What's in a Legacy? On Life and How We Want to Be Remembered

What is in a legacy?

How do you want to be remembered? 

Everyone's heard it now: Charlie Kirk was brutally murdered on Wednesday, September 10. And events that followed will probably be stuff worthy of history's retelling. However you feel about him and his murder is one of the more contentious issues of this week (month? year?). I will leave that to you.

In hours that followed when he was first killed, people took to social media and expressed all kinds of things. As with most things that are the rave, I wanted to stay out of this one. I just vehemently believe that one does not need to have an opinion about everything. Then I saw too many people, Nigerians especially (some of whom I even respect), glorify an idea that was at best incomplete and at worst a complete lie. 

Too often, lies speed, jump, hop, but truth just comes crawling behind and it's left to us to push it a little. So I wrote the below.

Some Books I Read...

Hiya folks! Welcome to another post about books. I'll be posting a bunch of notable books I read recently below. Enjoy! 

Book of the Month: Saint Maybe by Anne Tyler

Welcome to another book of the month! We're going all the way back for the book of this month; talk about an oldie but goodie. I love when a book tugs deep into our hearts and reminds us of our humanity, but not through something profound but in the ordinary, in the normal.  This is an amazing story of sacrifice, quiet devotion, love, and ordinariness. But I'm getting ahead of myself. The Book of the Month is Saint Maybe by Anne Tyler. I'm a little new to her work but completely blown away so much I just want to consume everything she's ever written. 

Saint Maybe is set in 1965 when the Beldoe family is living an idyllic, quintessential American life in Baltimore before they are struck with a tragedy that transforms their existence forever; but especially the life of their youngest son, 17-year old Ian Bedloe, who assumes the blame for this tragic event. Even as I type this and remember him, my heart breaks just a little again. That's what fiction does. It expands your heart and show you realities you never knew existed. In any case, we follow through Ian through a great chunk of this life (several decades, I believe) as he tries to redeem himself. Through the process watch the Bedloes transform from their nauseously happy status quo to dealing with extraordinary calamities. The New York Times said Anne Tyler likes to break America's heart. They weren't wrong.

The Myth of Being 'Too Late' in Life

 This post is inspired by another post I saw on a Mommy Page on Instagram. The poster said:

"I turn 40 today and instead of feeling joyful, I find myself feeling a little wistful. I didn't get married early and now here I am, caring for a toddler and a newborn at a time when many of my mates are hitting different life milestones. While I'm grateful for my journey, there are moments I feel like I should be in a different space by now...pursuing something more. It's hard sometimes, doing motherhood alongside women in their late 20s or early 30s. I celebrate them, of course, but if I'm being honest, it messes with my mind. I question whether I'm behind in life. I know every journey is different but today I just need to hear from other mums. Can anyone share some words of encouragement with me?"

When I first saw this, perhaps it was being stuck at the airport somewhere in Europe, almost missing my connecting flight, but I was just incensed. I went back to read it a few days after and while I empathized a bit more, I still had strong feelings about it.

Friday Reflections

1.) Friday greetings to all! Let's get into it.

2.) Republicans have serious daddy issues and it's kind of odd to watch. 

No reason for a Fall photo in the thick of summer except I just like how it looks quiet. 

Book of the Month: The Wedding People by Alison Epsach

Hi party people (very apropos for this post), welcome to another Book of the Month! This month's book is such a delight, I'm eager to get into it directly. I went into this clueless about what the book was about and it turned into such a complex, unexpected, and beautiful story. When we meet Phoebe, she's walking into the Cornwall Inn, wearing a green dress and some fancy shoes but no luggage in sight. As she joins the line to check in, she is immediately mistaken for one of the guests at a wedding happening at the hotel. Meanwhile, she's literally the only one at the hotel (this was just coming out of the pandemic) who isn't there for the wedding. The bride thinks she's accounted for every possible mishap and disaster, except there is no planning for Phoebe, who has reached rock bottom and is at that hotel for completely different reasons from the wedding people. And yet somehow, as if always destined, the two women are exactly where they need to be and just when each needs the other. The book takes us through what happens over the course of the week in what is a funny, tender, complex, and very human story arc. 

"My Boyfriend Hates My Hair, What Should I do?": On Black Womanhood and Hair as Resistance

Y'all, we got published! 

I can't believe I am just posting about this here but life happens.  I wrote an essay for The Progressive Magazine; not surprisingly I wrote about feminism and hair, two things I love! 

I wrote about Feminism, and how important it is to remind every little girl you know that changing who she is or “making sacrifices” for a boy is not what God intended for her.

I wrote about hair. But not in the way you think. 

I had read about this little girl whose boyfriend “hates her hair.” Each time I have to type out these words, I throw up a little in my mouth. In any case, I give Kamsi an answer to the question she asked. But before that, I try to provide a bit more context for her so she sees what damage patriarchy has done. I remind her she’s fighting against not just her silly, little boyfriend, but an entire system designed to remind us Black girls that left to them, we would never be enough. So, we must NEVER leave it to them.

