at the time I wrote it.

9.) Number nine was pretty phenomenal for me too; it was On the Joy of Really Living. It changed the game for me, and it made me bolder to dream. Something about writing that (or actually realizing what I wrote) woke me up. I hope in this new year, you really live. I mean, relax, enjoy, eat, drink and be merry because the Bible tells me in Ecclesiastes 3:11-13 that's God's gift to us: to enjoy life. And to remember that whatever your hands find to do, do them well. I hope that you don't just exist but try your hardest to pursue your passions, your hobbies...I'm not talking about doing things just to make money off of them a la side hustles. I'm talking about sharing your gifts with the world and doing things because they make you happy. And if you don't yet have something you're passionate about in that sense, keep looking. You will find it.

8.) This was the second part of the Eating My Way Through Lagos series. I mean, it was about food... and in Lagos. Enough said. Don't forget, if it inspires you to visit Lagos, Nigeria or to visit any of those places mentioned. You should let me know, please!

7.) I'm so glad a Book of the Month was one of the most popular posts. This one was on the book, Woke Church. Again, not surprising at all. It's a phenomenal book, and could not be more important for the world we live in now.

6.) Sometimes I like to use this blog as a medium for ranting. So thank you for always indulging me ha. Cos y'all loved this: A Sunday Ramble on Being Carefree, Being Anxious, and Being Gifted. I gotta tell you a secret: I have this post permanently opened in my browser to remind me to live audaciously. I hope it inspires you to be bolder in 2020, to be more authentic, and to be a little bit more carefree. After the happenings around number 9's post, I was now able to admit certain things to myself, like compliment myself.

5.) This was quite recent haha. It was basically about how traveling and self-care are overrated. I was actually a bit worried I would step on toes with that post. Turns out, tons of people really agreed with me.

4.) Sigh. This one still breaks my heart. It is and will always be For Rachel. Heaven truly gained an amazing soul this year when Rachel Held Evans passed away. I did not even know her personally but I just wanted, needed to write something in her memory and to honor her. Plus I think I needed to grieve her too. She was so young. I'm glad the post resonated with many, both here and on Instagram.

3.) We are warming up now. I wrote about the BEST, most PROFOUND piece of entertainment I consumed this year: When They See Us. And to say people liked this post would be an understatement. Again, I'm truly glad I wrote when I felt like rather than writing...just because. If you haven't seen When They See Us, please watch it on Netflix

2.) The second most popular post on this blog this year was about love, relationships, dating, marriage, and why you should never settle for less. I rarely talk about love and romance on this blog because enough people do that. But once in a while, I like to share my truths. This was an extremely long post but it is becoming one of the most popular posts on the blog EVER. So maybe I should talk about that more? Nah. Lol. Another unconventional thing I do on this blog is to write what is heartfelt and not necessarily based on trends. I'm a purist in that sense.

1.) DRUMROLL!!!!!  Hahahaha. The most popular post this year and now among the most popular posts on the blog ever was my very first post on grad school and academia on this blog.  I wrote about the differences between getting a PhD and a Medical Degree. Wild. The popularity of this post is wild. For the longest time, I had been very careful and deliberate to separate my life in academia from my blog/online life. I had gone the extra mile to make sure I never even mentioned the fact that I was getting a PhD, much less talking about it. But I realized there was not enough information and honestly there are too few black girls doing this. So apart from wanting to share resources and tips,  I also wanted to be a little bit visible for others coming along, which took courage because I'm an in-her-shell type girl. I have not regretted the decision to share at all. And I will probably share more of that.

There we have it. The ten most popular posts of the year on this blog. I'm probably not going to blog more next year. I will however, truly write when I can and when it matters. Thank you so much for always hanging around despite how sporadically I post. Thank you for sharing this space with me, and for always reading. Please definitely stop by in the next year.

Happy new year! I truly wish for you in 2020, joy, goodness, and peace.

Love,

I

A Classic Christmas Playlist That Includes All Our Favorite Christmas Carols

♫It's the most wonderful time of the year...it's the hap-happiest time of the year♫ It's Christmas time! Haha. Christmas is my favorite holiday, which means it's my favorite time of the year. I love love it all. It's exactly one week to Christmas, can you believe it? I have been listening to Christmas songs every single day all month to get in the Christmas mood. I love it. It's a bit sad that I haven't been to a Christmas Carol in a while. But anyway, I thought to share some of my favorite Christmas melodies. They are mostly the classics that I'm sure you probably already know. But I love to get you in the Christmas spirit and cheer. So there is a link to each song for you to listen. In no particular order:

1.) Jingle Bells! Oh Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Oh what fun it is to ride on a one horse open sleigh

2.) Joy to the World! This is the OG version not the more recent covers, which mostly suck. Repeat the sounding joy, repeat the sounding joy, repeaaat, repeaaaat the sounding joy.

