How To Find 'THE ONE'

I decided to write this because after listening to a Pastor Prince's message on finding the right partner, I was sure I wanted to share it with my friends. The only thing was I knew it would be hard to convince someone to listen to a two-hour sermon. It took even me days to complete it, but it was totally worth it.

I think Christians (everyone really) need to listen to this Pastor Prince's message on practicality in picking the right partner.  Christians are most notorious for believing there's a "the ONE" for us. I have always believed in freewill and choice. So imagine my joy when someone of that statue shared the same sentiments. I will summarize some of what he said below; I would mostly be paraphrasing.

He argued (and with biblical proofs) that God doesn't just give us ONE single choice. Rather than emphasizing on how to choose a spouse, God focuses more on being a right spouse. Also if God was in the business of making choices for us, he would have forced everyone to receive salvation (which is the most important choice anyway). For Christians, the most important thing is that we marry within God's family—a  Christian. Practical lists are up to you. He says it's just a  decision making process, one we should  definitely involve God in.

He mentioned how, as human beings, we are always afraid of decision-making. So we look to pastors and prophets to make decisions for us; we depend on dreams and prophecies for something as permanent and important as marriage. But getting married is just the beginning, he said.  For instance, let's assume someone said they heard a "prophecy" about who their spouse would be. Let's further assume such a person is now married to the said person from the prophecy. That's not the end of it all. That they are married to who the prophecy asked them to marry doesn't automatically translate to victory. It doesn't mean they made the right choice.

Basically, he was asking that we make wise, informed decisions. Although it is not prudent to base the choice of who to marry entirely on superficial things like what they look like, he mentioned that it is certainly good to go for what you actually like. The great thing is that God gives us a range of choices to pick from. Decide to make an informed decision; pray God helps you; try to hear from God yourself. After all, it is you who would enter into a partnership with the said spouse.

Beyond the theoretical aspects of his message, he touched on practical things I think would be very useful for anyone seeking a partner. One of such is to never confuse a person's zealousness in church/the ministry for spirituality or  an actual love of God.

Instead, he said, go for true spirituality:

How does this person treats his/her parents and others?
How does he/she overlook offenses?
How does he/she take care of his finances?
Can he/she keep a job?
What is his/her attitude towards his/her boss?

Those are practical questions that also define true spirituality. In Pastor Prince's words, "...not 'brothers' that start every single sentence with 'God told me to'...'God said'..."
Now I know that these may not seem spiritual enough. Perhaps because you haven't heard any chapter and verse from the bible. That's okay, because he actually gave a list of things to look out for based on the bible:

1.) Faithfulness. Don't listen to a man proclaim, but look for a faithful man/woman; someone steady, reliable, and trustworthy. The bible says if a person is faithful in small things, he would be faithful in big things. If a person is faithful with money, God can trust them with bigger things. So check the person's financial records, are they reliable? Or do they always borrow money (from you and everyone else) and are drowning in debts? Is the person generous? Notice this isn't about how rich the person is, but how faithful they are with money. Does this person live beyond his/her income? Are they keeping up with the joneses? So instead of spirituality on the outside, go deeper. Faithfulness in small things will be faithfulness in big things.

2.) Grace. Proverbs 19 V. 22 says "Loyalty makes a person attractive." Kindness and grace make a person attractive. A person full of grace is generous; he's forgiving...
Therefore, look for grace in a person.

3.) Prudence.  Here Pastor Prince focuses on what to look for in women. But I am going to generalize and say what to look for in a spouse.  Proverbs 19:14 says PRUDENCE. Look for a person with practical wisdom.

He really emphasized the need to put yourself out there more. According to him, you can't just sit at home 24/7 and expect a partner to drop on your laps. Erm nope. He uses the term "position yourself in the right place". Don't say "if God wants it to happen" yada yada. Lol. No, God won't force you marry.

Take chances (with wisdom)...try; that's what dating is for! Actually, he said (and I didn't really agree with this) to  date around. He however emphasized on date not have sex around. If things don't work out, part ways while being civil. Oh boy, I loved that he mentioned this. I read a story the other day of a girl cursing a guy (actual CURSES) because this guy decided to not marry her after years of dating her. It really is not that deep, please. We need to erase the thought that a person owes you marriage because you have been dating since forever. No. if you're not married, you're not. It's that simple. I mean there are some wildcats out there whose main mission is to hurt as many people as humanly possible. It is unfair for instance, that after giving a guy your kidney, he suddenly realizes he has fallen out of love with you. P.S: don't be going about doing crazy things for people you are not married to UGH!!! Moving on.

He also mentioned how we can grow into love. I used to think this too, but frankly I am no longer sure where I stand on the issue. I used to go as far as saying I wish parents still matchmake their kids. I mean I trust my parents and  all, but not so sure about the concepts of matchmaking generally anymore.

Above all [and MOST importantly], be sure to find a place of rest on this matter of finding the right spouse. There's no need to be antsy, worried or desperate for a partner, such that you don't take time to enjoy your life. Cast all your cares unto God, and stop worrying and go into a place of rest. He said [and I AGREE] you don't want to be that person that goes on a first date, and starts planning your wedding, marriage, and children's education with that person. Erm no. Desperation is unattractive. Don't insult God by being desperate. Trust God to prosper your ways and put you in the right place at the right time; to provide you with wisdom; to help your decision making process; to help you against loneliness and despair;  and to help you realize you are unique, precious, and whole by yourself.

Oh and two things I forgot. First, don't ever marry someone you are settling for. I have strong opinions about the concept of settling but in general, I personally would say don't marry someone just because. Second and just as important, we are and can be complete by ourselves. No human being can make you whole. The whole concept of marriage can be summarized as 1 + 1= 1 not 1/2 +1/2 = 1.


This was so long, but remember I had to cram a two-hour talk into one post. There's a second part I don't think I will blog about because I'm lazy. Lol. Or I may.



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