Here is the full essay, as published on The Progressive below:

Friday Reflections

1.) Is this the first Friday Reflections of the year? Oh jeez...I just checked and yes, it is. Well, better late than never. 

2,) Female 4-star GENERALS and ADMIRALS talk about their formidable rise in the military.

3.) The most hated person on wall street.

4.) In Good American Family, Ellen Pompeo leaves the hospital. 

In Defense of Church

On a The View  episode over a year ago, there was a conversation about the rise in senseless shooting in America. This past week alone, there were two mass shootings. Knowing this country as well as I think I do, I have a feeling there will be more posts on this blog about the senselessness of guns so buckle up. It's a hard conversation, not because there is no solution (it's a very very easy solution at that), but because we are afraid. Afraid of sending our kids to school. Afraid of going to the mall. Or the grocery store. Or the club. Or the wrong house. Or the wrong driveway. Shoot, we are afraid to live, it looks like. But conversation for another time. 

In the panel discussion I reference above, Sara Haines talked about the rise of porn, violent video games, and decrease in church attendance. She got a lot of flak for it in the comment section. I think it may have been because this requires a lot of nuance. It's not that she is wrong. Those things are problematic and destructive of people's minds all around. The real elephant in the room is that these things are happening in many other countries and yet, there are no mass shootings in those places. Which suggests that one problem we have is...guns. But a particular segment of our leaders has been bought and paid for by the ghoulish NRA. So, again conversation for another time.

A Hopeless Saturday Gives Way to a Joyous Sunday: What Easter Means to Me

I had a different post planned out for this week. But it's Easter. Well, Easter Monday in saner climes. In America, no one really cares. 

In any case, Happy Easter! 

I know Christmas is the big deal to everyone. But Easter is just as much of a big deal too. It's Easter!

Breaking Records, Breaking Chains: How Cory Booker's 25-Hour Speech Outlasted Hate

When Senator Booker started his quest to disrupt the Senate for "as long as I am physically able" one week ago, most people didn't pay him a lot of mind. After twenty-five hours, they didn't have a choice. Everyone was talking about it. What am I talking about? I'm talking about Cory Booker standing on the Senate floor for over twenty-five hours in a record breaking event. On Monday, March 31st, he took the Senate floor and began a speech condemning this current administration's cruel and inhumane policies. He did not sleep. He did not eat. He did not use the restroom.  In the end, It surpassed the previous record set in 1957 by segregationist Senator Strom Thurmond, who filibustered for 24 hours and 18 minutes to oppose the Civil Rights Act. So it was that Senator Booker started the speech at 7PM on Monday and told us he would use his time to disrupt the normal business of the U.S. Senate as long as he was physically able.  

Fight Fight Fight: Resisting Fascism and the Tyranny of Fear

Every time another policy is implemented or there is a rhetoric out there from America’s political right with a unique purpose to dehumanize people and strip them of their dignity, what angers me the most is that these people do it in the name of the Lord. It angers me to measures I can’t possibly describe. 

When I woke up in Nairobi on November 6, 2024, and saw this man won the election again, I was in disbelief. I was terrified. I knew of the impending danger. And yet, even I didn’t think it would be this despicable. In less than three weeks, they have unleashed terror like never before imagined. He has made himself king. He has put such cracks on the foundations of our democratic institutions that sometimes I pinch myself to ask if this is still America. All of this is done with an intention. So much so that I’ve seen people just give up. I’ve watched colleagues live with fear. I’ve seen people lose hope. Our Democratic elected leaders also took too much time to lick their wounds. Too many lives will be impacted. Too many people are confused. I didn’t understand either, why it seemed like evil was winning. Why it seemed like the wicked was prospering. Why it seemed like the wicked enjoyed a life of ease while the marginalized, the oppressed, the voiceless continued to suffer.

Book of the Month: Ask Again, Yes By Mary Beth Keane

Welcome to the Book of the Month! I asked last time about whether to talk about a few in one post or just one book per BOM post and it looks like the vote goes for a combination of both approaches. So, let's try that. I feel like knowing me there are some books I will feel so strongly about as to want to dedicate one post too, anyway. So this format works. And today's book feels like one of those books. 

Ask again, Yes starts with two NYPD cops, Francis Gleeson and Brian Stanhorpe. They eventually become neighbors in the suburbs and the peculiarities of what happens in each home one night sets the stage for explosive events that will ripple through generations. 

Some Books I Read

Happy New Year, friends! Book of the Month suffered last year; not just because I didn't read as much (I really didn't) but because I didn't talk about what I did read as much. I really enjoy books and talking about them and in the spirit of finding pockets of joy everywhere and especially outside of work, hopefully I'll be better at talking about books I read this year.

Towards the end of 2024, I posted about some books I read on Instagram and I thought to share them here, where they can be more permanent. So here goes (in no particular order):