3.) I wanna wish you a MERRY CHRISTMAS from the bottom of my heart. This number delights my heart, so yell out the chorus to get the most of it. It's Feliz Navidad!

4.) Good tidings we bring to you and your kin, we wish you a MERRY CHRISTMAS and a happy New Year. If you guessed the title of this song is "We wish you a Merry Christmas", you'd be right.

5.) The next on the list is Silent Night. It speaks for itself, to be honest.

6.) Peace on earth and mercy mild...joyful all ye nations rise. Hark the Herald Angels Sing, glory to the newborn King!

7.) I knew every single word of this next one as a child, and boy was I proud of that? Haha. On the first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me... a partridge in a pear tree. And on the fifth day....yeah? yup a FIVE GOLDEN RINGS. Lol it's Twelve Days of Christmas.

8.) Mary's Boy Child.  For this one, I actually did not find the version I remember. And this was the closest I could get. Oops spoke too soon: here is the original version, which I prefer!

9.) Oh Holy Night. I have also two versions for this. Watch Hillsong Worship team perform it live here, and then Clay Aiken and Ruben Studdard perform it here (this one starts at 1:30). I'm just gonna say Clay Aiken has RANGE!

Haaayy look, I finally wrote something simple and short. How's that for the perfect Christmas gift?

Merry Christmas people! And if you don't celebrate Christmas, happy holidays. Whether it's Christmas songs or movies or food, make sure you're doing something to get you in the Christmas spirit. Whatever you do, make sure you get in the celebratory mode, whatever that means to you.

Love,

I

How to Survive Long Layovers While Traveling Long Distance

Happy December! I love love Christmas so you know I'm one of the more excited folks. Please, again, stop harassing people about how it's the last month of the decade, yidi yada. Honestly, who cares? Time is a social construct. Lmao. Kidding. Seriously, do not put any unnecessary pressure on yourself because of arbritary timelines random strangers created.

oNlY oNe MoNtH lEfT iN tHe YeAr/DeCaDe

Okay and?

It is not helpful or logical because really nothing really changes because we cross over from one "decade" to another; or from one month to another. Just chill. Okay for real, I am trying to make this post as short  and lighthearted as possible given recent posts. So here goes.

Long stop overs are almost inevitable if you are traveling to Africa or Asia. You almost always have about 5 Hours stop in Europe, and if you're unlucky, it could be longer. Personally, I don't mind it. I know how shocking that is LOL, considering the fact that I just gave a recent spiel about traveling. However, I don't like being cooped up in a plane for too long. So I often welcome the opportunity to stop for a while before continuing along. Many people don't like it though. So here are suggestions on how to make it more bearable.

Somewhere in Heathrow, London (for what was not actually a layover)

1.)  Prepare your mind. Accept that you are going to be waiting for a while. Do not be in too much of a hurry. Also, don't bother checking the time every minute. You will only be doing yourself harm, because the minute you start doing that (no pun intended), that's when time starts to crawl. So once you deplane and get into the airport where you will be staying for 5 or 6 or sometimes 12 hours, just settle in and relax.

2.) Speaking of settling in. If you can afford it, then definitely stay in a lounge. It's sometimes hard to say what is or what is not expensive since I don't know y'all's pockets. But in European airports, which I am surprisingly more vast with than American airports (because I have never had to wait more than 5 hours in an American airport), lounges can go from about 70 Euros and above. The advantages of staying in a lounge are numerous. You can sleep comfortably without having to literally hug your hand luggage and other items for fear of theft or worse, some other nefarious activity. There is also food and of course, booze. But fret not, all of these are available in non-lounge parts of the airports too. So skip this step if it sounds ridiculous to pay that much for a flimsy lounge, which, bear in mind, for some lounges, you can only stay for three hours before your departure—again, this defeats the purpose. But before you knock it, still try it. You might be surprised.

Paris from the sky: much more amazing than a blurry iPhone camera could capture

3.) Sleep. Lounge or no lounge, you can still sleep during your layover. Position your belongings well enough that if someone touches them while you are sleeping, you would feel it and wake up. No one can sleep through someone dragging a small box from under your head, for instance. And because many planes (if you fly Economy) are not the most comfortable for sleeping, you are probably tired by the time you land. So catch up on sleep, if even for a couple of hours. Not to mention, some airports actually have sleep pods that allow you to get comfortable. Some people choose to sleep on the floor and goodness, I COULD NEVER. SO.MUCH.GERMS. Yikes lol.

4.) Now that you are up and rested. Depending on how long the layover is; it might almost be time to depart, in which case, adieu, safe journey! If you still have plenty hours left, keep reading. For some, this is the time to venture out of the airport to go take a look at the country they are in, especially if it's an interesting place like France or Italy or Greece. Bear in mind that this is risky. Anything could happen and then before you know it you missed your flight.  Some others choose to stay. Either way, freshen up, please. There is something about being locked in a plane for a few hours that makes even the best of us stink. So yeah, hopefully you packed some deodorants, hand sanitizers, and the likes. After which, this is the time I would advise that you read. Books, magazines, your personal mail that you have been planning on reading but never quite got the time to read, all those open tabs on you computer. When you are done reading, watch one or two episodes of your favorite show. Bear in mind again that for these, you have to have prepped before hand. This means stuffing your hand luggage with your favorite reading materials. It means downloading a couple of shows on Netflix or depending on how risk averse you are, watching with Airport wifi. If these options are unavailable you can try listening to music. Again, some airports actually have personal pods with a screen option, where you can watch shows the airline offers. So for instance, if Air France has an area for public lounging in Paris Charles de Gaulle (and they in fact do), then the mini-screens on each seat has all the entertainment options available on Air France flights.

Paris is beautiful and everything is so picturesque

5.) Sightsee/explore. Who says you only have to sightsee outside the airport? When you have read every single thing you packed, and watched about two episodes of your favorite show, it's time to walk around. Sitting too much while traveling can actually be harmful to your health. So walk the length and breath of your airport. Have breakfast or lunch, but sit in the restaurant while eating. MAKE SURE YOU EAT. Seriously, budget airport food money together with the rest of your travel expenses. You can't skimp on food. Eat well, and have a great dining experience; it's all part of the trip.  Get up and keep walking but do not lose sight of your gate; make a mental note to leave enough time to walk back to your boarding gate. There are TONS of stores in airports, window shop. And dream of when you will be able to walk into Gucci at the airport and by jackets, shoes, and purses. Or maybe you already can afford to, then by all means, shop.


6.) Okay so you have done all of the above and still have time? Journal. Pick up a pen or open your laptop and just write down literally anything you are thinking. ANYTHING. Write about what your life looks like now. What about your life are you thankful for? Write it. What part sucks? Write it. Have some introspection and think about where you think you are going with your life and wonder if you are even remotely on the right track. As you begin with these simple questions, it will begin to flow. It's a very good time to think and make decisions. Don't forget to make notes of ideas and thoughts that come to mind. If there is any benefit to traveling, this is it. The ability to be by yourself and sort of hang in between—not  home but not at your destination—makes  for good uninterrupted time to really think, and hear yourself think.


7.) So somehow, there is still more time to kill? Catch up on your work. I mean, whatever you do for a living. Maybe there is something you want to work on? Do it now. Some people like to shut down/off during vacations. I can't relate.

Honestly, before you know it, boarding has started for your next flight. So long layovers are definitely not the worst things in the world. The next time you have to have one, don't be bummed about it. Just make the best of it. I'm like an expert because I have had some really LONG layovers and never ever had a terrible experience. I mean, yeah there were sometimes I was just exhausted but mostly, it's never so bad.

Dang! Why can't I just write something short eh?

Anyway, what are your tips for surviving layovers or long trips in general? If I missed any, then please share in the comment.

Love,

I

Much Ado About Traveling and The Danger of Self-Care in Our World

Bon voyage? Or nah?

Travel.

When I was much younger and did not travel as much as I now do, I used to list travel as a hobby. Surely, nothing can be as fanciful and luxurious as packing a tiny bit of your life into your suitcase, scurrying through crowded airports, getting on a plane and jetting away into God-knows-where? Then I grew up and found the answer to that. Only a few things are more horrible than leaving home at the crack of dawn or maybe ridiculously late at night to meet long lines at a check-in counter; then walking a few miles (depending on how stupidly large the airport is) to another ridiculously long line so some stranger can basically press your breasts to be sure that you do not plan on bombing a plane or hijacking it; then after surviving the horror that is TSA, you realize you are starving because you left home too early for a plane that does not leave until a few hours, but then again airport foods are overpriced if  at all you manage to find anything decent enough to be consumed (God save you if you are traveling out of Dulles); only to get on a plane where they honest to God serve the most disgusting piece of thing (called food) you have ever seen; and then you are trapped in what is basically a tube for some hours so much that your legs hurt and your skin is so dry, there are visible scales; then you land in another country but are too jet lagged to do anything, and when you finally get the chance to, your stomach hurts and your body just won't adapt to different climate; so you stay there miserable (but fake being happy, of course) for a couple of days; and it's time to do all of the above over again. Except this time you have to resume work the next day.

Whew.



I tell ya. Traveling is not all it's cut out to be. But that's not what you see online and on your Instagram timeline. You are told traveling is how you discover yourself. It's the next best thing since slice bread. In fact, it is now being touted as self-care. Hashtag self-care. Sigh. SELF MOTHERFREAKING CARE. Every single thing is a self care trope these days. And I worry that the capitalist and consumerist world we find ourselves in has somehow managed to curate the idea of self-care as something that you need to sink money into. When the truth could be entirely different. Maybe travel is overrated. And maybe sometimes self care is paying down your student loans [or other debt] instead of taking another trip where you spend more than half the time taking pictures to convince the rest of us that you really are having fun. I think it can be classist to sell traveling as this thing everyone has to do in their lives. Is it probably good to see other places and cultures? Yes, perhaps. But is travel the one true zenith of an accomplished and purposeful life? No. absolutely not. And whoever sells it as such to you is a liar.

I don't like to travel very much. Newsflash. Plane rides make me mad uncomfortable. I spend too much time worrying about safety and other shenanigans in the new place I am visiting, and it takes too long to adapt or revert to my normal whenever I return. Besides my own personal bias and dietary concerns about traveling, I genuinely think traveling can be overrated. Now would I stop traveling? Probably not. I accept and admit that traveling can be exciting and I love making memories with people I care about. But I will never make it my life's mission to "see the world" or "travel".  I will travel with people I care about if it means getting to spend time with and making memories with them, of course. People pose travel as this opportunity to learn grand things about yourself and the world. And I bet you, you can learn the same things in your room, on your bed on a rainy Saturday morning. Except this time, you would have saved yourself thousands of dollars and a few million bacteria. I don't think the act of travel has ever been a form of escape for me, and I don't think it should be for you either.

People say they yearn to learn about other people's cultures and experiences. Fair enough. Except most of y'all go to other people's countries, villages and never know how to properly behave. You crap on people's customs and call them bizarre the minute you find them different from you. If no one will tell you this, I will: going to a remote village for the sole purpose of your once-in-a-lifetime magical experience or some eat-pray-love crap is just...a tad selfish if we are being honest. Not to mention so many big cities have an underlying framework modeled so similarly that you might think you are having a de ja vu moment just walking down the road.

And let's face it, you are way too busy taking the perfect Instagram photo to learn anything about your destination. So while traveling is not a terrible thing, I need people who travel to get off their high horse and drop the sheer hubris that emboldens them to think because they have hopped from plane to plane, their life is better than others. The worst are those of you that have the guts to go to ANOTHER PERSON's place of dwelling, take a picture of it as a contrast to your designer clothings and USE THEM TO EXPLAIN WHY PEOPLE SHOULD BE THANKFUL BECAUSE AT LEAST THEY DON'T GET TO LIVE SO TERRIBLY. Please don't go on Instagram to celebrate  and take solace in the fact that your life is not as impoverished as those whose village you are in. And if you're white, I beg you with all things precious, do NOT...I repeat, do NOT take pictures with "poor, starving kids in Africa".

I was going to call the second part of the title, "the danger of self care in a consumerist and capitalist world" but it would have been too much of a mouthful. I think business enterprises have mastered the art of marketing their services and products, carefully parading them as self-care, because then it becomes a necessity, a requirement if you will, to a great life. When in reality, to truly have a good life you don't need most material things. Self-care has also become an indulgence; a carte blanche for recklessness and irresponsibility.

Traveling by itself is not what gives your life meaning and this is why I dislike the spiritual connotation attached to travel. If you can afford to, and you want to, then yes do it! But please do not travel and then make a post about how life altering it is. Because that's bullshit, and as someone who has been privileged to travel, I'm here to tell you not to fall for it.  You have been told traveling is a necessary investment you must make in yourself; depending on who you are, it probably isn't.

People brag about how travel has enlightened them and broadened their thinking, but all it takes is one conversation with people to see that they are still the same close-minded, ignorant person they were before packing their suitcases. I mean, what does finding yourself even mean? Seriously, humor me. Tell what what finding yourself means. Who you are is not a result of your mileage or one single experience; it's series of life events, memories, people, backgrounds, culture. You don't just wake up to find "yourself" on a 5 day trip to Belize. Traveling gives you another one of the million things that shape you. I would argue you are even more likely to "find yourself" in the mundane; in your normal; in  the midst of your routine.

I say all this not to demonstrate my hatred for traveling or visiting new places. Far from it; I don't hate visiting new places or traveling. On the contrary. I have a lot of traveling to do if I feel like (and can afford it), but what I will try hard not to do is sell it as the path to purpose or joy or happiness or worse, self-care.

Love,

I

P.S: I understand if you stopped reading halfway. Yikes this was long. Wuuttt. I did warn you about longer posts, didn't I?

P.P.S: To make up for this rant against travel, I shall write something on surviving traveling or traveling efficiently, I promise.

P.P.P.S: If you are tempted to make this personal, get over yourself. I had absolutely no one in mind while writing this, I promise again.

P.P.P.P.S: Oh whatever, someone will for sure make this about them, I promise again, again. Hahaha. Enjoy loves!

Can the Internet Hurt Your Child?

The answer is yes. I want to talk about kids. This is a first for me and will probably be a rarity. See, I don't have kids but I was very bothered and sick to my stomach by this article. So much that I have already decided my unborn kids will not have smartphones and social media until they are about 16 or so. The article is by an amazing mom who wrote about her experience on a social media app. Her child had begged her to sign on to it, but mom wanted to try it out to be sure it was safe. And my God, thank goodness she did. That app is HELL. Preteens dealing with body issues; older men sending naked photos to little boys and girls; little girls posting nude photos of themselves; little boys using sexually graphic and violent names; little boys and girls talking about suicide and violence; and these are not the worst of it. Just read that article for a better description. I'm so glad that mom said no to her little girl. In fact, the woman also wrote another article one year after showing that it is possible for your child to not have a smartphone and still SURVIVE. Yes. Now if you go ahead and listen to this cop whose job it is to protect your kids from the internet, you might altogether give up having kids because this world and the internet is crazy.

Think about it, what is a ten year old doing with an iPhone? I'm a fully formed adult with fully formed frontal cortex in my brain and even I find social media to be too much and overwhelming sometimes ALL THE TIME. So imagine a child on social media. A lot of parents are convinced they KNOW their kids, but they don't. A lot of parents are also to concerned with being "besties" with their kids. This is hard, because examine your life: how many of your best girlfriends can you say no to? The answer is, not many. Yet, children need to hear NO. Their brains are not even fully formed yet.

"Tweens and teens have an underdeveloped frontal cortex. They’re impulsive and self-centered. They make terrible decisions and they can be meaner than a bull shark. Also, their conflict-management skills are lousy. Sixth graders have yet to master the skill of fully rinsing conditioner from their hair, and we’re giving them the power of unfettered public expression?"
- Anastasia Basil

I, myself did not have a phone till I was 15 or so, and there was no social media in my time. I mean, there was Hi5 but I think it was mostly for losers or something haha. Anyway I begged my mother for a phone: BEGGED, appealed to her ancestors, I even went for those extra lessons she organized for me. A little background on those lessons: some kids rebelled by smoking or partying, my form of rebellion was never attending after-class lessons my parents organized for me. I'm laughing while typing this because it's a touchy subject for my mom. I mean, they paid so much for those lessons and I really had no reason not to go except again, teenagers can be sociopaths. They don't think. So no, I would chat away instead of proceeding to my lessons. This time around though, I even went to lessons/classes I hated to appease my mother. I thought, perhaps, I would get a phone. Noooppe. I resorted to anger and silent treatment because ALL my friends already had phones and were therefore cool kids so I needed one. Nope. I did everything short of offer myself as a living sacrifice so I could have a phone. The answer was No. Now, my parents, bless their souls, were a very unified front with us. If mommy said no, it meant daddy was saying no too and vice versa. So no, I never got a phone until towards the end of secondary school (high school) or maybe after secondary school graduation? And you know what, I did not die. I was fine. So if your child does not have a smartphone or access to Instagram, they will be okay. More than okay; probably great.

"Kids don’t belong to parents. Their childhood is on loan to us. It’s our job to raise the kid part the best we can, and then they’re supposed to take it from there." - Anastasia Basil.

Hey, do what you want with your kids of course, but please try to monitor them. Ultimately, there is only so much you can control but there are still some measures that can be taken to protect them. Again, take this with a grain of salt because I do NOT have kids and know nothing about raising them. And if there is one thing the internet has taught me, it's that y'all really despise hearing advice about raising your kids generally. But this disgust is multiplied by 100 when the advice is from a childless person. So ahem, don't be too angry.

Love,

I